Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

Bisexual and married

I’m a newlywed. I’m also a lesbian – or let’s say, bisexual. My hubby found out about this recently and was mad at me, though later we resolved the issue.

But I can’t stop thinking about this particular girl. It’s made me lose feelings for my hubby. What do I do?


Wow! This is a lot to deal with. The unfortunate thing about living in a country where homosexuality is illegal is many people do not understand homosexuality and it’s difficult to find reliable information locally. A lot of us also live with misconceptions about homosexuality. So your hubby might be thinking that he hit the jackpot with a bisexual wife since he figures you will always be up for threesomes with other women.

What is homosexuality?

It does not sound like your husband – or you, for that matter – fully understands what’s happening here. I think of homosexual people not only as people who are sexually attracted to people of the same sex but also as people who want to create strong emotional and romantic bonds with people of the same sex.

Human sexuality is so broad and, unfortunately, it has only been studied scientifically for around 60 years in the West.

And I have yet to read a study on lesbian or bisexual Africans.

Everything is negotiable

That said, what I can tell you is that everything in human relationships is navigable and negotiable through love, honesty, and respect. You are newly married and say that you have lost feelings for your husband. Are you sure you love this woman? Or is it just a simple crush? Does she know how you feel about her? If she does, and she reciprocates your feelings, what would be your ideal scenario? Would you leave your husband and spend your life with her?

You may find that hurting your husband or breaking up your new home is not worth the effort for a passing attraction. If you are sure that you no longer love your husband, then you just really owe him the truth.

I have a feeling this attraction to women will keep coming up, so for more information about homosexuality, check out the Gay and Lesbian Coalition of Kenya at They also have links to the local community.

How can you tell if it’s love or a simple crush? Comment below or join the discussion on Love Matters Naija and Love Matters Kenya.

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