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She doesn’t want to come to my church

My girlfriend is in a different church. She has refused to join me at my church and I’m not ready to go to her church. What can I do?

Hello my brother, having similar beliefs is very important in any relationships; as are many other things. The relationship is easier when the couple is on the same page spiritually. That’s one of the many potential conflict zones taken care of.

Many relationships have broken due to this issue; others have lost the love of their life due to differences in religion.

However, I personally think that having compatible beliefs and worrying about where to worship is more applicable in marriage and not dating.

Dating vs marriage

What I am saying is: it’s not fair to force your girlfriend to go to your church before you put the ring on her finger.
I hope you are not one of those controlling men who must have a say in all situations. At this stage (of dating), it shouldn’t really matter where she is going to church.

Remember, she too belongs to a family with traditions. And going to church as a family is probably important.

So essentially you are asking her to choose between you and her family – which is not fair.

She probably has the same reasons why she won’t come to your church as you have for not going to hers.
And please note, in most Christian traditions, the man marries the woman in her church; then they move to his church and, even then, a good man would consider what is best for both.

My own story

When I got married almost 19 years ago, my husband had this fantasy of a wedding in his church, married by his priest among his family and friends. So when he was told of the tradition where the marriage ceremony takes place in the girl’s church, he resisted until his own mother and priest affirmed the same. And we were married in my church, then started going to his church.

But I never quite fitted in: part of the service was in a foreign language and the rituals were very different from what I was used to. When we were blessed with our first child, we decided to look for a church with a good Sunday school program. We then settle for a neutral church that was acceptable to both of us; a decision we are both very proud of.

Resolving the issue

To me, it seems like this girl is the ‘one’, so much so that you even want her in your church desperately. If that is the case, then I think she will start taking you more seriously if you pop the question. Given that you are both Christians, the issue of which church you both should attend should be addressed during pre-marital counselling.

You are lucky you are both Christians. Imagine she believed in a different religion or was an atheist. Then you would have had a bigger problem.

If you are not ready to settle down yet, then I would suggest you take it slowly for now.
I wish you well and hope you will both resolve this issue.

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Recent Comments (8)

  1. How we I no that he’s a…
    How we I no that he’s a christian

  2. I am interested with this…
    I am interested with this matter but is not easy I date with my boyfriend for 4 years but he give me one condition to change my religion if I want him to marry me is not easy even both we are christian coz everyone has his own opinion and choice so for me I decide to not be a Jehovah witness and he left me now even greeting each other is a problem how this matter can be solved also my family refused to marry him

    1. Hello Rebecca, thank you for…

      Hello Rebecca, thank you for reaching out to us. Religion is a sensetive matter and if you are unable to come to a consensus it could have an effect on your relationship. It is best to have the religion conversation early in the relationship so that you are both aware of what the issues may be and try and find a compromise. You could try and have that conversation now. However, if you are both deeply rooted in your churches then you could have issues finding middle ground. The fact that you are both Christian is a great starting pint and you could build from there.

  3. Fir me am married and she…
    Fir me am married and she aint ready to change to my church.. We always argue about it and am already loosing and giving up da marriage

    1. Religion is a topic that…

      Religion is a topic that should be addressed at the very beginning of any relationship.  If your family is deeply rooted in a different religion, it could affect your relationship with your partner. Seeing as you both are already married, an open and honest conversation with your partner might help you discover where exactly you both stand when it comes to religion.This will help you make the choice on whether you are able to accept your partner’s religion without asking them to convert, or if it is something you are not willing to compromise on. For more information, check out the link to this article that we hope will help!

  4. Hello, this is very helpful…
    Hello, this is very helpful. I am in similar situation and do not know what to do.
    I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 6 months. She is a 7th day Adventist worshiping on Saturday and I’m Pentecostal who worships on Sunday.
    We had many discussions about both churches and the importance of following together as a family when married. She is however unwilling to leave her church to join me when we’re married because she believes it’s a sin not to worship the sabbath. I do not agree with her and have made references in the bible.
    She still stands firm on ‘her faith’ and will ‘never join my church even when we’re married’.
    I love this girl very much and do not know what to do at this point.

    1. Hi Mark, 

      That’s such a…

      Hi Mark, 

      That’s such a dilemma you are in. Many people have found themselves in that situation. Reading your story, I can see that you love that girl and you really want to take your relationship to the next level. It is a good idea to consider pre-marital counselling as this can help you both resolve the issues. Having a sit down with a counselor can help you two discuss the issue. I would suggest you take it slowly for now since it seems that religion is a big deal for you. You have to think about what can happen if she refused to join your church. Will you still want to marry her?

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