Not every abortion brings grief
Two months into my marriage, I got pregnant. We were both stressed and unhappy. Leaving aside the joy of being newlyweds, we started thinking about abortion.
I have grown up believing that a woman is incomplete unless she becomes a mother. But after a first-hand experience with my own body, I strongly feel that the choice of being a mother depends solely on the woman.
My husband and I had mutually decided to take some time out for ourselves and our career before our first child. Excited about our new married life, both of us forgot all about family planning. My husband and I had unprotected sex which resulted in my pregnancy, two months into our marriage.
I was saddened by this unplanned pregnancy. I decided to consult an old friend who had just delivered a baby. She was expecting good news but I told her clearly that I wasn’t mentally prepared or financially ready to take up the responsibility of a child. She suggested that I was clearly thinking out of my mind.
‘What do you mean by not being mentally prepared? Everything will fall in place once you deliver a baby,’ she said. According to her experience, to strengthen my relationship with my in-laws and my husband, I should have delivered a baby.
We lived in a joint family and my mother-in-law kept asking me if I had missed my periods. To avoid any further questions, my husband devised a plan. We decided to tell everyone that I was feeling sick and had to visit a doctor. My husband took me to a nearby clinic and we decided to go for medical abortion there.
With a female doctor’s advice, I started to take the pills prescribed for medical abortion. The medicines led to some discomfort and cramps in my stomach. But it also led to the feeling that everything would be fine.
However, four days after having taken the medicines, I still hadn’t got my periods. I went back to the clinic to discover that the medical abortion was unsuccessful due to some complications.
Not giving up
I asked my doctor the reason for my unsuccessful abortion. She said that in some cases, medical abortions fail. Unfortunately, I had to go through one of those. I was confused and stressed all over again.
I thought to myself whether I should really abort my first child and take away my right to be a mother.
I was also worried about the problems I would face in the future to deliver a baby because of this abortion. I expressed my fear and anxiety to my doctor. This time, she sent me home with another set of medicines, assuring me that it will lead to a successful abortion.
Summing up courage
I was preparing myself for our unpredictable future. My mother-in-law started getting suspicious as soon as she noticed a pattern in my sickness. I wanted to tell her clearly what I was going through and I tried convincing my husband, to sum up the courage. We also decided on telling her that having a baby is completely up to my choice.
Finally, my husband condemned this idea by saying that we would land ourselves in family trouble by disclosing our intentions. He said that it would lead to fights in our family and that my mother-in-law would never allow us to have an abortion.
One last step
The very next day, I discussed this topic closely with one of my senior colleagues. She advised me to contact an NGO that specialises in dealing with issues related to abortion.
I booked an appointment immediately. They advised me to opt for a surgical abortion and within five hours the foetus was removed from my body. All the emotional, physical and mental strain I had been facing drained away with surgical abortion. I moved ahead to realise that not every abortion brings grief, guilt and pain.
I do love children and I want to be a mother in the future, just that, back then I wasn’t ready. I will certainly decide to be a mother in due time, but with careful planning.
Have you ever been affected by abortion or unwanted pregnancy or know someone who has? Let your opinion be heard in our comments section or via our discussion board. You can also join the discussion on our Facebook pages Love Matters Kenya and Love Matters Naija.
what if u fail to conceive
what if u fail to conceive again?i guess u will have yourself to blame.sorry for being harsh.
Thanks for sharing your
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I Girlfriend want to abort…
I Girlfriend want to abort what advise would you give her
Hi James, has she considered…
Hi James, has she considered other options aside from getting an abortion including carrying the pregnancy to term and giving the child up for abortion? Have your girlfriend call Marie Stopes on the following number toll-free 0800720005 or WhatsApp them on 0709819000 for more support. They will be able to help here make an informed decision. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/pregnancy/unsure-about-being-pregnant/abortion
Am also facing the same
Am also facing the same problem but I have my first son and Iam not ready for second child and I feel like termination the second one
Kindly contact marie stopes
Kindly contact marie stopes on 0800 720 005 to get assistance with your issue.
I want to abort too so wat
I want to abort too so wat can I do
Hi Aisha, kindly call marie
Hi Aisha, kindly call marie stopes on 0800 720 005 to get all the assistance you need.
Hi, what consequences are…
Hi, what consequences are you referring to?
Marie stops is best for such
Marie stops is best for such matters
Thanks for your input .
Thanks for your input .
If can plan for marriage y
If can plan for marriage y not for having responsibility??????
Maybe u r trying to legalise abortion????
Thanks for your input.
Thanks for your input.
Allow me to ask this…
Allow me to ask this question… can I get pregnant if I have sex when am expecting periods on the same day.My cycle is irregular (21days)
Hi Naomi, It is unlikely…
Hi Naomi, It is unlikely that you will get pregnant on the same day you are getting your periods on when you are on your period. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/our-bodies/female-body/menstruation
Am also going through that…
Am also going through that experience but am totally down and crushed what cn I do for sure am on pressure
Hi Chrislet, so sorry about…
Hi Chrislet, so sorry about this. I suggest that you talk to someone who will be able to help you address the specific issues you are dealing with. Check out the following article for some options of where you can seek help;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/get-help/helpline-and-counseling
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
I want to terminate this…
I want to terminate this pregnancy it will cause a divorce because I got it outside wedlock
Hi Cecilia, this is really a…
Hi Cecilia, this is really a personal decision, one that you shouldn’t be pressured into. Take time and think about the consequences of either keeping the pregnancy or terminating it and then make a decision based what consequences you are willing to leave with. You can also consider calling Marie Stopes toll-free on 0800720005 or WhatsApp them on 0709819000 for further support and advice. Have a look at this article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/pregnancy/unsure-about-being-pregnant/abortion
Hey you are very lucky so…
Hey you are very lucky so ask for forgiveness and pray that when you need a child you will get
Hey, abortion can be safe…
Hey, abortion can be safe for a woman such that there are no problems in future when one wishes to get pregnant. We appreciate your thoughts though.
Their is no safe abortion no…
Their is no safe abortion no matter who does it
Hi, there are safe abortions…
Hi, there are safe abortions which can either be Medical or Surgical. It matters who does it, a safe abortion will be carried out be a professional Medical practitioner. Have a look at the following of this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/pregnancy/unsure-about-being-pregnant/abortion