woman with hands over her crotch

The noisy virgin

I have been dating a girl for three years. She pretended to be a virgin, made weird noises when I inserted the penis into her vagina. Was she really a virgin?

Virgin brides were highly valued in many cultures; and women went to great lengths to preserve the hymen. The surest sign or proof of virginity was (and still is), bleeding due to the breaking of the hymen. But of course, it's not an actual proof.​

​​​​​​In some ethnic groups, including certain tribes here in Kenya, a girl was never to be married a virgin. The husband could even return the inexperienced girl to acquire some ‘experience’.

Who is a virgin?

Some tribes, especially in the Southern Africa region, inspected girls every year to determine if they are still virgins or not.

Whereas in other cultures, girls were not allowed to do manual work, run, stretch, or do any activity that was likely to affect the hymen; and therefore making them ‘non-virgins’.

Elsewhere, tribes stitched up the vagina, leaving a very small opening for peeing and the period. Unfortunately, FGC, as this is known as, this can lead to very painful and traumatizing first time sex, and exposing women to complications during child birth.

Having said that, in my books and according to the dictionary, a virgin is someone who has never had sexual intercourse.

The modern woman and virginity

It’s increasingly rare to find girls with an intact hymen. Girls are now socialized to be as active as boys and participate in all manner of activities that could tear the hymen. The hymen can also be torn by using tampons, gynecological examinations, a straddle injury (a bike, horse riding etc.), and vigorous exercises like gymnastic.

Therefore, your girl could have been a virgin but her hymen parted before. I sincerely hope you are not one of those chauvinistic men, your ego now bruised because you had to wait for three years; then she didn’t bleed and you feel cheated. What is important is the state of your relationship and the emotional attachment and feelings of love toward each other.

If you really love this girl, then hymen or no hymen: you should be together.

On the other hand, one always has a sense of discerning if they are being cheated or not. So you should do some soul searching and investigations of your own to determine if she is truthful or not. But please don’t doubt her on the account of not bleeding.


Would you trust her? Share your thoughts below or on Facebook. For all questions about virginity, check in with our forum moderators.

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