• Love & Relationships
• Breaking up

Brainwash me. I’m heartbroken.

By Valentine Njoroge on

My girlfriend wants us to part ways for no reason. I can’t stop thinking about her and I love her so much. I want to be brainwashed and forget the past.

The end of the world as you know it

I am so sorry darling. Heartache can feel like the end of the world because frankly, it is the end of our world as we know it. To love someone and find out that they do not feel the same way about you is a version of hell. The good news is that this shall pass. No feeling that we ever have lasts forever, not love, not joy, not anger. And definitely not heartache.

No brainwashing, please

I do not know whether brainwashing is available and I will not check for you because I do not think that it is something you want. Washing your past away would mean washing away vital lessons and parts of yourself. So let us look at more practical solutions…

You are nursing a wound. It is emotional and therefore not as visible as a physical wound, but you are hurting and you should treat yourself gently.

If you had burnt your whole leg, you would be on bed rest, other people would be nursing your wound and everything in your life would be on ‘go-slow’ as you recuperated. Your heart needs the same care.

Hang out with people who love you, people who make you happy and bring you joy. Try and take part in activities that boost your self-esteem. Rejection is painful, especially from those who we love. We imagine that it means there is something wrong with us, but please remember that this is not true. You two were simply mismatched and that does not mean there is anything wrong with either of you.

You will get over this, I promise

Over time I have found that what tortures us the most is what we tell ourselves about situations in life. Your short e-mail sounds powerless as you claim that you cannot stop thinking about her. But the truth is that you can and eventually you will. Remind yourself that you are a caring and loving young man who will make a great boyfriend for the next girl that comes along. It simply did not work out with this girl.

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