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(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

How to date

If you're in love with someone, the next logical step is to find out if they feel the same about you. Often you can guess if someone's interested. If you're not sure, be brave!

Try to get into a situation where you’ve got a chance to talk to the person. If you have mutual friends, let them introduce you. You could also send them a text message or try to make contact on chat – but if they don’t answer, don’t pester them. If you notice they’re not really responding or they’re even trying to avoid you, there’s a good chance they don’t return your feelings.

Bear in mind, however, that there’s an extra tricky puzzle in the love game: some people can be standoffish even if they’re really attracted to you, because they don’t know how to cope with their feelings! Or maybe they feel they shouldn’t be responding to your advances even if they’d like to. So don’t immediately assume someone isn’t interested in you because they don’t respond straight away.

Some guys have the idea – often picked up from movies – that if you keep hassling a woman long enough she will give in to you. People might tell you that if a girl says no or even gets upset or angry, you should ignore it and not give up.

This is a fantasy – if someone reacts like this to your advances, you’re just being abusive.

If you get a clear no, be respectful. Move on and leave the person alone.

Asking someone out

If the person you're interested in responds positively to your cues, you might want to ask them out on a date. You don't have to be a man to ask someone out – women can do it too, so don't be shy!

Before planning a date, find out what they like doing – maybe watching movies or sports games, going to museums, walking, or dancing. It's a good idea to meet in a quiet place near where you live, somewhere you can relax and talk easily.

Remember, dates don't have to be fancy or expensive. They can be simple, like meeting at a kibanda and then taking a walk in the park.

First date

First dates are often a bit tense. Maybe you're very nervous, or feel like you've got butterflies in your stomach. There could be awkward moments on your first date - when you think you've said something silly or when you just don't know what else to say. Don't worry too much: the key is to stay calm.

For more tips, read our first date do’s and don’ts.

Once you've realised that you both like spending time together, you can start thinking about another date. It doesn't always have to be your responsibility to decide what to do - you can put the ball in their court too. Over the next few meetings, try finding out more about them, about their likes and dislikes, their past, and their dreams for the future.

Are you even more in love, or starting to worry that it won't work out after all? Does a relationship seem realistic?

When to hold hands, kiss, and have sex

While you're dating, you might want to hold hands, kiss, hug, or even have sex with your partner. There's nothing wrong if you feel that way. If you're not entirely sure what your partner wants, talking about it can help. You can be straightforward and ask, 'can I kiss you?' or 'how would you feel if I held your hand?'

Having sex with your lover is a big decision. Take one step at a time. You might want to talk to your partner about it before you make a move. The most important thing is to know if they feel the same way and really want to go ahead with sex. Read more here about having sex for the first time. If your partner doesn't want to have sex with you, respect their feelings. Their choice could be based on religious belief, or it could be for cultural reasons. Maybe they want to wait till they're married, or maybe they simply don't feel ready for sex.

Give them all the time and space they need to think about it and make up their mind. And then accept their decision, whatever it is.

Comments
advise me plz I 've ma bf we 've spnt 2 yrs n luv at 1st he asked 4 sex en I jxt chucked him he apologised en he tld me he wl nvr ask 4 t bt nwdayz weneva he cals me he tels me 2 Leav home en go 2 marry him bt am stl skulin en am nt intrstd n marriage bt am afraid at da same tym he might chuck me
Hi Every relationship has its ups-and-downs, especially when you spend a lot of time with each other. Certain things will make you angry or upset which, in turn, can lead to an argument. It’s just a normal part of any relationship. you should be comfortable to Being able to say no to sex if you do not want it. You should not be apologetic about it. If your partner loves you enough they will be patient. If not they will leave and you will be lucky enough to to have fallen to their trap. Read more here https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/talking-your-partner .
hi, i hav a gf i love lots, bt i trust ha less she is so cute n atractive to evry one and they always vibe her she tries showin me som chats with guys vybing ha bt stil am nt contented. she shows she loves me bt i stil hav doubt., coz we share passwards for fb bt all she was doin is teling evry guy who vybs ha that i lov u and givs in ha nomba easly. asks for pics of d guys vybing ha so i toked abt it now she abandoned fb. she z now using whatsapp only. i stil wory she has som otha guys. o she hav fun wth otha guys in a way of lov.o sex chat. ts all i think. bt stil i love ha, bt am woried she myt disapoint me one day. coz she z proud since she hav alot of guys asking for her..am confused.
Sorry that you are going through this Nics. If you know your partner well and have had a close, long-term relationship, you can often tell when something’s not right. You might notice that they’ve begun spending a lot more time at work, they have less time for you and your family, start taking calls in private, and seem less committed to doing things with you. Maybe they're paying attention to their looks, and they appear confused and detached. When you ask them if anything's wrong, they shrug off your question. Finding out that your partner’s been cheating on you can be a traumatic experience. It can seriously damange the trust between the two of you and could even lead to a break-up, separation or divorce. You might spend days, weeks or months wondering what you did wrong and why this happened. But don't blame yourself - take some time to calm down and think about your relationship. Whether you want to stay with your partner depends on a number of things. Is your partner willing to go on? If they are, what will it take for them to regain your trust? Will your trust in them ever be restored? How can you start rebuilding your relationship? The answers may not be simple, but give these questions some thought and it might help you decide on the right path to take.
Hae pliz I need help ....... I hv a lady whm was my best frnd She's skullng we talk. We fck.we do craizy staff she tells me she loves me bt she wants as to be jst frnds ....lyk she doesn't want a serious relationshp she once told me am. Too good to be hurtd and she has that thng of love fade. I love her and am craizy. Pliz help........
Hi Jimmy, It sounds like she has made herself clear about what she wants. If you want to be in a relationship where someone feels the same as you, you need to start thinking about being with someone else. Take time and think about it.
Hi love,last nght my gf came vore for a slp over for the first time we engaged in kissing for some time n then fell into bed,the thing is we are both vrgns and had decided not to engage in sex till marriage whch is very soon,i qas able to control myself but she had gotten in to the feeling and was very week to an extent of giving in,i rem her and she pushed me away n started crying,am soo confussx since i feel as if she thnks i was inviting her over to have sex ,she says tht we ahld forget jt and move on ,no sleep overs no kissing,to me i feel that things have changed frm the we looked at each other n trusted each other keeping this boundaries makes me feel as if she will never trust my ideas n decisions ,wat do i do to win her trust n forget about that experience coz i cant get over it????
Hi, It sounds as though you need to have a talk about it and express how you feel about the situation. Its normal to make mistakes in relationship but talking about it always helps. All the best to you.
Hello, I need help it seems I attract only married en old men but I dnt like them I need a single guy to settle with of recent I went to hospital en I was found with developing fibroids was told to convince but I hv no guy I love.what do I do
Hi Marion, Sorry about the medical condition. Hopefully the doctors can be able to treat you so that you are healthy again. Getting to meet someone is the first step. Dating takes time and you need to get to know your partner well enough before you start thinking of having a child with them. It would be a good idea to try and sort out your medical issue first as you try to find a partner. Here are some tips o meeting new people https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/how-approach-and-talk-new-people .
Hey Samantha, What makes you feel you are in a wrong relationship? If you feel you are in a wrong relationship then you have a decision to make. Take sometime and think about it and then make an informed choice.
Hi Youzardep, Anybody can get into a relationship even if they are very fluent as long as they can communicate and express their wishes and desires. What is key s communication and not necessary how fluent one is. We wish you well.
Hello Hen, Have you found out from your partner why she is not ready to have sex with you? You seem to be in different places in your relationship, you feel ready to go to the next level while she doesn't. The decision to have sex is an important decision one that one needs to carefully consider including thinking about whether it is the right time, whether they are with the right person, how they plan to protect against unplanned pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Infections among others. Talk to your partner to get to know what her reasons are so you can both find a solution. Whatever her reasons are you will have to respect her choice.
Hello Mwebaze, This is fairly normal especially if you are in the early stages of the relationship. Try get get her comfortable to share her feelings, for instance instead of a face to conversation you could try texting which might be easier.
Thanks so much..but it hurts when it comes out that your partner played with ur feelings..as in what he felt for u was just lust n never love whereas u had very strong feeling for him..give me some advice coz thats what really happened to me.
Hi Ann, breakups are tough. It is even tougher when you realize the person you thought loved you didn't. Unfortunately all relationships will not last forever, even when you do your best sometimes a relationship may not work. This was not your fault and though this hurts now, life does go on. It takes time to get over a break up but eventually you will. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up
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