Distressed young man in front of a blurred grey background

Premature ejaculation: I come too soon

By Nehaa Singh Khamboj December 29, 03:45 pm
A few disappointing sexual encounters and unsatisfied women later, Thomas is very embarrassed about ejaculating prematurely.

'I was twenty when I first had sex with my then-girlfriend, Natalie. It had just been a minute and I came. We both laughed it off, saying that the excitement of doing it for the first time must have been too much. But I came equally soon when we had sex for the second time that night.
However, since both of us were inexperienced, we didn’t realise it was a problem. We were a couple for two years until I decided to break up with her.

'Natalie was predictably upset and we had a heated argument during which she said, "At least I can now find a real man who will satisfy me!” When I asked her what she meant by that she scornfully said, "My girlfriends have a good laugh every time I tell them you’re the true definition of a quickie. You come before we even get started! I stayed with you only because I felt sorry for you. Good luck finding a woman and keeping her!'"

Angry, depressed, and embarrassed

'Despite being aware that a lot of what Natalie said came from a place of anger, I also knew, deep down, she wasn’t far from the truth. The few times we had had sex (we did it like once a month because it was hard to find a place or she was travelling for work frequently), I would come in a matter of seconds after penetration.

'After breaking up with her, I went on a quite a few dates and some of them ended with sex.

Unfortunately, each time I came too soon and once I even came before I could manage to penetrate. None of those women called me ever again!

'I was depressed, angry, and so embarrassed that I just stopped dating. I didn’t want to face rejection and humiliation. I couldn’t stand being made fun of. My social life was me sitting in front of the television every night either drinking or eating myself to sleep. To make matters worse, all of my friends were in relationships or going out on dates.'

A common problem

'Thanks to some internet research I figured out my problem is called premature ejaculation (PE) but I was too much of “man” to go to a doctor. Eventually, better sense prevailed and I went to a doctor to discuss my PE problem. I was so self-conscious and terrified of speaking about something so personal.

'Luckily the doctor sensed I was uncomfortable and put me at ease. Once I started talking I couldn’t stop. To my relief, he said PE was a problem he deals with often and different types of treatment work for different people. We started with counselling and techniques I could use while having sex as well as certain medications I could try if nothing else worked.

'It took me months to get to a point where I felt confident about my skills in the bedroom. However, I wisely worked on other ways to pleasure my sexual partners such as foreplay and oral sex. And now I have a wonderful and most understanding girlfriend and we are enjoying the sex as well as our journey together!'

Have you ever suffered from premature ejaculation? Would you like to share your experiences?  For questions, please head to our discussion board; our moderators are here to help you. 

Did you learn something new?

Tue, 10/21/2014 - 02:11 pm
I dated my girlfriend for five month, we loved each other soo much to the extent of promising marriage to each other. We often go outings and one day I begged her to visit me and she promised to make a suprise for me one day. As time went on, one day I begged her to come and we enjoy sex but what shocked me is that this girl hated me for two weeks and she couldn't pick my calls one day I tried to talk to her so that I can appologise but she couldn't give me a chance. So for that matter I need your advise. What can I do to approach her because I love her so much. Thanks.
Hi Damasen, so you proposed sex to her and she hated you for it? Sorry to hear that. You need to get in touch with her somehow. If she doesn't pick your calls, try other ways, send her an email, or a letter, or talk to a mutual friend and try to reach her that way. All you can do is to try to apologize again, and make her see how much she means to you. Good luck!
Maybe she was not ready to have sex and somehow she felt like you forced her into it. I was once like that but my reason was being that I was sexually abused when I was still young and the sexual encounter brought back painful memories. I do not know what the case is when it comes to your girlfriend but the only way to find out is to talk to her and talking to her might provoke her even more. try sending her an email as suggested and when you are done give her some space to cool down, remember to let her know that whatever it is you will be there for her and you will help her however you can because I personally believe that this is more emotional than it seems and please don't be angry with her. I know that she loves you, just give her some time she will come right.
Tue, 10/21/2014 - 03:15 pm
i also had that problem but with time,it wasnt a problem again.it is all about our mind when we are making love.just try and train ua mind that u will ejaculate afta some minutes but not immediately(for round 1).it actually worked on my side
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