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How to date

If you're in love with someone, the next logical step is to find out if they feel the same about you. Often you can guess if someone's interested. If you're not sure, be brave!

Try to get into a situation where you’ve got a chance to talk to the person. If you have mutual friends, let them introduce you. You could also send them a text message or try to make contact on chat – but if they don’t answer, don’t pester them. If you notice they’re not really responding or they’re even trying to avoid you, there’s a good chance they don’t return your feelings.

Bear in mind, however, that there’s an extra tricky puzzle in the love game: some people can be standoffish even if they’re really attracted to you, because they don’t know how to cope with their feelings! Or maybe they feel they shouldn’t be responding to your advances even if they’d like to. So don’t immediately assume someone isn’t interested in you because they don’t respond straight away.

Some guys have the idea – often picked up from movies – that if you keep hassling a woman long enough she will give in to you. People might tell you that if a girl says no or even gets upset or angry, you should ignore it and not give up.

This is a fantasy – if someone reacts like this to your advances, you’re just being abusive.

If you get a clear no, be respectful. Move on and leave the person alone.

Asking someone out

If the person you're interested in responds positively to your cues, you might want to ask them out on a date. You don't have to be a man to ask someone out – women can do it too, so don't be shy!

Before planning a date, find out what they like doing – maybe watching movies or sports games, going to museums, walking, or dancing. It's a good idea to meet in a quiet place near where you live, somewhere you can relax and talk easily.

Remember, dates don't have to be fancy or expensive. They can be simple, like meeting at a kibanda and then taking a walk in the park.

First date

First dates are often a bit tense. Maybe you're very nervous, or feel like you've got butterflies in your stomach. There could be awkward moments on your first date - when you think you've said something silly or when you just don't know what else to say. Don't worry too much: the key is to stay calm.

For more tips, read our first date do’s and don’ts.

Once you've realised that you both like spending time together, you can start thinking about another date. It doesn't always have to be your responsibility to decide what to do - you can put the ball in their court too. Over the next few meetings, try finding out more about them, about their likes and dislikes, their past, and their dreams for the future.

Are you even more in love, or starting to worry that it won't work out after all? Does a relationship seem realistic?

When to hold hands, kiss, and have sex

While you're dating, you might want to hold hands, kiss, hug, or even have sex with your partner. There's nothing wrong if you feel that way. If you're not entirely sure what your partner wants, talking about it can help. You can be straightforward and ask, 'can I kiss you?' or 'how would you feel if I held your hand?'

Having sex with your lover is a big decision. Take one step at a time. You might want to talk to your partner about it before you make a move. The most important thing is to know if they feel the same way and really want to go ahead with sex. Read more here about having sex for the first time. If your partner doesn't want to have sex with you, respect their feelings. Their choice could be based on religious belief, or it could be for cultural reasons. Maybe they want to wait till they're married, or maybe they simply don't feel ready for sex.

Give them all the time and space they need to think about it and make up their mind. And then accept their decision, whatever it is.

Comments
Hey Sara, Perhaps you need to share with him your expectations of the relationship and the expectations you have toward him as your partner. You can the both agree on how to proceed.

Hey Kim, Love is not demonstrated by sex. Partners can be in love and agree not have to have sex for a period of time for various reasons. If she is not ready to have sex at this time, you will have to respect her choice. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/love-without-sex

I met this girl who I now like very much. We are friends and meet often at events. I have been planning to tell her how I feel but I think she will reject me if I ask her to be my girlfriend. How should I approach her to win her over? I really want her in my life, help a brother.

Hi Ssembewa, If you're in love with this person, the next thing to do is to find out if she feels the same to ward you. Most of the time you can guess if she is interested in your, especially when you are friends like it is in your case. You may never get to know for sure how she feels towards you unless you ask. You have to be brave, find a good time and ask her how she feels toward you as you also tell her how you feel toward her. She maybe interested in you or not, so think carefully about what either outcome will me for your current relationship with her, this way as you make the nest step you are clear about the possible outcomes. We do wish you all the best.

Hi Ronnie, it is good that you both love each other. Spending time with each other is an important part of any relationship and while you do this communication is key since this is one way of getting to know each other. One way to keep the conversation going is to start with topics that you both comfortable talking about and interested in since you will both have something to contribute. Also, it is important that you communicate which means you actively listen, show interest in what your partner is saying and not just want for your turn to talk or obsess over what to ask or talk about next. 

Hey Victor, unfortunately we are not a dating service and for this reason we are not able to help you meet someone. We encourage you though to keep trying, not every relationship you get into will last forever, because one has failed, does not mean the next one will fail. Get into situations where you will meet lots of new people and once you see someone you like approach them. We wish you well. We wish you well. 

Hey, you really can't make her accept to be your girlfriend, but you can tell her how you feel and then see if she feels the same or if she would be interested in a relationship with you. There is no way to tell how she will respond to your request, the only way is to ask her. If she is not interested, you will have to respect her choice. We wish you all the best.

Hey Roy, first if you like someone the right thing to do is to approach them and tell them how it is you feel. It is important to be confident and honest with them. It is however important to also realize they still hold the power to accept your proposal or not. If they choose to not accept your proposal all you can do is to respect that choice. Lastly, that the last girl was not interested in your proposal, doesn’t mean the next one will also not be interested. Move on and try again. We wish you all the best. 

Hi Teddy, if you are uncertain about how she feels about you, be brave tell how you feel and also get to know how she feels about you. Remember she may never get to know how you feel until you tell. So, go on be brave and let her know. This way you get to know how to proceed.

John Mwanzia
Tue, 12/04/2018 - 19:58
I have been in a rltshp with a gal for sometime then she left me for another guy later they parted. Recently she came to greet me where I live and to best of my thoughts she still loves me. Should I accept her back as a marriage partner advice me on this

Hello John, did you ask her if this is what she wants? It is important you think about whether you want to get back together her and then ask whether she is interested in getting back with you. It is however important you talk about why she left in the first place and then address the issues that made her leave to try and try to reduce the chances of this happening again should you get back together. Lastly, that she came to visit you doesn’t mean that she wa to you back. Talk to her, get to know if this is what she wants. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/how-can-i-get-back-my-ex

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