How can I get her to love again?
I asked a girl I really love to date me. But she said that she can’t because, after a series of heartbreaks, she’s unable to love. How can I gain her trust and love?
Trust and grief
Congratulations on identifying that the thing that’s missing is trust!
Like the girl you are in love with said, she has been hurt. However, what she might not realize is how heartbreak makes us doubt ourselves and our decision-making process. She may not trust herself to pick the right man; especially while she is still grieving.
Other options
It is good that you have made your feelings and your agenda clear. You are in love with her, and you want to be with her.
Because she is not ready to be in a relationship with you, is there another option that works for the two of you?
If you can, offer her your friendship. This will give you a chance to get to know each other.
Building trust
The only way to build someone’s trust in you is to be trustworthy and reliable. Keep your word and all the promises you make to her. That includes seemingly small things like calling when you say you will and turning up on time.
Women also open up to communicative men who are open about themselves and willing to listen to us. Let her share what she is going through and help her on her journey of getting over the heartbreaks of the past.
You could try new things together so that she begins to associate ‘safety in new experiences’ with you. You must also respect her ‘no’ if and when she says it.
Keep in mind that there are no guarantees. She may get over her ex and start dating other people. Or she may not be able to build trust for you. That will hurt you.
Only you can decide if she is worth the risk of your own heartbreak.
Related: Why I’m So Scared Of Relationships
Heartbreak is tricky business. How do you deal with it? Leave a comment or join the discussion on our Facebook pages Love Matters Kenya and Naija.
Tell us what you think
Recent Comments (82)
its good to date your loved
its good to date your loved one
Hi Maixm,
Hi Maixm,
thanks for your comment!
ave been into it?
ave been into it?
Hi there,
Hi there,
sorry, what is your question? Who has been into it?
Trust what your are sure is
Trust what your are sure is treatable-keep your heart safe………..
Hi Mr. Love,
Hi Mr. Love,
thanks for your comment.
bal if xomeone hurtx yu n yu
bal if xomeone hurtx yu n yu hvnt done ntn bd..du he/she lovx yu
Hi Mary,
Hi Mary,
somebody hurting you doesn’t mean they don’t love you, no. But it really depends on the situation. Sometimes, people hurt us unintentionally; but sometimes, it’s also intentional. Talk to the person in question- they might not even be aware of what is happening to you!
heartbrake is bad…but
heartbrake is bad…but reconciliation n trust on each other is the best decision.am victim of that.
Hi Kip,
Hi Kip,
thanks for your input. Would you like to share with us what happened to you?
how can i avoid my ex?.she is
how can i avoid my ex?.she is ruining my current relationship status with my new catch
Hi Kip,
Hi Kip,
try not to cross her paths. Don’t take her phone calls, delete her from your Facebook friends and if you do see her in person, say ‘hello’ nicely and then ignore her. Also, talk to your new partner, explain the situation and be open about what is happening. Be honest and try to show her she has nothing to worry about.
when your lover hurt u by
when your lover hurt u by still dating his ex cheating he love u still
Hi Joyline,
Hi Joyline,
ouch, that sounds painful.
If I were you, I would have a serious conversation with your lover about his priorities. But I would be careful, he doesn’t sound like the most committed man in the world!
i lov thiz lady very
i lov thiz lady very much ,we hv been in relatnshp 4 more thn 2yrs ,te other dei sme frnds told me dat she wz dating anthr man wen i asked her she answr me rudely n she told me never text her again .wad should i do.
Ouch Felix, that doesn’t
Ouch Felix, that doesn’t sound nice. Do you think she was offended that you questioned her, or do you think she genuinely has something to hide? Give her a bit of time, and then try to have an honest conversation with her. Clear the air and get to the bottom of it! Good luck!
Ma wife iz tcher, bt xhe
Ma wife iz tcher, bt xhe alwaiz xen her salary 2 her parents without tellin me. Help me.
Hi Julius,
Hi Julius,
you need to talk to her, not to us. Try to find a solution that works for both of you.
when agal says that ilike u
when agal says that ilike u does it mean xhe loves u?
Hi Elmagu,
Hi Elmagu,
it could, or it couldn’t.
You need to talk to her more to figure it out- only she will be able to tell you!
hw do i solve my bf told me
hw do i solve my bf told me dat wat is happening to him is beyound his imagination cos he stil going out wit his ex.he told me it is ova btw us yet he wnt us to be best of frnd,d problem nw is dat he do visit me twice in a wk,he also cal me twice in a day he even told me he keep luving me more nd more.he also giv me his best perfume bt he neva told me if we could cont.pls ao can i ovacome dis.
Hi Grace,
Hi Grace,
if you are serious about wanting to let him go, you need to start cutting all ties with him. Otherwise, it will never happen.
Check this article for help with getting over your ex: http://lovematters.co.ke/news/getting-over-your-ex-dos-and-donts
After some few heartbreaks i
After some few heartbreaks i have decided to date this man that i love. We’ve been dating for almost a year bt the problem is tht i don’t trust him.
Honey,
Honey,
if your heart has been broken many times, then it’s no wonder you don’t trust him.
Think about what you need in order to trust him- and then talk ti him about it. Trust takes time, and you need to learn it. But you can do it!
The guy I luvd I realised is
The guy I luvd I realised is a cheater. Help me
Hi Sai,
Hi Sai,
so sorry to hear that.
You need to decide on a way forward. Do you think he can change? Do you think you can trust him again? Take some time to think about it and make your decision based on this.
i hard a child with a gal
i hard a child with a gal while she was still at school n i intent to marry ha after schooling but unfortunately she is pregnant for someone else,,,wht should i du?
Ouch Rasto, that must hurt.
Ouch Rasto, that must hurt.
Have you talked to her about this? What does she say? And what do you feel? Take some time to talk to her and think- and see what you feel you want to do!
Hi,i broke up wth my
Hi,i broke up wth my boyfriend after i found out he has been lying to me for one year…now he claims that he loves me nd that why he never told me the truth…what can i do to make him leave me alone?
Hi Emmy,
Hi Emmy,
if you are serious about getting over him, stop all communication with him as much as possible.
Check this article for handy tips: http://lovematters.co.ke/news/getting-over-your-ex-dos-and-donts
My bf of 2 yrs med me
My bf of 2 yrs med me pregnant abt 6 months ago,wen I td him abt it,he statd abusing me daily n teln me dat I shd luk 4 da owner of dat child bcoz its nt his,I usd 2 cry myslf 2 slip daily fearing wat my parents wd do 2 me,unfortunately due 2 da stress I hd a miscariage 4 months later,I broke up wid da guy n nw 2 months later found anada guy bt am afraid he might hurt me 2,am scared of faln in luv again pls help
We are so sorry to hear this,
We are so sorry to hear this, Robyn!
You have gone through a lot, and it’s no wonder you are afraid. We suggest you take your time and take things slowly.
Maybe you could discuss this with your new partner as well, so see if we can work something out together.
All the best, we will keep our fingers crossed for you!
i had a lover,she loved me
i had a lover,she loved me before even i knew her..bt after knowing each other for a while,i got intrest on her..so we dated for atleast a yr..i loved her so much not even playing her n she knew tha..she loved me aswell for very many things she did to me showed that thou i never knew if she was faithfull to me..after she finished her high school studies,most of the time wen i called her she never received my calls..bt eventually she told me that she was prrgnant n the prrgnancy was not mine..up to now i dont know if that was true coz we havent met yet.
thou she still calls me n claims that she still loves me n that i should give her time..i dont nid her back .plz help i cant trust anymore..n i cant move on plz help me
Hi Kips,
Hi Kips,
sorry to hear your story!
We suggest if you are serious about leaving her, you need to stop communicating completely.
Check this article for more tips: http://lovematters.co.ke/news/getting-over-your-ex-dos-and-donts
I have been close to a girl
I have been close to a girl for 3yrs now, we’ve been friends, nd know much about each other, now l proposed to her nd she said l should give her time, we always talk on phone nd even meet sometimes but never talk on this issue, lam worried !!!
Hi Eric,
Hi Eric,
take some time to talk about it together. Talk discuss, ask, listen. But you need to communicate well if you want it to work.
its very true that those type
its very true that those type of ladies dont trust easily,it won’t be an easy job if u are not ready to sacrifice your own feelings, you will have to give up most of your needs to suit what she demands, the problem is that there is no guarantee that she won’t hv up easily,
its very true that those type
its very true that those type of ladies dont trust easily,it won’t be an easy job if u are not ready to sacrifice your own feelings, you will have to give up most of your needs to suit what she demands, the problem is that there is no guarantee that she won’t hv up easily,
Thanks for sharing your
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Stanley!
alov thiz gal so mch i trust
alov thiz gal so mch i trust her coz b4 u lov u mst trust n ur lover bt th gal claims tht i dnt trst her she has dcyded to kol t to an end jst bcoz she fils adnt trst of whc hav dan kila kitu to shw her tht i trst her wt shud i do shud i let t go bt i trly lov her
Hi Fabian,
Hi Fabian,
Have you tried talking to her about this? It sounds like you both love each other, but there were issues in the way that you couldn’t resolve.
So try again, and make sure you really talk about what the issues are!
ave stayed long after
ave stayed long after separating wid ma exe.afta wards i met my current his acused mi of an infection afta visiting hosipital i didnt ave infection.i stl luv him so much nt able to get over him bt smething tels mi hes nt faithful wat can i do¿
Hi Wanja,
Hi Wanja,
the most important thing in a relationship is that your partner trusts and respects you. I’m not sure this is the case here, so you need to take some time an consider what’s going on. Do you think your relationship can improve? Then by all means, go for it, and work on it. If not, think about what you really want!
Im kenyan n iv happened to
Im kenyan n iv happened to love thz guy frm tanzania..ok he approached me on facebook n i accpted n wev started dating,bt lookin at th distance btwn us meks me loose hope n feel lik giving up as in am too insecure dat mb hez just datin me fr fun.cz only miracle cn get us togther…bt i truly du love thz guy.yet i dnt knw f t will work or im jus wasting my time.
Hi Manal,
Hi Manal,
long distance relationships can be very challenging. We have quite a few articles with tips on our website, have a look around.
Maybe you can start with this one:
http://lovematters.co.ke/news/can-long-distance-relationships-work
i hav a girl i like very much
i hav a girl i like very much,i have expressed my fillings and she agree.problem is when i whant to meet her she dont show up,what can i do?
Hi there,
Hi there,
have you talked to her about this? What does she have to say?
i have been dating this gay
i have been dating this gay for the past ten years,he has sexually abused me several times.. But i still love him soo much…a few months ago i foundout that he is going to introduce someone else.he is the only guy i’ve ever loved in my entire life.what should i do???
Sheena, dear,
Sheena, dear,
please consider if this is really what you want and think you deserve.
Yes, this man may be the only man who you ever loved, but does he really love and respect you?
Have a look at this article, it may help you:
https://lovematters.co.ke/news/should-i-go-back-my-abusive-boyfriend
All the best!
she only say she loves me
she only say she loves me when we make love..she only talk about serious issues like marriage when she needs me in bed.But am always serious with our relationship coz despite her being older than l,l’d want to marry her..l try to engage her in serious talk bt she takes it for granted..wat do l do?
Have you tried to talk to her
Have you tried to talk to her about this, Ryan?
Tell her how it makes you feel, and how important that is to you!
hi,there is a gal that i love
hi,there is a gal that i love en i want her in ma life,bt she dont want to simply because she is older than me wit a year en she is a lesbian too….bt we do go out for lunch,dinner..plz i need ua help because i really love this girl
H Hussein,
H Hussein,
if she indeed is homosexual, then there is absolutely nothing you can do. She is not interested in a sexual relationship with a man, and there is nothing you or she can change about that.
Sorry!
This is real good to my mind.
This is real good to my mind. Very interesting
Glad to hear that!
Glad to hear that!
love matters.i hv thiz guy
love matters.i hv thiz guy whm i love very,we knew each other through chatrum,and their after i went and meet him.we fall in lv and there after we started dating.bat 4 2months ago thiz guy has changed so much.he stop texting,calling.at a tym i can cal bat he wil end up nt ansering.same 2 text message.bat wen i asked him,he said he’s having problem with some issues at their rural home.wat should i do.
Hi Val,
Hi Val,
give him some time, but be supportive.
If it continues for too long, you need to bring it up again.
If he is stressed, it’s possible that he is absent minded for a bit, but don’t put up with it for too long.
I have a girl am datin, she
I have a girl am datin, she has cheatd on me 3 tyms wt 3 difrnd guys. Each tym she apologise wt tears neva 2 repeat again nd dat she loves me so much.
D last one realy hurts me cuz she wuz wt my child nd i wuz takin very gud kr of her nd al her nids, we broke up bt her Family brot us brk..
We hav d Child nw bt no trust cuz even thou we stil datin, i hav anoda girl that loves me so very much nd i hav filins 4 her 2, she knows about d afair nd blame herslf 4 it thou.
Wat shuld i do nw cuz i dnt kno y i jus knt tel her 2 go out of my life?
Both of them hav met and knows themslf, my oda gal nw wants me av a child wt her cus she tinks i myt leave her for my 1st gal cuz of her child.
Pls advise me on hw 2 handle diz.
Thanks
Hi JJay,
Hi JJay,
you need to figure out what you want. Playing them both isn’t a good idea. Take some time to really think and figure out what you want, and make your decision based on that!
I was heartbroken n I fear to
I was heartbroken n I fear to date again,I fear men,what should i do to forget my past….
Hymi you need to give
Hymi you need to give yourself time to heal and gt over the heart break before you can let yourself love again.
hey love matterz..i hv
hey love matterz..i hv agalfrd..i love her so mch and she tells me dat am da only man she love buh i alwayz catch her with guyz giving them da contacts..
Shafic, have you tried to
Shafic, have you tried to talk to her about this and how it makes you feel?
i fell in love with my ex 1yr
i fell in love with my ex 1yr 4months ago recently he started accusing me of cheating which i wasn’t. we talked abt it for long n he confessed that he was seeing another gal before me and they never broke up coz he thot he will get over her and leave her when with me which he dint and so he has bn having both of us ever since. now he broke up with me to remain with the other gal coz he can’t get over her. av bn so loyal and loved him so much. am so hurt i cant move pls help me plz. am hurting badly.
Wow Corazon that must be a
Wow Corazon that must be a lot to go through. Have you read our article on hoe to deal with heart breaks? https://lovematters.co.ke/news/how-cure-broken-heart
Hi like this chic, we met
Hi like this chic, we met during an internship. But she is 2 years older than me, she is great but don’t know how to tell her I love her, because she might see the age thing as an issue.
Hi Jay it could be difficult
Hi Jay it could be difficult to tell her but the truth is if you don’t tell her she will never find out. You might be surprised to know she might not care about the age difference. But regardless of the outcome at least you will not linger wondering and asking yourself what if.
how can i know a girl who z
how can i know a girl who z crashing on me?
Tom, someone who has a crush
Tom, someone who has a crush on you will want to see you all the time look at you and just be in your vicinity as much as they can. You can always try to talk to her and break the ice . Find out what she thinks about you.
av got this problem with ma
av got this problem with ma man,,, we’ve be dating for 3 yrs now n to b honest I do lov him n he claims to love me more..surprisingly he alwys talk of seeing a future in me n to a sure me of it, he has introduced me to his family n frnds…now here is d big problem,,he cheated on me the whole of last yr bt thanks to my holy angels I came to realize it before the yr ended,, I tried to confront him about the issue bt all he did was to deny,,later on I received all the kind of insults from his side chic n I decided to x pose them to him,, he accepted his unfaithfulness n promised never to repeat,,,Well, of late he has changed if I may say,when i pay a visit to him,am surprised by the way he receives different calls from different chics at late hrs, he would leave me in his house and show up the following morng drunk,, when I ask him the reason behind spending the night outside he remains speechless,,,,My query is ,is he rlly the tru guy for me or what might b happeng?…Nid ur help plz cos i sincerely love him from the bottom of ma hrt
Fay its a difficult thing to
Fay its a difficult thing to always be in doubt about your partner. The truth is he might not have kept his promise to stay faithful. You have really asked an important ‘is he really the true guy for you? You need to take time and think about that then decide if he is or not.
Am inlove with this gal we
Am inlove with this gal we have dated for six monthsi even introduced her to ma parents u don’t even know any of her relative ..of late she has changed she doesn’t want to talk to me she said her heart is not at peace n she also hv a feeling for her ex
You need to talk to her and
You need to talk to her and find out what she wants. If she is still interested in pursuing the relationship then you need to discuss on how to resolve the issues you have.
Y do men give chics silence
Y do men give chics silence treatment?? Even if uv done nothing to upset him?? Do they fear to face u n tell u the truth or wat??
I am in a relationship that
I am in a relationship that has lasted 14months..we’ve only had sex twice and that was in the first three months..I’ve introduced the girl to my family yet she refused doing that and she says its not yet…of recent last four meetings i had with her she always sobs coz of some disagreements on having sex and y she want the relationship b secret…i asked her if we can talk about this issues she insist that we can not and that she is used to it..please advice
Hi I Have this guy in my life
Hi I Have this guy in my life I really Love so much Just recently I was it him n the day of returning I refused to tell his Mum I was to leave dat day I told my guy to tell her mum I was sorry But he called me in the evening saying her mum was annoyed with me cus I didn’t tell her since that evening Have try calling him But he won’t pick either do he answer my message Am very confused what should I do
av bin dating a chick fo 3yrs
av bin dating a chick fo 3yrs….bt nowadaiz i dont care fo her….bt adont wana loose her…wats wrong?
hi, i have a gal who dont
hi, i have a gal who dont really love sex frequently while me myself i love it very much, i consider marring her in feature but i fear that our relationship would b in trouble wid this sex starvation on my side, help plz
I has date ths girl for a
I has date ths girl for a month we sleep once after a week sh ws in th clb its y she could nt pick up my call next dy but she told me she went alne nw her phone is off i lov her bt im confuse now her acting advice me plse
Hi Eek,
Hi Eek,
Sorry that you have this doubts.
It sounds as though you dont trust her. And her actions show that she does not care about your relationship.
Read this article and then think about your relationship and decide what will be you best move. Just replace boyfriend with girlfriend https://lovematters.co.ke/news/signs-cheating-boyfriend .
I Thought i would never fall…
I Thought i would never fall in love again after a break up and the person i hated most in the area is the one i fell for, why? he never gave up on what he wanted and proved to be different from others.
We are happy for you Dokih…
We are happy for you Dokih. We wish you well.