Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

A distant long-distance relationship

By Valentine Njoroge July 6, 04:39 pm
I am in a long-distance relationship. But my girlfriend doesn’t want me to visit her or for her to visit me. But she claims to love me. What is the way forward in this relationship?

Modern pen-pals

It sounds like you have a great modern day pen-pal. When I was my child, it used to be handwritten letters that you sent through snail-mail. But now the internet and smartphones have changed all that. However, while the mode of communication might have evolved, the parameters of the pen-pal friendship have remained the same: lots of affection and attention through words but no physical contact.

What do you both want?

It would be great to ask your partner what she wants out of this relationship, but before you do that, I suggest you get very real with what you want. Even from your short email, I can tell you would want to see this woman frequently. I think you would like some physical attention and for you to play a bigger role in her life.

There is nothing unusual about this. In fact, it is rather predictable that when we like people, we want to spend time with them. And when we are sexually attracted to these people, this desire is magnified.

It sounds like your needs are not being met, and the relationship is unfulfilling in some very key ways.

Tell your partner this and ask her what she thinks. Find out what keeps her from spending time with you. Is she unable or unwilling to see you? Does she see this relationship going anywhere or has it arrived at the point she wants it?

Make a decision

There is a reason we date for a while before we settle down and it’s because it takes a while to find someone you like, who likes you and then wants the same things that you do. If this does not work out, take time to heal and evaluate your lessons. Not every relationship leads to marriage obviously, but they all prepare us for that major commitment that many of us say we want.

Have you wanted a long-distance relationship to become a closer one? Ask our discussion board moderators for assistance.

Did you learn something new?

Comments
Hi,av bn dating my boyfriend for quite sometime now n the problem is that whenever we av issues he doesn't like to talk about them,he just assumes everything is ok,.have tried to leave him buh i just find myself going back to him..please help
silvester kiio
Tue, 07/14/2015 - 07:01 am
i was in a distance relationship and i was so proud of it in the first few months bt when the communication goes down i ended my r/ship. Now am in another distance r/ship and am very very very proud of it.
Daive.
Tue, 07/14/2015 - 04:49 pm
Am marred bt we r nt in th same city she told mi last week she told mi she misses ha mum i told ha to go 4 a wk then she told mi she might nt kam back doez she rlly love mi?
Daive, ask her about this. Maybe she wants to support her mum? Ask her what's going on and support her as much as you can.
Of late its very hard kupata true love and again to me i just cant dedicate my heart fully to a girl coz there is nothing painful than being hertbroken.....guys when you are in love ask them this......."Do you love me or money me"
hi I real don't know what to do I was in a relationship were we lud each ather BT when he got this job to Mombasa he does not call or TeX even if it ex or call he wount answer does he luv me or he is playing with me help me
Sasha, you need to talk to him and find out what's going on and if he is still interested in keeping this relationship going. Good luck!
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