• Making Love
• Sex Problems: how to overcome them

Causing pain for pleasure?

By Getrude Mungai on

For some people, spicing things up might mean having sex in new places, or trying different positions. For others, it might be a form of BDSM. Whatever your sexual cup of tea is, however, there should always be consent and respect.

Sometimes I get beaten up on my vagina, directly on the opening, by either spanking or a small bamboo stick. This gives me terrible pain but my partner won’t stop until I start urinating or releasing liquid, and I’m not able to stop. Do you think this has any health effects? And is it normal?

Any sexual act should be based on love and respect. To those who know what to do and how to do it, pain during a sexual act is not uncommon, nor is it necessarily bad. The biggest point I want to make, however, is that it has to be something agreed upon by both partners. Causing pain to gain pleasure is a form of sexual abuse.

I wish you had indicated if you were doing this willingly. Also, when you say you urinate and release liquid, are you squirting from pleasure? Are you receiving pleasure?

The vagina is a very sensitive area. The kind of beating you are describing sounds like a form of BDSM (Bondage, Dominance, Submission, and Sadomasochism). While BDSM between two consenting adults is not wrong, beating up the vagina is not only painful but also highly dangerous.

Any injury done to the vaginal area can not only cause nerve damage but also tissue and muscle damage. The most immediate and significant problem you might soon face will be urinary incontinence- which is the inability to control your urine because of damage done to the urethra. Your urethra may not be able to stay closed if the muscles in your pelvis (pelvic floor muscles) are weak or damaged, or your urethral sphincter (the ring of muscle that keeps the urethra closed) is damaged.

My first recommendation to you would be to read the article, BDSM: Do’s and Don’ts. This will give you an idea of what’s possibly not happening in your relationship. Once you’ve read the article talk to your partner and explain to him how you’ve been feeling and what you’d like to change. Open communication is the only way you can enjoy a truly pleasurable BDSM experience.

If talking with your partner does not help, it might be time to seriously consider if the pain is worth it.

For more advice from Getrude Mungai click here.

Do you think pain during sex is a good thing? Why or why not? Let us know on the discussion board, Facebook, or leave us a note below.