Abstinence: My junk stays in my trunk

Men are often accused of being ‘dogs’, ‘players’ and ‘man whores’. But some consciously decide to ‘keep it in their pants’. We talk to three of them.

Tuning out the sex

Henry is single and has been dating since age 16. He admits to watching porn as an educational tool to learn just how to please the ladies. Yet, he doesn’t ‘carry home the goods’ after a night out. Why?

‘There has to be more to her than great sex. She needs to be an intellectual match,’ says Henry. Yes, he’s had his share of one-night stands. But now he’s more focused on finding a long-term relationship – “something steady”‘.

So he’s trying to tune sex out of his head. He’s actually repulsed when a woman throws herself at him.

The biggest organ

Ken has been accused of being a womaniser. He knows all the ‘player’ tricks: make a lady laugh and you are going to ‘score’. He was never good at keeping his eyes or hands to himself. But then something changed.

‘I realized that the brain is the largest sex organ,’ says Ken. He started to believe in a spiritual dimension to sex. He stopped wanting to get involved with a woman he doesn’t intend to marry.

‘Even if I look at women with big behinds and short skirts, I don’t look and objectify them,’ says Ken. ‘I tell myself that if I feed myself with sexual thoughts, I will be tempted to experiment with these thoughts. It’s all about taming the eyes and the mind.’

Is it love?

Kevin always saw sex as a way to satisfy his physical needs and fill a void he felt. ‘It always started with a great conversation, followed by sex. Then the complications would follow. The “Who are we?” question would pop up.’

Kevin is convinced that, whether we admit it or not, sex connects us to each other.

‘That connection is always there and it affects future relationships. That’s the reason why we always have that urge to hook up with the ex.’

Kevin now follows very specific steps when confronted with an attractive woman. ‘I accept and acknowledge it. I then ask myself: What is the right thing to do? Would she even want to do what I am imagining doing to her? And would it be out of genuine love?’

Have you chosen to keep your junk in your trunks? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Love Matters Naija and Kenya.