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(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

How to date

If you're in love with someone, the next logical step is to find out if they feel the same about you. Often you can guess if someone's interested. If you're not sure, be brave!

Try to get into a situation where you’ve got a chance to talk to the person. If you have mutual friends, let them introduce you. You could also send them a text message or try to make contact on chat – but if they don’t answer, don’t pester them. If you notice they’re not really responding or they’re even trying to avoid you, there’s a good chance they don’t return your feelings.

Bear in mind, however, that there’s an extra tricky puzzle in the love game: some people can be standoffish even if they’re really attracted to you, because they don’t know how to cope with their feelings! Or maybe they feel they shouldn’t be responding to your advances even if they’d like to. So don’t immediately assume someone isn’t interested in you because they don’t respond straight away.

Some guys have the idea – often picked up from movies – that if you keep hassling a woman long enough she will give in to you. People might tell you that if a girl says no or even gets upset or angry, you should ignore it and not give up.

This is a fantasy – if someone reacts like this to your advances, you’re just being abusive.

If you get a clear no, be respectful. Move on and leave the person alone.

Asking someone out

If the person you're interested in responds positively to your cues, you might want to ask them out on a date. You don't have to be a man to ask someone out – women can do it too, so don't be shy!

Before planning a date, find out what they like doing – maybe watching movies or sports games, going to museums, walking, or dancing. It's a good idea to meet in a quiet place near where you live, somewhere you can relax and talk easily.

Remember, dates don't have to be fancy or expensive. They can be simple, like meeting at a kibanda and then taking a walk in the park.

First date

First dates are often a bit tense. Maybe you're very nervous, or feel like you've got butterflies in your stomach. There could be awkward moments on your first date - when you think you've said something silly or when you just don't know what else to say. Don't worry too much: the key is to stay calm.

For more tips, read our first date do’s and don’ts.

Once you've realised that you both like spending time together, you can start thinking about another date. It doesn't always have to be your responsibility to decide what to do - you can put the ball in their court too. Over the next few meetings, try finding out more about them, about their likes and dislikes, their past, and their dreams for the future.

Are you even more in love, or starting to worry that it won't work out after all? Does a relationship seem realistic?

When to hold hands, kiss, and have sex

While you're dating, you might want to hold hands, kiss, hug, or even have sex with your partner. There's nothing wrong if you feel that way. If you're not entirely sure what your partner wants, talking about it can help. You can be straightforward and ask, 'can I kiss you?' or 'how would you feel if I held your hand?'

Having sex with your lover is a big decision. Take one step at a time. You might want to talk to your partner about it before you make a move. The most important thing is to know if they feel the same way and really want to go ahead with sex. Read more here about having sex for the first time. If your partner doesn't want to have sex with you, respect their feelings. Their choice could be based on religious belief, or it could be for cultural reasons. Maybe they want to wait till they're married, or maybe they simply don't feel ready for sex.

Give them all the time and space they need to think about it and make up their mind. And then accept their decision, whatever it is.

Did you learn something new?

Zlatan Ibraq
Mon, 01/16/2017 - 10:02 pm
I hav agf whm i meet on fb.its nw one year in love. bt my frndz am vry scared coz whenevr we gt mis undrstndngz,in stead ov gtng annyd lyk othr pple,4 ha she jst telz mi dat Ibra i hv left ela i dnt hv dat tym 2 love.en then afta,we sort our selvz. bt 4 mi i love ha vry mch. so ma frndz,does she realy lovez mi wiz such areaction
I have a bf but he told me that he chucked me for good, he told that he got another gf with good behaviors but I love him so much his on ma heart. Whenever I kol him he just tel I stop that he caught me three times ,I have bagged for exsue but has refused ,he posts only the comments which hrts me.wat can I do coz love him??
Hi Shafa, Sorry about the break up. The truth is if you continue pursuing this it will cause nothing but more pain. Sometimes the best option is to let go no matter how much e love and want something. Read more here on how you can do it .
I've two guys am so confuse the one that Loves me more I don't know what to do. And it makes me feel so bad each time am with one of them thinking am cheating on the other guy. I don't know what to do.
Hi Vera, The fact that you feel guilty is because you are cheating on them. You need to take time and decide what it is that you want and make a decision. You have the power to change how things are all you need to do is make a choice. All the best to you.
Mon, 01/23/2017 - 10:53 am
Hi love, I and ma bf were chattin and he said I shud send him ma naked pix but I refused and e make it clear to me dat day. Dat he wil neva talk to me on sex or av sex with me, I tried to make him understand d reasons for ma ans bt all effort prove abbortive and e said e want a relationship without sex but he would had sex outside and if e ever ask me of sex, God shud take him, so I was angry and sad at d same time, so I break up with him dat day and I told him dat it s beta to break up with him rada dan God shud take him cos of nude pix, bt seriously I luv him nt I've been able to avoid me and recently he called me, I tried avoidin his calls bt later pick it up and always asking me y I dnt call? Bt I want to avoid him to get over d feelibgs for him, wat shud I do?, av I made a mistake of breaking up with him? Really confused
Project Nigga
Tue, 01/24/2017 - 04:32 pm
I'v a girl that works close to me, she loves my presence if I went to somwhere she often my shop and ask my where abt I never had it in mind to date her cuz am skulin but the affection is 2 mch so I decide to advance.. So as she notice I'm falling she started showin less care she no longer com look in for me any more often so I started gettin angry now she's pikin offence of any thing I say (insultive) pls help
Hi it normal for girls to send mixed signals like that when they have an interest to a particular thing. You do not need to be angry at her, instead do nice things for her and try to win her heart like a gentleman. Hopefully if she's genuine interested you two will be in a relationship. All the best to you.
hey,love is like electricity,comes on and went off,she cometh to realise that the money you were cathering for her now much has started going to your school fee so that is why she has started showing you such kind of behavier,drop her that one is extravagant on your material.
Tue, 01/24/2017 - 10:07 pm
hey gf every time we get a misunderstanding she only say that we break up bt after few hours she start to call ,text and bip mi frequently and when pick or call she only say that i wanted only to greet you.forsure i love her.wt should i do.
hey,sometime love does not have boundaries,the way you treats her sesms to be good upon her so even you've misunderstanding,she recalls back your goodness and tries let you back to your normal senses....continuo with her plz.
advise me plz I 've ma bf we 've spnt 2 yrs n luv at 1st he asked 4 sex en I jxt chucked him he apologised en he tld me he wl nvr ask 4 t bt nwdayz weneva he cals me he tels me 2 Leav home en go 2 marry him bt am stl skulin en am nt intrstd n marriage bt am afraid at da same tym he might chuck me
Hi Every relationship has its ups-and-downs, especially when you spend a lot of time with each other. Certain things will make you angry or upset which, in turn, can lead to an argument. It’s just a normal part of any relationship. you should be comfortable to Being able to say no to sex if you do not want it. You should not be apologetic about it. If your partner loves you enough they will be patient. If not they will leave and you will be lucky enough to to have fallen to their trap. Read more here .
hi, i hav a gf i love lots, bt i trust ha less she is so cute n atractive to evry one and they always vibe her she tries showin me som chats with guys vybing ha bt stil am nt contented. she shows she loves me bt i stil hav doubt., coz we share passwards for fb bt all she was doin is teling evry guy who vybs ha that i lov u and givs in ha nomba easly. asks for pics of d guys vybing ha so i toked abt it now she abandoned fb. she z now using whatsapp only. i stil wory she has som otha guys. o she hav fun wth otha guys in a way of lov.o sex chat. ts all i think. bt stil i love ha, bt am woried she myt disapoint me one day. coz she z proud since she hav alot of guys asking for confused.
Sorry that you are going through this Nics. If you know your partner well and have had a close, long-term relationship, you can often tell when something’s not right. You might notice that they’ve begun spending a lot more time at work, they have less time for you and your family, start taking calls in private, and seem less committed to doing things with you. Maybe they're paying attention to their looks, and they appear confused and detached. When you ask them if anything's wrong, they shrug off your question. Finding out that your partner’s been cheating on you can be a traumatic experience. It can seriously damange the trust between the two of you and could even lead to a break-up, separation or divorce. You might spend days, weeks or months wondering what you did wrong and why this happened. But don't blame yourself - take some time to calm down and think about your relationship. Whether you want to stay with your partner depends on a number of things. Is your partner willing to go on? If they are, what will it take for them to regain your trust? Will your trust in them ever be restored? How can you start rebuilding your relationship? The answers may not be simple, but give these questions some thought and it might help you decide on the right path to take.
Hae pliz I need help ....... I hv a lady whm was my best frnd She's skullng we talk. We fck.we do craizy staff she tells me she loves me bt she wants as to be jst frnds ....lyk she doesn't want a serious relationshp she once told me am. Too good to be hurtd and she has that thng of love fade. I love her and am craizy. Pliz help........
Hi Jimmy, It sounds like she has made herself clear about what she wants. If you want to be in a relationship where someone feels the same as you, you need to start thinking about being with someone else. Take time and think about it.
Tue, 02/07/2017 - 08:08 pm
Hi love,last nght my gf came vore for a slp over for the first time we engaged in kissing for some time n then fell into bed,the thing is we are both vrgns and had decided not to engage in sex till marriage whch is very soon,i qas able to control myself but she had gotten in to the feeling and was very week to an extent of giving in,i rem her and she pushed me away n started crying,am soo confussx since i feel as if she thnks i was inviting her over to have sex ,she says tht we ahld forget jt and move on ,no sleep overs no kissing,to me i feel that things have changed frm the we looked at each other n trusted each other keeping this boundaries makes me feel as if she will never trust my ideas n decisions ,wat do i do to win her trust n forget about that experience coz i cant get over it????
Hi, It sounds as though you need to have a talk about it and express how you feel about the situation. Its normal to make mistakes in relationship but talking about it always helps. All the best to you.
Sun, 03/12/2017 - 09:23 pm
Hello, I need help it seems I attract only married en old men but I dnt like them I need a single guy to settle with of recent I went to hospital en I was found with developing fibroids was told to convince but I hv no guy I love.what do I do
Hi Marion, Sorry about the medical condition. Hopefully the doctors can be able to treat you so that you are healthy again. Getting to meet someone is the first step. Dating takes time and you need to get to know your partner well enough before you start thinking of having a child with them. It would be a good idea to try and sort out your medical issue first as you try to find a partner. Here are some tips o meeting new people .
Hey Samantha, What makes you feel you are in a wrong relationship? If you feel you are in a wrong relationship then you have a decision to make. Take sometime and think about it and then make an informed choice.
Hi Youzardep, Anybody can get into a relationship even if they are very fluent as long as they can communicate and express their wishes and desires. What is key s communication and not necessary how fluent one is. We wish you well.
Hello Hen, Have you found out from your partner why she is not ready to have sex with you? You seem to be in different places in your relationship, you feel ready to go to the next level while she doesn't. The decision to have sex is an important decision one that one needs to carefully consider including thinking about whether it is the right time, whether they are with the right person, how they plan to protect against unplanned pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Infections among others. Talk to your partner to get to know what her reasons are so you can both find a solution. Whatever her reasons are you will have to respect her choice.
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