Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

No feelings for husband

I am married but have no feelings for my husband. Never had. I like him, and he’s a good friend. But nothing more. What can I do?


Oh wow! I am so sorry. I imagine you feel very lonely in this. I wish you had said a little more about what might have precipitated this. Or did your apathy just come out of nowhere? To go from the heady and intoxicating feeling of being ‘in love’ to feeling nothing can be disorienting, to say the least.

You are, however, married so you did choose to spend your life with this man. You do not sound like you want to leave him, so how about you try remembering why you fell in love with him in the first place? Was it his good looks that attracted you to him? Was it his wicked sense of humour that kept your ribs cracking? Is he a great listener? Perhaps he is supportive and encouraging of you? A man who believes in us – and our dreams – can be very attractive.

It is a season and marriage like, all relationships, is full of them.

Is it really over?

The actor Will Smith recently confessed that his marriage to Jada Pinkett-Smith has died several times. Just like you, he admitted that the love is not always there and there have been times when it wasn’t easy to remain married. I love this level of candour because it gives us a real glimpse into what marriage is like. What you are going through is impermanent just like everything else in life and it too shall pass.

Wait a bit

Unless you or your children are unsafe, find a way to maintain a friendship with your partner and the love will come back. Perhaps not the heady and drunk ‘in love’ feeling, but a deep affection for your partner that comes from building a life together and going through all manner of things. Take heart dear, and don’t give up.


Has your relationship passed through seasons of apathy? Let our discussion board moderators know if you need help.

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Recent Comments (24)

  1. My husband lost his job..its…
    My husband lost his job..its been several months now, he lazily sleeps all day and makes no effort to get another job so he’s left me to cater for all bills..this has made me hate this marriage and him,kindly I feel like breaking it..i need your help,

    1. Hey Edna, have you talked…

      Hey Edna, have you talked about this with your husband? It is important that you find a good time and talk with your partner about what you have observed and how this makes you feel. Also, do let your partner know the strain this is putting on you financially and also on the relationship. This conversation may be helpful in getting him to come up with a plan including starting to look for a new job. Lastly, all relationships will have challenges from time to time but it is how partners choose to address the issues that makes the difference. Check out the following articles for more information;-

    2. Am sorry my dea for wat u r…
      Am sorry my dea for wat u r going through ,but remember that wen he was working he could take care for the family ,however sit down and talk to him ,in the name of love coz kazi huwa inakosa for sure

      1. Thank you for your…

        Thank you for your contribution. 

    1. Hey Roba, welcome to Love…

      Hey Roba, welcome to Love Matters.

    1. Hey Lynn, Welcome to Love…

      Hey Lynn, Welcome to Love Matters. You can interact with us here or on our Facebook Pages Love Matters Kenya or Love Matters Naija depending with where you are. 

    1. You are welcome Real, keep…

      You are welcome Real, keep reading our articles. 

  2. Love to join your website
    Love to join your website

    1. Irene, thank you for your…

      Irene, thank you for your interest. Read our articles and comment. 

  3. Hey have been married for…
    Hey have been married for 6Years now and my husband worked so hard to provide for us,my jobless myself
    now i have a problem my hubby has started cheating on me with some girl but when i ask why thn he told me i have nothing going on with that girl i even went to ancxsted of texting this girl and the lady told me we were together is just that you get pregnant with him….
    thn i just assume that m
    is over now my worries is how can i come back to trust my hubby again like everthing hr does i feel like they are steal together….what can i do to get back to normal again help me

    1. Dear Claudia, first, this…

      Dear Claudia, first, this was not your fault it’s your husband who made the choice to cheat on you. To be able to rebuild trust in your relationship, you husband needs to be remorseful and play his role to build back trust in your relationship. It is important you have an honest conversation with your partner about what the cheating suspicion, let him know how this has affected your trust toward him and how it is affecting your relationship. This conversation will help you and your husband agree on how to proceed and how to work on trust in your relationship. We wish you all the best. Have a look at the following article;-

  4. Wonderful conversation and…
    Wonderful conversation and one can really learn a lot.

    1. Hey Brenda we are glad you…

      Hey Brenda we are glad you found this useful. 

    1. You are welcome Caroline.

      You are welcome Caroline.

  5. It is normal to fall out of…
    It is normal to fall out of love sometimes and then fall back in love again. Don’t quit it will be better soon.

    1. Thank you Joy for your…

      Thank you Joy for your contribution.

  6. This is exactly how I feel…
    This is exactly how I feel right now we are so distant we no longer have fun like we did before I don’t know how we even got here. I need help or I am going to loose my marriage.

    1. Hello Linda, so sorry about…

      Hello Linda, so sorry about this. It is important for you and your partner to figure out what has led to this. Open and honest conversations will help you both get to the root of the issues. Find a good time and have this conversation with your partner. Many times when their is not communication in a relationship, partners will begin to grow apart and this will strain the relationship. You can also consider seeking profession help as necessary to try and address the issues. Have a look at the following article;-

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