Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

No feelings for husband

By Valentine Njoroge Monday, August 10, 2015 - 14:40
I am married but have no feelings for my husband. Never had. I like him, and he's a good friend. But nothing more. What can I do?

Disorienting

Oh wow! I am so sorry. I imagine you feel very lonely in this. I wish you had said a little more about what might have precipitated this. Or did your apathy just come out of nowhere? To go from the heady and intoxicating feeling of being ‘in love’ to feeling nothing can be disorienting, to say the least.

You are, however, married so you did choose to spend your life with this man. You do not sound like you want to leave him, so how about you try remembering why you fell in love with him in the first place? Was it his good looks that attracted you to him? Was it his wicked sense of humour that kept your ribs cracking? Is he a great listener? Perhaps he is supportive and encouraging of you? A man who believes in us – and our dreams – can be very attractive.

It is a season and marriage like, all relationships, is full of them.

Is it really over?

The actor Will Smith recently confessed that his marriage to Jada Pinkett-Smith has died several times. Just like you, he admitted that the love is not always there and there have been times when it wasn’t easy to remain married. I love this level of candour because it gives us a real glimpse into what marriage is like. What you are going through is impermanent just like everything else in life and it too shall pass.

Wait a bit

Unless you or your children are unsafe, find a way to maintain a friendship with your partner and the love will come back. Perhaps not the heady and drunk 'in love' feeling, but a deep affection for your partner that comes from building a life together and going through all manner of things. Take heart dear, and don’t give up.

 

Has your relationship passed through seasons of apathy? Let our discussion board moderators know if you need help.

Comments
My husband lost his job..its been several months now, he lazily sleeps all day and makes no effort to get another job so he's left me to cater for all bills..this has made me hate this marriage and him,kindly I feel like breaking it..i need your help,

Hey Edna, have you talked about this with your husband? It is important that you find a good time and talk with your partner about what you have observed and how this makes you feel. Also, do let your partner know the strain this is putting on you financially and also on the relationship. This conversation may be helpful in getting him to come up with a plan including starting to look for a new job. Lastly, all relationships will have challenges from time to time but it is how partners choose to address the issues that makes the difference. Check out the following articles for more information;- 

https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/tips-for-talking-to-your-partner

https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/knowing-when-to-break-up

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