man hugging woman from behind

Will having sex keep us together?

‘I am going abroad for a year. I want to have sex with my boyfriend before I leave so that we remain committed to each other. Am I right?’

Well done! You must be a really smart girl to be going out of the country to pursue your career.

The sexplicit purpose

Now I must ask an equally smart question. Actually, I have many questions for you. And once you have the answers, you will hopefully know what to do. Firstly, when we have sex with someone, what do we hope to achieve with that? Do we have an agenda? Why are we having sex? Do we just do it because we dig that person?

We all have a reason, so what exactly is yours? Is he cool, hot, sexy or funny? If he has sex with you, before going, then will he be in a ‘sex-lock’ with you, across seven seas? Can you hear what that sounds like?

Pledges and promises

I hear some people even go as far as taking something called the ‘purity pledge’.  ‘We are not having sex now, with each other and definitely not with anyone else either. If one does, then baby, the relationship is off!’

Basically, what you are saying is no fooling around when we are together, right? It’s a matter of fidelity and adultery, your choice. But where is that rooted? Check that first. A relationship is all based on mutual trust and faith. Having sex is no insurance cover, that’s for sure.

Seal the deal

So what if you do get him to have sex? He will be pretty surprised at your sudden offer or insistence, won’t he? He is a man alright, but he too may have differing opinions about this sudden move. All men don’t always want to have sex you know!

Let’s say he agrees, and the sex is just awful, then what?


Is sex the real glue in your relationship? Is that the lubricant in your love life? I am not sure at all, are you?

Toast to a new coast

You are going to seek a new life for yourself. New country, new work, new life experiences and maybe different sorts of people. What if you get involved with a cute local guy, what then?

Will you say? ‘I have given my body to my Kenyan prince. No one can come near my body, even if I want them to.

Long distance relationships are very hard to keep up. The one thing that will keep you going is the mutual respect you have for each other, and the faith you hold. It will be very tough on him too, at least you are going to a new place. He is still here, with all your memories.

One last question

Both of you can spend these days soaked in love and tenderness, in a lot of intimacy, making dreams and giving and getting support. God knows you both are going to need it. Enjoy these days dear, and come back soon.

Tell me one more thing. What if the roles were reversed? Your boyfriend was pressurising you for sex, to ‘seal the deal’. Would you have been as reasonable about it? Just checking!

Do you agree with the advice shared? Write your thoughts via comments or on Facebook. If you have a question, please visit our discussion forum.

did you find this useful?

Tell us what you think

LoveMatters Africa

Blush-free facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships