When should a man orgasm?
I want to know the best style and formulae to make your lady enjoy sex. How long should a man take to finish? How will you know that she is satisfied?
You are looking for the one position that works for all women? Oh, if only I knew that, I would be answering your question from my cliff-front villa overlooking the ocean. And when I deigned to drive, it would be a red BMW X6.
Practice makes perfect
You are looking for a fixed response like ‘man on top’, do this for 10 minutes, and when she screams ‘Oh Jesus!’ three times, you’re done.
Sorry, but women are complex and fascinating creatures. There is no position that ‘fits all’ for orgasm. What would be the fun in that? No, sex was created so that you actually have to talk to your partner and find out what she likes. Some women respond very well to oral sex, others to fingering, yet others to intercourse, and yet others have still never had an orgasm from intercourse alone.
To complicate things further, our bodies respond differently at different times of the month.
Finding those zones
What you can do is find your woman’s clitoris and get well acquainted with it. It is a small button located where the inner lips of her vulva meet. Does it respond to touch or gentle strokes of the tongue?
What are your partner’s erogenous zones? There are the obvious ones like her breasts. But what about hidden ones like the back of her knees, her stomach, inner thighs, or a specific ear that is shockingly sensitive? You will only find these parts by taking your time, not by racing to orgasm.
Try different positions after about 20 minutes of foreplay, and then see what your partner responds to best.
And regarding when a man should finish: How about a man should never ejaculate until his partner has had an orgasm?
Do you have your own golden rule to when a man should have an orgasm? Comment below or join the discussion on Love Matters Naija and Kenya.
Tell us what you think
Recent Comments (67)
Hi thanx for the info…..I
Hi thanx for the info…..I think that first women should speak up and say what they want instead of leaving it up to the men to figure out what makes you tick in bed. Most men know want they want unlike most women who have no clue of the best way of getting the sssooo elusive big O’. First know yourself then show whoever your with what you like or don’t like…
Hi Kevin,
Hi Kevin,
thanks for your comment.
One thing that could help: asking her! Some women are shy when it comes to voicing their needs, and some simply don’t think they have the right to ask. The fact is, it’s easier for men to orgasm than for women. And secondly, because many people are told masturbation is bad and unhealthy, they don’t really know what turns them on. So, next time you find yourself in bed with a woman who doesn’t know what she wants, go on a treasure and make her realize what she wants. She will be very happy with you, trust me :-)!
what are the effects of
what are the effects of masturbatrion?
Hi Thomas,
Hi Thomas,
my favorite question.
Masturbation causes happiness, relaxation and satisfaction. And I am not joking. There is no scientific evidence that masturbation is harmful or has any negative side-effects.
Read more here:
http://lovematters.co.ke/news/masturbation-top-five-facts-part-1
I normaly musturbate and when
I normaly musturbate and when i want to have sex with a woman i just cant satsify her or i get bored easly. is this one of the negative effect?
Hi Nixon, it can be true that
Hi Nixon, it can be true that through masturbation, you get so used to your own ways that sex can be irritating or even boring. It’s up to you to make it more interesting than masturbation. Make sex about being with your partner and indulging in things and moves you can’t do on your own. Try it and let us know how it works!
I do feel pain whn he puts
I do feel pain whn he puts his Dick in me wat s de problem,i want it 2 end since i dnt dink de 2 f us do enjoy it.
Hello Annita,
Hello Annita,
I am sorry to hear that you experiencing pain during sex. Sex is supposed to be a wonderful fun experience and be pleasing, not hurt. For women the pain can come down to two things, being relaxed and lubrication.
Your body needs to receive someone else and stretch to fit them. You need to be in the mood, turned on and relaxed. Sometimes just taking more time kissing and foreplay will do a lot for your body. You need to be excited. Take time caressing each other, touching each other bodies and genitals, maybe even do oral sex on each other. Then you will be more likely to have pain free sex!
We do not always have the time for to work ourselves up and have not self lubricated enough and then using lubrication can help a lot for sex.
Check out:
https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/wetter-better
Hi Annita!
Hi Annita!
I know it hurt a lot not only to you but also to a man who is playing sex with you because sex are suppose to be played without such pain unless you’re vagin if whig you are not. Now let consider the fact that each of you play sex in HURRY coze of pain as a result. But all or every bodies that play sex normally they first romance themselves for a safer penetration; and whenever one want sex between at least romance yourself to avoid being hurt or feeling catode pain after sex.
The question is why is it romancing encourage before sex? This is because to make easy penetration during intercourse and in the process of romancing their is fluids that normally come from the vulv of a ladies and even side of a man this fluid make one enjoy sex without pain at the end. Qtn 2 How do I know that my Lady is ready for sex? At point a man have to put his finger there to find out if their is fluid which show that the woman is now ready for sex but if not one should be patient not to be in hurry.
If i dont use condom in sex i
If i dont use condom in sex i come very quikly,but when i wear it i keeps long. What can i do to have a longer sex without condom.
Hi Maga,
Hi Maga,
a condom reduces the skin-to-skin sensation on the penis, so you will feel less. And easy way to delay ejaculation would be to stop-and-go. So when you feel like you are close to orgasm, stop all movement until the feeling passes. Then slowly start moving again. Repeat this until you are to orgasm.
If i dont use condom in sex i
If i dont use condom in sex i come very quikly,but when i wear it i keeps long. What can i do to have a longer sex without condom.
Hi Maga,
Hi Maga,
you can practice. Try going until you are almost ready to come, and then stop all movement until the urge passes, and then start moving again. Repeat this a few time, until you are really ready to ejaculate. You can also try this during masturbation. We hope this helps!
I still got to know, if I use
I still got to know, if I use different styles will it turn her on completely or will she think am wierd
Hi Cannabissking,
Hi Cannabissking,
why don’t you ask her if she likes it or not? That’s the easiest and best way to find out!
i am good at fore play i.e.
i am good at fore play i.e. every thing apart from the breasts.I have boobfobia..any help?
Hi Ian,
Hi Ian,
well, if you don’t like breasts, I suggest you focus on other areas of the body. Touch her in unusual places, I’m sure you will find some that she likes, like her neck or arms. No need to focus in the breasts if you are a boobophobic!
HI,
HI,
there is this un ending pain i feel when my guy moves in me even when i an not dry,just at the entrance below towards th anus,at tymes i feel it very itchy that am tempted to scratch to ease it even in public.av used UTI medics including injections but my appetite 2 sex ar lost the pain nd the irrittate has never disapeared.what could be hapening to me?a disease?i only have one sexual patner…
Hi Jane,
Hi Jane,
it might be a good idea for you to see a doctor about this. Especially the itchiness could mean that something is wrong, and you should have it checked. Don’t panic though- but it’s better to be safe than sorry! Good luck!
How do i know she s satisfied
How do i know she s satisfied or has orgasmed without asking her?
Ben,
Ben,
sex is about communication as much as it is about sex. So in order to have great sex, you have to talk. And that means asking. Because even if you see that she isn’t having an orgasm, you won’t know why. If you ask, she can tell you.
I cum very first for the
I cum very first for the first round Bl the second I last fo about 30mins….wat can I do to make the first round last long?
Jaymo,
Jaymo,
It sounds like you are coming earlier than you would like, this often happens to young men who don’t have a lot of sexual experience because they get very aroused very easily. With more sexually experienced men, it might be due to psychological problems, like fear, stress or depression.
Generally though go slow, enjoy the buildup of touching and caressing each other. Make time for oral sex during your physical interactions. Take time focusing on your partner as well as yourself. Communicate together about what feels nice, what doesn’t and what you would like to try together. Experiment, explore and try new things!
Make sure to use lots of lube and switch up the fun. Even if you do orgasm you can take some time to have oral sex with your partner until your body is ready to go again. Change positions and mix it up.
Some people say condoms help them last longer, while others may use cock rings (just make sure it is the right size and not too tight!).
Generally just remember that sex is more than just penetration and there are lots of ways to enjoy each other.
If you are finding that you really cannot maintain an erection then it might be time to see a doctor. There are some medical conditions that can affect your performance but would need to be looked by a professional.
You can also keep masturbating, however challenge yourself to last longer. Go slow, feel the way your body changes when you are getting closer to climax. Tease yourself, find tricks that help you delay the finish.
Hi Let share a bit
Hi Let share a bit information the problem z when startng proposing a gal z difficult bt whn go n detail i cn do so HOW WL U START THE GAL FIRST MOMENT?
Hi henry,
Hi Henry,
It Sounds like you have a problem with shyness.
Have you read our article on shyness it might help you it your issue https://lovematters.co.ke/news/painfully-shy .
I have many questions.
I have many questions.
I have never had sex but i love looking at the girl’s anus, this means that i would love to see the anus when having sex and probably kiss it or put my finger inside, ”i dont ever want to do anal sex” but i simply want to fuck the pussy with her anus view, but am worried she may not allow me to put finger in her anus or even kiss it..
Am addicted to it.. I love it.. But this doesnt mean am gay..
Hi Ether,
Hi Ether,
Thanks for writing to us.
wanting to lick or finger your girlfriends anus does not make you gay.
We all have our fantasies and things that turn us on during sex.
So your fantasy does not make you weird or wrong.
You can introduce the idea to your girlfriend and see what she thinks about it. You might be surprised to find out she is ok with it. Talk to her.
Thanks alot.. Will try that..
Thanks alot.. Will try that..
But got plenty more questions.. Will post them sometime..
Thank you
what could be my problem?I
what could be my problem?I enjoy sex but I come early evev with or without condom.I gives me a great concern. some time after going the second round then on the third round my penis goes up and come down during penetration and could not rise again even when my partner do every thing possible to stimulate it but yet it wount respond.
Hi Charles, premature
Hi Charles, premature ejaculation is a concern to a large percentage of men, read this article and find out more https://lovematters.co.ke/news/premature-ejaculation-top-five-facts . When you can hold an erection after sex normally its because you are mentally detached or you just need more time to rest before you have another go at sex.
Just to thank the admin 4 da
Just to thank the admin 4 da site. My quiz is, what causes pre-mature ejaculation and how can it be prevented/stopped?
Thank Alex for taking your
Thank Alex for taking your time to give feedback.
Have you read our article on premature ejaculation?
It will help answer your question https://lovematters.co.ke/news/premature-ejaculation-top-five-facts .
To enjoy sex u have to
To enjoy sex u have to include mind. Just like a driver knows when to engage gear depending either on the hill or slope(nature of the road). wot am tryng to say is that understand your partner as the driver knows his vehicle.
Thanks for your input Ken.
Thanks for your input Ken.
iam a virgin of 20yrs.do u
iam a virgin of 20yrs.do u thnk i can satisfy a sugar mummy of around 40yrs
Hi,my question is a bit funny
Hi,my question is a bit funny….when i orgasm I produce a lot of “juice” which sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable. I use a mackintosh on my bed coz it becomes too wet u might think am urinating.I always make sure my bladder is empty but when he touches the clit or sucks the breasts I squit like I water from the tap…is this normal or am I having a medical problem?
Hi Judy,
Hi Judy,
There is nothing wrong with squirting. In fact a lot of women dream of this. It is just your body experiencing pleasure which is a good thing . Read some more here https://lovematters.co.ke/news/squirting-orgasms-what-comes-out .
U r complaining about that n…
U r complaining about that n other like me ask themselves where they can get such a woman,i do like it
We appreciate your…
We appreciate your contribution Peter.
I murstabate alot while
I murstabate alot while watching porn. Does it have any mental or physical effects?
Masturbating and watching
Masturbating and watching porn does not have any physical or mental effects as long as one is not addicted to any of them. Read some more here https://lovematters.co.ke/news/things-we-dont-think-about-when-we-think-about-porn .
Hae guys am not saying am the
Hae guys am not saying am the Best but I have this tip I have been using to avoid cumming easily , when am in the act I try not to necessarily listen to ‘her’ Mourns and screams, I try to talk to my inner self and control my ‘Member’ and I assure u a have had good results coz I can take a really long time sex until she reaches her ‘Orgasm’ and when she start saying ‘Enough Baby’ I now kiss bring back ma ‘full emotions ‘ so that I also Cum. And after that ,There she goes into a deep sleep. Try it.
Thank you very much for
Thank you very much for sharing your experience with us.
I always have this problem
I always have this problem dat i alwayz release very fast during first round en if i get in fi d secnd race ma cock freezes dwn n secondly i also feel like to urinate even when am yet to stat d race n i dnt thk i av i eva made hr orgasm cz she told dt she dont enjoy sex. why is this so ??
Hi Elvis it seems you have a
Hi Elvis it seems you have a problem with premature ejaculation. You need to use a lot of foreplay as this might get her to orgasm before you even have sex. You also need to talk to her and find out what she enjoys most during sex and what she doe.s not enjoy. This could help in improving the sexual experience. Read more on premature ejaculation here https://lovematters.co.ke/news/premature-ejaculation-top-five-facts
WHAT COULD HAV BEEN THE
WHAT COULD HAV BEEN THE REASON, WHENEVER MY PATNER COME(ORGANIZM) SHE WIL BE COMPLAINING ABDOMINA PAIN?
Hi Ben if the pain is
Hi Ben if the pain is persistent or sever she needs to see a doctor.
I have never had sex in lyf
I have never had sex in lyf at my age of 22 en i have gal lover.but ma problm is that when i touch on her, i start producing sperms.so wat would be my problem?
Ronnie take it easy
Ronnie take it easy ,according to my experience u are ok.its just bcoz u r horny broo,bt if u do it first, second, n third respectively u will b used to it
Thanks for your input.
Thanks for your input.
Hi Ronnie,
Hi Ronnie,
Do you ejaculate when you touch her or you just experience wetness. If its just wetness then that is normal and its called pre-come. Its semen that’s produced when one has an erection. But if its ejaculation you have, than that could be premature ejaculation. You can read more here to get insight on that https://lovematters.co.ke/news/premature-ejaculation-top-five-facts .
hi, am sexually active n so
hi, am sexually active n so is my boyfriend. but there is one issue that bothers mi whenever we have sex. he never at any time cum . but when he engage in sex with a different lady he cums. plus have also tired with a different guy n he did cum. where could be the problem? is it me or him
Hi Shiela,
Hi Shiela,
Have you tried to talk to him about this? Talking about it will help you identify what the issue might be. Are you also in an open relationship with him? Because if not both of you are cheating on each other and that could be part of the problem.
how can i trap my gal to give
how can i trap my gal to give me her body and wc best styles can i use coz am aman of little words.
Hi Edgar,
Hi Edgar,
Women are not supposed to be trapped to offer sex but rather seduced and given genuine love for them to offer sex if they are willing. A woman’s body is not a sex object and therefore should not be treated as such. If you want to have a woman then one should treat her with respect . Once you have a girl that you like and likes you back and she is ready to have sex with you. You can ask her what she prefers during sex since different women like different things.
I need your help!Each time I
I need your help!Each time I try to have sex with my guy,he tells me dat I don’t come. He is the first man i’ve had sex with,I want him to enjoy,I feel I enjoy it but he says I don’t coz I’ve never come.I don’t know how it feels wen someone comes, I don’t know the meaning of coming concerning sex matters, help mi pliz!!!
Hi Patience, coming/cumming
Hi Patience, coming/cumming is the best part during sex.. It is that moment of pleasure when one reaches the climax of enjoying.. In economics its called maximum satisfaction. So if your boyfriend says you dont come, well i think its his problem because he is supposed to make sure that you come.. And maybe you take too long to come and ur boyfriend comes very fast.. Try masturbating as you find out which style or part makes you come on your body, then next time inform him, tell him what to do so that you come.. Coming is pleasure
Thank you Ethern for your
Thank you Ethern for your input.
Patience, sex is sweet with
Patience, sex is sweet with communication pliz communicate with your partner let him know you are fine even if you don’t cum, in case you want to experience it fore play
Thanks for your input Kim.
Thanks for your input Kim.
Hi Patience,
Hi Patience,
Thanks for writing to us. For you to enjoy sex more and reach orgasm you need to understand your body. You can do so by caressing yourself to find out your erogenous zones. You can also try masturbation as this will help you in discovering yourself more and possibly help you know what an orgasm or coming feels like. When you understand your body it will be easy for you to help your partner make you experience maximum pleasure. Also communicate with your partner before and during sex and try different things. Tell him what you enjoy during sex and what you don’t. This will help both of you enjoy sex more. All the best to you.
Thanks Admin for this.
Thanks Admin for this.
My problem is that I dont have a girlfriend but i badly want to have sex and am tired of masturbating alone..
I dont want to hire a girl for sex.. I simply need sex without paying..
Ok, i got many female friends, but how do I get to convice one of my friends to have sex with me??? Please help..
Young man, get romantic and
Young man, get romantic and use the opportunity you have to get a girlfriend, anyway women are not sex material as you want it but women are to be loved not to be used as you put it. You are sex hungry and thus why maybe your girlfriends have found out. So control the urge, relax, be yourself and a man enough and approach one with romance .
Thanks a lot for your input
Thanks a lot for your input Deogracious.
Hi Ethern,
Hi Ethern,
Its normal to have sexual urges. There’s is nothing wrong with that. But its up to us to control ourselves and our desires. You can take your time and approach a girl that you like and take time to know her. Sex is much better when you are more comfortable with your partner. Relax and don’t be in a rush for sex. You should think about getting a girlfriend. You need to patient as this may take a while.
Which style should I use to…
Which style should I use to make my partner satisfied when I am having sex with her?
Hey Peter, there is no one…
Hey Peter, there is no one fit all sex style for women. What you need to do is to talk to your partner about sex and find out what she likes. Some women respond very well to oral sex, others to fingering, yet others to intercourse, and yet others have still never had an orgasm from intercourse alone. Understand your partner’s erogenous zones? There are the obvious ones like her breasts. But what about hidden ones like the back of her knees, her stomach, inner thighs, or a specific ear that is shockingly sensitive? You will only find these parts by taking your time, not by racing to orgasm. Check out this article for more information: https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/orgasms/her-orgasms