Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

Left at the alter but open to forgive

'I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for three years. On the day of our wedding, he didn’t show up. I was heartbroken. But now he wants me back even though he says he doesn’t know why he left me in the first place. Should I forgive him or leave him?'

Ouch! How painful and embarrassing for you and both your families. I can’t tell you what to do. Only you can decide if you are going to forgive him or not. But I can say that in order to forgive people and let them back into our hearts, we typically need to know what happened that made them hurt us.

Was he terrified of getting married? Was he unsure that he wanted to marry you? Did he have a panic or anxiety attack? I think you are hesitant because he has yet to give you a clear answer. If he doesn’t know why he jilted you, how can he make sure it doesn’t happen again?

What you have been through is harrowing. It’s a testament to you and your character that you are considering forgiving this man and taking him back. When you love someone and you are ready to commit to them for the rest of your life, your love does not go away because they hurt you. You also do not see him in one dimension as someone who hurt you; instead you see many things about him which is why you were willing to spend your life with him. You will continue to love him. I suggest that you go for couples counselling and iron out your issues properly.

Do not involve your families at this point. Just go and get the answers that you need. You might find that while you love him, you do not want to be with him – or that you just can’t  forgive him for his mistake. Take your time with this decision and also with healing. Being jilted is devastating.


Would you be able to forgive someone who left you at the alter? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.

Comments
Lady Empress
Mon, 07/21/2014 - 19:15
i can be able 2 forgiv him but i dn't tink i can marry him only if i av sum1 else who have made me to regain my happines #Relief
Tafadzwa Taffie Mutombwa
Tue, 07/22/2014 - 05:56
The decision is yours dia coz your future is in your hands and b careful coz hz gonna do more than that.wy dd h left u at first?pliz mek a ryt decision b4 ts too late
Tafadzwa Taffie Mutombwa
Tue, 07/22/2014 - 05:58
The decision is yours dia coz your future is in your hands and b careful coz hz gonna do more than that.wy dd h left u at first?pliz mek a ryt decision b4 ts too late...just forgive him n decide wats best for your future
Yonela yogiez
Tue, 07/22/2014 - 14:01
I thnk tt u shld forgive him b'coz he/she iz not killing u bt makes u stronger.remember tt past iz a foundation of future n we've learned from our mistakes.b strong n forgive n forget.
Add new comment

Comment

  • Allowed HTML tags: <a href hreflang>