happy couple holding red love hearts

7 signs you’re in a situationship not a relationship

Eva and Kim have been together for 2 years. Eva thought Kim was her boyfriend until he asked her why she doesn’t have a boyfriend. Earth is really hard!

People, especially men, dread the question, ‘what are we?.’ Yet my guess is that by the time you are asking that question, you already know what’s up, sis. You are just acting dumb and hoping for a miracle. Good luck!

If you are dating someone but are unsure about who you are to him/her or where the relationship is headed, you could be in a situationship.

If you are constantly confused, worried, have anxiety, and frustrated about what you mean to your partner, this could be a sign that you are in a situationship.

If you are getting red signals that appear purple-ish, you could be in a situationship.

To put it simply, a situationship is when people do the same things as people who are in a relationship but there is no commitment. This means that while you may be committed to the relationship, your partner may not be committed. In some cases, both partners are not committed.

  1. There’s no growth in the relationship

    It’s like waiting for a domesticated cat to grow into a Siberian tiger. It won’t happen.

    If you’re feeling stuck and not growing in your relationship, it could be a big red flag. Growth could mean meeting each other’s friends, celebrating small anniversaries, doing new activities together, etc. If you are not growing, it’s probably time to reality-check your relationship—or simply put situationship.

  2. There’s someone else (or other people) involved

    This applies to people in monogamous relationships.

    If you discover that your significant other is romantically/sexually involved with one or more other people, you may be in a situationship.

    We’re always tempted to think that we are the main in the relationship, but this is no consolation. At all! They should be committed to you and not everyone else.

  3. You make last minute, and short-term plans

    People in relationships plan weeks, months, sometimes years in advance. People in situationships may operate on a more hourly and daily timeline.

    You’re in a situationship when it’s not a given that you’re going to see each other on the weekend or a holiday. You rarely talk about when you will make time for each other. If all you’re getting is last-minute invites, there’s your sign that it could be situationship.

  4. You never talk about the future

    If the conversations are always about here and now, and not the future, take the hint. If you have been dating someone and never talk about the future, it could be another sign.

    Someone who sees themselves with you for the long haul will definitely involve you in their future plans. This could be subtle words like, ‘we’ and ‘us’ when talking about the future or involving you in actual discussions and planning.

  5. No consistency

    One of the ways a lack of consistency is seen in situationships is that you cannot see or talk to the other person regularly. You find yourself meeting less often and when you do, you cannot expect to do that soon. It’s like the weather forecast, you are never really sure if and when it will rain.

  6. Excuses kibao!

    In situationships, there are a lot of vague excuses. They may say, ‘I’m really busy, ‘We had a blackout, ‘It looked like it was going to rain, ‘I already had plans, ‘my neighbor’s cat gave birth, ‘I’m traveling.’

    When you’re in an actual healthy relationship, you make time for your partner, no matter what other life events are going on.

  7. They say and act it

    The easiest and most direct way to know you’re in a relationship is when someone tells you that you are in one. When someone tells you something, believe them.

    Actions speak louder than words, be keen on how they treat you. If they don’t call, return your messages sooner, they may not be that into you. It is very easy to know how people feel about you through their actions.

I am in a situationship, so what?

The decision lies with you. If you are okay with being in a situationship, then go for it. Just ensure that you are not having high expectations and unmet needs as this may affect your happiness. Do not overlook your own needs just because you want to satisfy someone else.

If you want more from the relationship, talk to your partner. Be open and honest about what you like about them and the relationship and ask them what they think about the relationship and what the future holds. If they still come up with excuses or are unclear about their stand, do not expect things to change. Pack and hit the streets!

Related: 9 signs someone’s in love with you

Are you in a relationship or a situationship?

did you find this useful?

Tell us what you think

Recent Comments (52)

  1. I am in a situationsip coz …
    I am in a situationsip coz ,i love her bt she lies to everyone ,she doesn’t wanted me to understand her

    1. Hi Raymond, 

      Have you…

      Hi Raymond, 

      Have you talked to her about how she feels about you or why she lies too much? Plus, what does she lie about?

  2. In situationships it kinda…
    In situationships it kinda difficult to move on, but in the long run it’s worth it. My happiness is as equally important as the other person’s happiness.

    I really appreciate this piece.

    1. Hi Godspower, 

      I really…

      Hi Godspower, 

      I really love how you put it! Your happiness comes first and thus you should always prioritize it. I am glad you enjoyed reading this piece. 

  3. I am in situationship now I…
    I am in situationship now I know

    1. Hi Mtama, 

      Ooops! What are…

      Hi Mtama, 

      Ooops! What are you going to do about it?

  4. I appreciate lovematters
    I appreciate lovematters

    1. Hi Swae, 

      Thank you. We…

      Hi Swae, 

      Thank you. We appreciate you too! Thank you for paying us a visit!

  5. So helpful. Thanks love…
    So helpful. Thanks love matters.

    1. Gald to know it was helpful…

      Gald to know it was helpful Rachael! You’re very welcome!

    1. Hi Dorothy, 

      Ooops! At…

      Hi Dorothy, 

      Ooops! At least know you know. What do you plan to do about it?

  6. Aki wewe mapenzi tu kumbe…
    Aki wewe mapenzi tu kumbe nakuaga in situationship

    1. Hi Derick, 

      Lol… Derick,…

      Hi Derick, 

      Lol… Derick, earth is hard! At least now you know. What are you going to do about it?

    1. Hi Sammy, 

      Glad to know…

      Hi Sammy, 

      Glad to know. Come back again another day!

    1. Hi Cgep, 

      Are you in a…

      Hi Cgep, 

      Are you in a situationship or relationship!

  7. Yes the easy was educative
    Yes the easy was educative

    1. good to know Ann. Are you in…

      good to know Ann. Are you in a relationship or situationship?

  8. I am in a situation ship coz…
    I am in a situation ship coz there always many excuses

    1. Well, yes if someone gives…

      Well, yes if someone gives too many excuses, it could indicate that you’re in a situationship. So are you staying in the situationship?

  9. I was in a situationship but…
    I was in a situationship but the moment i realized i started keeping distance.she never called,she could take time before she replyes my txt and she is online.although we always met.when i moved to another place she said that she would never come over to my place.and gave excuses whenever i asked her if we can date…or rather what are we.she always said that she doesn’t wanna loose me.so we should not date.i should give her time.

    1. Hi Sammy, 

      I am happy that…

      Hi Sammy, 

      I am happy that you decided to keep your distance. It is likely was clearly wasting your time and did not want to commit. She was probably looking at you as a plan B. Someone who is committed to you will not make excuses as to why they cannot come to see you. They will be excited to see you and will even reply to your texts and call you. 

  10. I am in a situationship and…
    I am in a situationship and that hurts me…he always go to his friends place everyweekend …no calling nor texting….

    1. Hi Jane, 

      You deserve love…

      Hi Jane, 

      You deserve love and affection. If this man loved you, he would make time to spend with you. He would call you to find out how you are doing. Do not be afraid to walk away, you deserve better. 

  11. In a situationship every…
    In a situationship every time we differ past events are referred
    We are not growing

    1. Hi Phil, 

      Maybe for your…

      Hi Phil, 

      Maybe for your case, you need to come up with a better conflict resolution mechanism. I also feel you when you say that you don’t feel like you’re growing. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner and do not be afraid to tell her that it bothers you when she brings up the past during arguments. 

      If you feel that the relationship is not headed anywhere even after having the talk, do not be afraid to walk away. Breakup since this will save time and heartache. 

    1. Great! so, are you in a…

      Great! so, are you in a relationship or a situationship? 

    1. Well, Kabaka! Glad you know…

      Well, Kabaka! Glad you know and you’re honest with yourself. What are you going to be about this?

  12. Mine is more than a…
    Mine is more than a situationship, I think I need a deep counseling. She does funny things even cheats but after I’m gone she comes back so humble that I find myself feeling for her again. It’s worse

    1. Hi Issac, 

      That’s not good…

      Hi Issac, 

      That’s not good at all. First, I am happy that you acknowledge that things are not okay. That is a great first step. Call 1190 to talk to a trained counselor. 

  13. The “excuses kibao” part…
    The “excuses kibao” part defines it all and not talking often so sad ? men aki !!

    1. Lol..Shazy! What excuses…

      Lol..Shazy! What excuses have you ever been given?

  14. Am in a situationship he…
    Am in a situationship he doesn’t call nor reply to texts as soon as possible he gives excuses

    1. Hi Rodah, 

      Ah, well this…

      Hi Rodah, 

      Ah, well this may not automatically indicate that you are in a situationship. Could you provide more details, how long does he take to reply to texts? What excuses does he give? There are genuine reasons as to why someone may not be able to reply to texts immediately, these can include being busy at work. If he only takes a few hours to respond go easy on him as long as the reason is genuine. Plus, it’s always great for couples to understand the best time to call each other especially if one or both of them are committed at work or in a situation where they do not have their phones all the time. 

  15. I’m totally in situationship…
    I’m totally in situationship coz I came to learn a month ago he’s cheating on me though we talked about it but I still feel that I don’t deserve him.

    1. Well, Immah that means he’s…

      Well, Immah that means he’s not committed to your relationship fully. If you no longer feel that he deserves you, do not be afraid to walk away from that relationship. You deserve love and happiness and if you are not getting it from him, you can get it from elsewhere. 

      Also, talking about it is not enough, if he promised to change, watch his actions. 

  16. In a situationship because I…
    In a situationship because I love him but what he posts in his WhatsApp is suggestive plus he told me we live separately.

    1. Well Lydia, one of the ways…

      Well Lydia, one of the ways that you can know if you are in a situationship is if the other person tells you so. If they tell you, believe them always!

  17. He doesn’t pick call ,says…
    He doesn’t pick call ,says he’s busy all the time .He accuses me of being silent

    1. Ooops, sounds like he’s not…

      Ooops, sounds like he’s not committed to that relationship/friendship. When you are important to someone, they prioritize you, they will make time to call or send a message. This is one of the signs that you are in a situationship. Does he make time to meet you?

  18. Wow.I now understand most…
    Wow.I now understand most sons and daughters of Nebucadenezzar are in situationship not relationship .Am realy convincef especially these sons of Adam????

    1. Hi Jimmy, 

      Well, yes. It’s…

      Hi Jimmy, 

      Well, yes. It’s life! Are you in a situationship? 

  19. I have dated him for 8 years…
    I have dated him for 8 years now but from 2020 I jave been going through alot, I mean Alot I just need a person to share with ????????????

    1. Hi Pp, 

      So sorry for what…

      Hi Pp, 

      So sorry for what you are going through. If you’d like to talk to someone on phone, you can call 1190 for free. If you’d prefer to talk via the inbox, you can visit go to our Facebook (Love Matters Kenya Facebook) and if you’re comfortable, we can talk here. Looking forward to hearing from you. 

    1. Yes, it can Joseph. If the people in the relationship have agreed to abstain from sex, it can work.

LoveMatters Africa

Blush-free facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships