Animated image of a woman in pain
Shutterstock

When sex hurts

Sex can hurt for a lot of women at some point in their lives. But when pain during intercourse doesn’t go away, it’s time to get things checked out.

Pain before, during, or after sexual intercourse that doesn’t go away with time is called dyspareunia, and it feels different for every woman.

For some, sex only hurts during one position or movement, like deep thrusting. Other women find that intercourse with one partner is too painful to bear, while with another lover it’s pure bliss. It’s also possible for a woman to feel pain every time she is penetrated and even be unable to use a tampon.

Lubrication

Why is intercourse painful for some women sometimes and pleasurable for others all the time? The answer’s simple – there are many different causes of dyspareunia. Often, it’s a combination of things that are responsible for this condition.

Some causes are purely physical, like an infection or inflammation in the vagina. There are also psychological and emotional reasons like stress, anxiety, a poor body image, or a fear of pain. These can make it hard for a woman to get aroused enough to have sex. So sometimes, painful sex can just be a question of not enough lubrication.

Tips

What can you do if you or your partner have painful intercourse? A doctor can help figure out what’s going on. Dyspareunia is treated by examining a woman for physical problems and asking her where and when it hurts. But doctors also treat psychological and relationship issues that are involved. All are super important to healthy and pain-free sex.

The good news is that there are also some tried and true tips that can help. Foreplay’s a great place to begin. The more time you spend getting physical before intercourse the more aroused a woman will be.
During sex, it’s a good idea to switch things up and try different positions since some will be more pleasurable than others. And don’t forget to use lots of lubrication – when it comes to pain-free sex, wetter is definitely better.


Have you experience pain during sex? How did you deal with it? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.

Tell us what you think

Recent Comments (95)

  1. Hv pain during sex think hv
    Hv pain during sex think hv problem wit ma woo mp cause all de time hv sex feel like he’s pushing ma woo mp n dnt enjoy sex

    1. Mamo Ladyn,

      Mamo Ladyn,
      it could indeed be that his penis hits against your cervix which can be very uncomfortable. Try positions where penetration is shallow or where you are in charge of the depth, like you on top!

  2. Hv to b incondroll by being
    Hv to b incondroll by being on top bt still feel de pain I sometimes put ma finger jst to check bt ma woo mp is clos by think dt is y feel pai during sex

    1. Mamo Ladyn,

      Mamo Ladyn,
      are you very aroused and wet when you are having sex?

  3. my guy always wants 5 short
    my guy always wants 5 short evryday at 9t n ma prblem s dat da fast play i enjoy it da 2nd i feel more painful n i cant manage da rest, wat can i do so dat i can receiv 5 plays, in arous, orgasm na lubricant am ok

    1. Rabs,

      Rabs,
      you need to talk to him. Sex isn’t about quantity, it’s about quality! Why go five times quickly and painfully, when you can have it once or twice, slowly, and painlessly? Nothing against the occasional quickie, but if that isn’t satisfying, having them five times just sounds exhausting.

  4. I have a problem wen having
    I have a problem wen having sex I always fill a lot of pain and thea is this smell that comes out after sex another thing I can’t handle the second round of sex plz help me

    1. Damaris,

      Damaris,
      are you very wet and aroused when you start having sex?
      Is the smell a sort of fishy ‘aquarium-like’ smell? That’s totally normal.
      And if you can’t handle a second round, don’t have one. Have sex once and make it count!
      You need to talk to your partner about this. Sex is about both people’s enjoyment.

    2. Bate every time u see monthly
      Bate every time u see monthly period at ur time of sex

  5. my gal feels some pain when
    my gal feels some pain when having sex though she loves me and she asks me if she can try it on another man bt i say no to her,my dick is sizeable what do i do?

    1. Julius,

      Julius,
      um, to be honest, that’s a bit of a strange request…
      Why don’t you try different positions, extra lubricants, a different condom brand (if you are using condoms). Try different things (not men!) and see what works!

    2. while ur gal feels pain while
      while ur gal feels pain while having sex be sure that is not urs is looking for somebody else at another concer.

  6. Hello. I have one experienced
    Hello. I have one experienced extreme abdominal pain after sex till I couldn’t stand up or sit up. My stomach went bad and I experienced painful farting (kinda embarrassing). I stopped having sex and I fear consulting a doctor. What could be the problem?

    1. Jo,

      Jo,
      please see a doctor. Pain is rarely a good sign, but we can’t tell what is going on just through your description. Please seek medical help as soon as possible.

  7. i av a boyfriend evrytym we
    i av a boyfriend evrytym we hve sex aftr sex i do av a lt of pain tht even wlkng smetyms its hard n whn i sleep wth anthr guy i dnt fll any pains y?

    1. Brenda,

      Brenda,
      when you sleep with your boyfriend, are you wet and aroused?

  8. What are the dangers of
    What are the dangers of mastipation koz ma gal is very far From me and i ussually do mastipation

    1. Reagan,

      Reagan,
      masturbation is a normal part of a healthy sex life, and you don’t have to fear any side effects. There aren’t any negative ones.

      1. There are sideeffects of it
        There are sideeffects of it

  9. I av a boyfriend nampenda na
    I av a boyfriend nampenda na ananpenda,stil kuna chal alinkatia na nkamkubal coz alidaisha yuanletea laptop,ashaaleta laptop ynywe na cmtak na naogopa ma real boyfriend kujua aky,what shld i do?

    1. Have you talked to him about
      Have you talked to him about your concerns, Cynthia?

    2. You are just fucked up
      You are just fucked up materialistic …

    3. what should you do?? girl you
      what should you do?? girl you should figure that up soon before I tell both your true and false boyfriends

    4. You definetely need a laptop
      You definetely need a laptop to smash your brains.

  10. I always feel pain with doggy
    I always feel pain with doggy style

    1. It could be from the angle of
      It could be from the angle of penetration. Try slower, or with him being a bit higher.

  11. i have a man in my life but
    i have a man in my life but we are not in good terms,i thnk its end of us but i dont want to loze him.i love him so much

    1. It takes time to get over
      It takes time to get over someone you love. The best thing you can do is to distance yourself- both emotionally and physically.

  12. I cant have sex more than sex
    I cant have sex more than sex round what cab be the problem plz

    1. How many rounds you can go
      How many rounds you can go doesn’t matter. Make it count. Even once is great, just make sure you are both getting what you want!

  13. Hai.i Wnda if am nrmol,coz
    Hai.i Wnda if am nrmol,coz wen i do sex.fast rnd i tke more tym,2hrs wail scnd sex i tke 45mntx

    1. Two hours is quite a long
      Two hours is quite a long time. How is your partner dealing with this?
      Spend more time on foreplay. The more aroused you are, the faster you will be able to orgasm.

  14. Am pg and anytime we sex i
    Am pg and anytime we sex i feel pain at my lower abdomen am 6months.what shld i do

  15. Am pg and anytime we sex i
    Am pg and anytime we sex i feel pain at my lower abdomen am 6months.what shld i do

    1. Tracy,

      Tracy,
      Please mention this to your doctor at your next check up.

  16. What Makes my gal throw her
    What Makes my gal throw her self and cry loud when aroused,even before penetrating her??

    1. Joe,

      Joe,
      Have you asked her? She will be able to tell you, we don’t know what makes her do it

  17. I like it wen she scream wen
    I like it wen she scream wen i fuk.so these one time she decided to b quiet n i rubbed even harder n faster…so she had to….n nowadayz wen she wants it harder she ‘zip’…i hate that …n its now too much i cant hundle it..

    1. Linus,

      Linus,
      Have you talked to her about this?

  18. hi..I miscarrige 3 months
    hi..I miscarrige 3 months pregnt bt after that i finshed 1 month and have my mp bt i feel dozzing, pains under my abdomen and back and frm that day i miscarrige i ve never done sex, what is happening? please help me

    1. Hi Valentine, have you gone
      Hi Valentine, have you gone to the hospital to have a check up?

  19. I love sex BT y do i never
    I love sex BT y do i never experienced orgasm nd squirt bwhen my bf is done I’m still horny to be honest I’m neva satisfied evry time we have sex it’s sore BT after he went slowly inside then its better the only time I feel pain is a when we do doggystyle

  20. ihave been married to my wife
    ihave been married to my wife for more than 10yrs de problem is she never ever like having sex. couse we might hav sex once a month , is this nomal?

    1. Hi Magoda, have you talked to
      Hi Magoda, have you talked to her about why she does not like to have sex?

  21. Have a burning feeling after
    Have a burning feeling after having sex

    1. Hi Wamadoo, if you get other
      Hi Wamadoo, if you get other signs like itchiness or abnormal discharge you should go to hospital for a check up.

  22. I loved my ex vry much tht
    I loved my ex vry much tht even after gettng another one. still i feel her in my heart. Is it possible to marry my ex.?

    1. Hi Davy if you can be able to
      Hi Davy if you can be able to resolve your issues and rekindle your love then there is no reason why you can’t get married.

  23. Hi, my problem is that,
    Hi, my problem is that, whenever I have sex I realise fast, why? And is there any way to have long one

  24. I love this man like we’ve
    I love this man like we’ve been dating for 3years but it happened that we were cousins and non of us knew what can i do coz am so much into this guy and i cant help it and i just want to fgt hm completely though i fl hes my evrythn

  25. my girl hates me since she
    my girl hates me since she became pregnant and she don’t feel having sex with me what can i do

    1. Hi Ephra, you just have to be
      Hi Ephra, you just have to be patient and supportive with her. Sometimes the pregnancy hormones can do that to a woman.

  26. hae I have a problem with my
    hae I have a problem with my penis I like sex and date ladies whom I don’t satisfy due to my small penis yet am a grown up now 23 years what can I do?

  27. Just all times want to hav
    Just all times want to hav sex no matter how many times i really love it as if it’s ma life. could there be any abnormality with me?!

    1. Hi Elinox, there is nothing
      Hi Elinox, there is nothing wrong with having a good sexual drive, actually its normal and healthy. The only thing one needs to practice and have is self control. One does not need to act on all his sexual urges all the time.

  28. I have this guy and we
    I have this guy and we started dating now 8months and we often have sex but he never does it well like my former,whenever we do it I think of my former and I don’t feel him what could be the problem? Is it bse I don’t love this new guy or what? I have never felt him in bed

    1. Hi Harry, the first thing you
      Hi Harry, the first thing you need to do is stop comparing him to your ex. Every man is different and therefore comparing him to someone else is doing your relationship injustice. You need to talk to him about this, and possibly teach him what you like and how you would prefer to have your sex to enable you enjoy sex more.

      Check out this article and learn more https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/how-work-toward-better-sex .

  29. Am always starved by my boi
    Am always starved by my boi friend whenever we havea disagreement, is et ok fr me to have sex outside this rlpship?

    1. Hi Sylvia, will that solve
      Hi Sylvia, will that solve anything? What if he did the same to you? You need to think about this things. Its easier resolving the issues you have or breaking up if its not working out.

  30. I ejaculate fast during sex
    I ejaculate fast during sex but 2nd ejaculation I stay for long to extend of hurting my g/f what can I do for my 2nd ejaculation to accur fast. ..coz I end up unsatisfied, and hurting my g/f coz her mood varnishes… can it be normal?

    1. Hi Dazii, that is normal for
      Hi Dazii, that is normal for most men. The second round tends to be longer than the first. You need to communicate with your partner during sex to avoid hurting them. Trying different styles and positions could go a long way in spicing up your sex life. You need to concentrate on the pleasure of sex to enjoy more. Check out this article and learn more https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/making-love .

  31. iam a victim of musterbation
    iam a victim of musterbation thing, when am am having sex with my patner i cum after two or three throws, what could i do to Stop it?

  32. Mine is just a comment.
    Mine is just a comment. Please there r various forms of sexes…anal, vaginal and oral. I would wish to encourage partners to explore all these forms to let them enjoy their love life. Sex is not only vaginal… Ama vipi?

    1. Thanks a lot Aringoh for your
      Thanks a lot Aringoh for your input and participation.

  33. I have a guy whom i love so
    I have a guy whom i love so much bt he sayd we shid part ways cz of my bhvia of checking into his phone bt he said we will jst be fucking that cnt stop is he using me plz help

    1. Hi Nadia , sorry that you are
      Hi Nadia , sorry that you are going through this. If the relationship is over why then should he be still getting sex from you. That should be the question you should be asking yourself. You are right he is using you. You should decide if that kind of a relationship is one that you want to be in.

  34. I Hv A Husband Wu Ix Neva
    I Hv A Husband Wu Ix Neva Xatisfied,i Try 2 Satisfy Hm Bt Oopx Al In Vain Watx Da Problem

    1. Hi Natasha, have you talked
      Hi Natasha, have you talked to him abut it. Havr you asked him what would satisfy him?

  35. Still loving my fathers son
    Still loving my fathers son despite that we broke up coz of some issues, he has another family nao,but still I can’t move on with ma lyf, weneva I meet another guy I feel that am doing wrong, this is my 3yr Neva had sex from the tym we broke up, aki wat should I do, I wanna be happy 2 but hao???

  36. Iam avirgin nw 20yrs i hve
    Iam avirgin nw 20yrs i hve neva tried to vib any gal cz am fearful shy luck words n confidence 2 face agal i dont lk this condtn am in cz feel bad see mi younger bro fuck babes yet mi i cant………..iinseady lk wtchin porn i over release n hve high libido in tht smtymz i cant control mi mind frm thinkin abt sex 4 the whole week fail to concentrate in class wat can i do cx i hve faild to vibgals…..ts lk am daft n unsharp

  37. I have prblm whn w hvng xxx
    I have prblm whn w hvng xxx 1st round it normal but when w have to strt secnd round it take morethan 1hour or 2hours to be horny I dnt why can u help

    1. Hi Sboniso, there is nothing
      Hi Sboniso, there is nothing wrong with that. Most men take time to regain their erection after ejaculation.

  38. As I see some people when
    As I see some people when they start sex their penis is falling faster. what is the problem of this guy?? how he improve this ???

  39. am always feel pain before
    am always feel pain before sex during sex and after i have been in hospital but i still have that pain

    1. Hi Carol, you should go back
      Hi Carol, you should go back to hospital and inform the doctor that you still have the issue.

  40. What can i do so that i will
    What can i do so that i will not release early am taking only Three minutes

  41. My hubby is positive( is hiv
    My hubby is positive( is hiv positive ed am negative what can I do to enjoy sex while using condoM.

    1. Hi Lily, the condom does not
      Hi Lily, the condom does not reduce pleasure during sex so all you have to do is continue enjoying sex with your partner.

  42. my boyfriend penis can’t
    my boyfriend penis can’t erect can he be treated and his penis can work??

    1. Hi Tioche, if this is a
      Hi Tioche, if this is a persistent problem, he needs to visit a doctor for help.

  43. Hi!why do i take too long to
    Hi!why do i take too long to ejaculation(1-2 hrs) most of the tlme not all?.my partner complains too over this.

    1. HI Simon,

      HI Simon,
      There is no standard for how long it takes a man to reach orgasm, so the fact that it takes your partner a long time may just be how his body works.

      causes of delayed orgasm in men may include the use of drugs, prescription or otherwise. For others, it takes time to build trust with a partner, to feel like you can really “let go.”

      Focus on your sex life as a unique experience, rather than fall back on preconceived notions or expectations of what should be occurring sexually. By working together with your partner it’s likely that you will find what works and produces the right magic. Have fun experimenting and enjoy the journey.

  44. i love the father of ma son
    i love the father of ma son bt he doesnt giv me enough time,he spends it wz hiz first wife,decided to indulge in another affair wc am really happy in.

    1. Thanks for sharing that with
      Thanks for sharing that with us .

  45. Now days iam not wet during…
    Now days iam not wet during sex I use Vaseline me and my partner so I can enjoy sex without pain I do know if my feels for him is gone?the worse thing iam in marriage.

    1. Hello Loise, become wet is…

      Hello Loise, become wet is usually the result of being aroused. If you are not becoming wet, try spend some more time in foreplay. It is also important you talk with your partner about what will get you or gets you aroused. Also, you can supplement the lubrication but Vaseline is not the best option. You can consider using oil based or water based lubricants. Not becoming wet during sex doesn’t mean that you have no feeling for your husband, it just means you are not aroused at that time. Talking about sex can help improve the experience for you and your partner. Remember, in a relationship like marriage sex can become routine and boring, but by talking about it from time to time, gives partners a chance to talk about what they like and want during sex. Check out the following article for more information;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/got-lube

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/marriage/married-life/no-feelings-for-husband

LOVE MATTERS

Blush-free facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships