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Alphonce Omondi

Feeling gay, feeling abnormal

I’m having these feelings of being gay. I don’t know what is happening to me but I know it’s not normal. I have kissed a guy. I also love women. I’m just confused.

Sinful, abnormal, perverted?

I take it that by ‘feelings of being gay‘ you mean that you are sexually attracted to men and that you believe these feelings are in some way abnormal. Growing up in Kenya, when homosexuality is mentioned, it’s usually terms of sin, abnormality, and perversion. So I completely understand your judgment of yourself and your confusion. Nobody wants to think of themselves as sinful, abnormal or perverted. And on top of this, you love women.

Your business only

In my lifetime, I have met and known and loved many homosexuals, both male and female. I also know people who have had sex with people of their gender, but they do not consider themselves gay or bisexual. I don’t know why they are attracted to people of their gender, or whether that attraction is a product of nature or nurture. What I do know is: what two consenting adults do with their bodies is none of my business.


I am not going to assign you a sexual orientation because only you can do that – and even then you can change your mind later if you find that what you called yourself before no longer fits.

How about we start by simply accepting you as you are? You are a young man who is keenly aware of his feelings and grappling to explain some of them to himself. I do not think you are perverted, nor do I think you owe anyone an explanation.

Even those of us who are heterosexual and accepted by society have to grapple with what we are willing to do with our bodies, what we like and how we are going to express our sexuality.

That is part of the human experience.

Kind and gentle

Take your time to figure it out. Experiment. But experiment carefully because, well, homosexual behaviour is punishable by law. Binyavanga Wainaina is one of the few openly gay men in Kenya and it took him 43 years and international fame to finally feel safe enough to unequivocally tell the world who he is. There is no rush; just be kind and gentle with yourself. You are wonderfully made and there is nothing wrong with you.

What two consenting adults do with their bodies… is it really any of your business? Leave a comment below or write to us on Facebook Love Matters Kenya and Naija.


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Recent Comments (29)

  1. Just come 2 me and i wll help
    Just come 2 me and i wll help u

    1. How will you help, Kemboi?
      How will you help, Kemboi?

  2. How is sex life like? between
    How is sex life like? between homosexuals?

    1. Hi Anthony,

      Hi Anthony,
      there are many possible ways, just like between heterosexual couples.

  3. just come to me and i will
    just come to me and i will help

      1. i can help with advice
        i can help with advice

        1. What kind of advice would you
          What kind of advice would you give?

  4. just come to me and i will
    just come to me and i will help

  5. Team Love Matter,

    Team Love Matter,
    u rlly have good advice, i love it. keep it up

    1. Thanks Chris, we will do our
      Thanks Chris, we will do our best to do it!

  6. Dear Admin. Plz
    Dear Admin. Plz help me….It’s now three year since I started dating this lady.In the few occations that we’ve had sex I’ve never felt satisfied,this has forced me to seek satisfaction elsewhere though it hurts me to do so.How can I tell her that she doesn’t satisfy me in bed without hurting her feelings n can one really improve in this areas?

    1. Hi Erique,

      Hi Erique,
      sex is about communication. Unless you tell her, she won’t know what satisfies you. And, for that matter, do you know if you satisfy her?
      It can be very awkward to talk about sex. Especially after three years. In the beginning, you think it’s gonna get better. But if you don’t open your mouth, she will never know. So, as bad is it might feel, you need to start the conversation. Tell her what you like, and ask her if she is willing to do it. And vice versa. Ask her if there are things she wants to try, and offer to try them. It will be difficult, but you can do it! Good luck!

  7. i feel men yet i neva love
    i feel men yet i neva love any…i feel gals tew bt less…emy a gay?

    1. Wwe,

      maybe you just haven’t found the right person (whether it’s a man or a woman) yet. Take your time, and don’t stress!
      All the best!

  8. My bf likes sex alot nd i dnt
    My bf likes sex alot nd i dnt like it wot can i do

    1. Hi Oyin , why is it that you
      Hi Oyin , why is it that you don’t like sex? talk to your boyfriend about it.

  9. Very Shallow advice.

    Very Shallow advice.
    I expected better than this nonsense

    1. What is it that you don’t
      What is it that you don’t agree with Robby?

  10. Does khat affect performance
    Does khat affect performance in bed? how explain? thanyou!

    1. Hi Mudhomi , some research
      Hi Mudhomi , some research has shown that it can either delay ejaculation or prevent one from having an erection altogether.

    1. Heterosexual refers to people
      Heterosexual refers to people who are attracted and have sex with people of opposite sex like a man with a woman.

  11. Infact,.. there I cant help
    Infact,.. there I cant help but I can advise..

    1. What would your advice be
      What would your advice be Lameck.

  12. What does ‘normal’ even mean?
    What does ‘normal’ even mean? Is being left handed normal? Is having blue eyes normal? Homosexual people are completely normal

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us Martin.

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