Help, my pregnant wife hates me
Valentine, is it true that pregnancy can change the attitude of a wife against her husband? If so, what can the husband do to remedy the situation?
It happens often
Wow, you are in a tough situation. My own father now – over 30 years later – recalls with laughter how my mother really hated him during her pregnancy with me. He says it was especially difficult because they were also in the middle of planning their wedding. I can only imagine how his family wondered why he wanted to marry a woman who was not at all enamoured with him…
It’s all hormonal
Over the years, I have watched a few women go through this and unfortunately none of them has reported a remedy.
The good news is that the disenchantment is completely hormonal and may not even last throughout the whole pregnancy.
Each pregnancy is different and your wife might never feel this way again. This wave of ‘husband hating’ is typically worst when the mother is dealing with morning sickness – which usually occurs in the first and third trimesters.
Possessed
Your wife is probably observing herself and her behaviour and wondering what demon has taken over her mind. She might be terrified that she is ruining your marriage. And she might be so embarrassed by her behaviour that she can’t ask for help. Show her this article as it will explain what’s happening and perhaps give her some peace of mind. Knowing that it’s hormonal and temporary will perhaps make this all easier to deal with. The worst case scenario is her being like this for the entire nine months. However, in most cases, it doesn’t last longer than two.
You could also just avoid her as much as possible and focus on other ways of preparing for baby. Having your feelings hurt and being rejected by your spouse is not fun, even when you do know it’s temporary.
Have you been a hated partner? Or a hating partner? Share your experiences by leaving a comment below or joining the discussion on Love Matters Naija and Kenya.
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Recent Comments (37)
I’d love to learn more on
I’d love to learn more on long term relationships
Agnes,
Agnes,
have you checked our Love & Relationships section?
I am pregnant & i really…
I am pregnant & i really hate my bby daddy just because he doesnt blieve that the child is his…i told him never to talk to me,text me or even call me..& for sure he doesnt communicate since then..was i wrong telling him so? Or is it that he had no true love to me!
Please help me
Hey Nazlin, so sorry about…
Hey Nazlin, so sorry about this. I can’t tell you how he felt about you and it is possible that he just wasn’t ready to take responsibility for a child. Either way this is tough, going through this without support from him. If he has however chosen not to support you, there is little you can do at this time. After you deliver the baby you can now talk about how he participates in raising your child. You have to think about what direction you want your relationship with him to take and then talk about it to agree on this. We wish you all the best in your pregnancy journey.
Thank God am not alone I…
Thank God am not alone I feel like am about the go crazy my girl hate even the ground I walk on since she was about 5 months pregnant she even put me out of the house no calls no text she accept from me I have to be living in the dark she told me how much she hates me and we will never be back together she is now 39 weeks will this change after birth
Hey Leon, sorry about this…
Hey Leon, sorry about this. Fortunately, it’s about over. Things should ease up after the birth of your baby and things can resume to what they used to be. We wish you all the best.
Did she come back after she…
Did she come back after she delivered?
Hi Nick, thanks for getting…
Hi Nick, thanks for getting in touch, to whom is your question directed towards?
I’m in the same situation,…
I’m in the same situation, my wife put me out os the house and blocked me in all her social medias.
So sorry Joe. That must hurt…
So sorry Joe. That must hurt especially because you seem to want to be with her during her pregnancy. Pregnancy does take a toll on the woman’s body and mood. Just remember that she is just as much a victim of her hormones as you may feel you are. She is going on an emotional and physical roller coaster ride! Just hang in there! It will all be worth it in the end.
In terms of being kicked out of the house, talk to her and persuade her to take you back.
Man my girlfriend was pure…
Man my girlfriend was pure evil in her 1st trimester…i almost felt like killing myself, i wont lie to you man it was horrible, she didnt even replied to my single text. She was miserable. But when she reached to her 2nd trimester things went back to normal and loving and romantic but not for too long because now she is in her 3rd trimester and went all crazy again, wont speak at all. I remember her saying she feels irritated and lost interests in doing thing she liked before, she also told me that she loves me a lot and wont leave me during her 2nd trimester, so am holding on man, trying to be nice to her as much as possible, i do loose my temper some days and want to fight with her but i focus on other things to divert my mind, Hormones are bad man, it sucks. Shes 32 weeks now, i hope it ends soon.
Hello Applenose,…
Hello Applenose, congratulations on your bundle of joy! Pregnancy does take a toll on the woman’s body. Just remember that she is just as much a victim of her hormones as you may feel you are. She is going on an emotional and pphysical roller coaster ride! Just hang in there! It will all be worth it in the end.
Hope all worked out brother
Hope all worked out brother
we have been having a good…
we have been having a good time with my girlfriend,but it reached atime she started assuming my calls,no reply on texts,it was on second month when she started doing this,,it was really hurting,then all of a surden she introduced me to her ex,that they are back together and I should take it easy and understand the situation,we dated for almost two years,I was bitter to her for doing such a thing to me,but I kept on seeing her WhatsApp update,only to realize that she was pregnant and I was the one responsible,in reality I realized that she really hated me,it’s now 6months,no calls,no text and she ended up blocking not only me but also my brothers and sisters,I still have her brothers phone no.he always communicates indirectly to me through WhatsApp status,I’m frastrated,mentally and physically abused by their actions,please help me.
Hi Joseph, thank you for…
Hi Joseph, thank you for reaching out and we are sorry you are going through such a hard time. First of all, you need to confirm if the child is indeed yours and get in touch with a lawyer to investigate your legal rights as the potential father. With regards to your relationship with her, it seems like she has made it abundantly clear that she does not want to have any contact with you and unfortunately, you cannot force her to feel otherwise. All you can do is take time to recover from the break up and focus on yourself. Click here to find out more: https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up
Hi guys. I guess my…
Hi guys. I guess my situation is the worst,me and my wife stay together and we are having our second child. She was pure evil on her second trimester and she hated my guts but I didn’t know she was pregnant until I accepted she doesn’t love me anymore but I then took her to a ultrasound and it was confirmed that we are having our second child. Now she’s 39 and half I’m tired guys it was hard for me to live with her without sex for until now. Now she hated my guts she calls me a male whore for what I don’t know and she doesn’t trust me but I never cheated on her even once but she did and I’m still with her and I love her. I need help guys she says she’s tired of me
Hi, so sorry to hear that…
Hi, so sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. Just like the article says, she’s likely just being hormonal. Now that she is 39 weeks pregnant she is not that far off. You could try and hold on a little longer. However, you should also let her know how her words make you feel.
My girl friend is having a…
My girl friend is having a baby, I can’t do anything right, all the ways I’m ment to help and support that u read about just aren’t working, we don’t live together , we in lock down and well I don’t even know if she wants to parent together, we don’t get to spend any alone time and because she hates me right now she has no want to make time to spend with me
Hello Claire, interesting…
Hello Claire, interesting name for a man (I presume?). Thank you for getting in touch with us and we are sorry you are going through a hard time. Communication is an important part of any relationship. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Explain how their actions are affecting you and the relationship. Try not to be confrontational because that would put them on the defensive and the resulting conversation would not be productive. Be ready to listen to their fears and feelings and respond to them as well.
This article has some pointers that could help you learn how to better communicate.
https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/better-communication-better-relationships
My wife is 8 weeks pregnant…
My wife is 8 weeks pregnant. I try to help in the house by cleaning, washing dishes and cooking. However, how she will talk to me, I will feel like I am useless and I not trying enough. I think she hate me. She does not even want us to have sex, I feel rejected. please help
Hi Pat,
So sorry for what…
Hi Pat,
So sorry for what you are going through. Some women’s mood is affected by pregnancy hormones, body changes, pregnancy discomfort, fatigue, and fear of becoming a parent. Some women become very moody or have no desire for sex. It is important to be supportive to your partner since her attitude may be affected by factors beyond her control. Also, if her anger is too frequent, it may affect the baby thus you can encourage her to see a counsellor – it would be advisable that you go together. All the best as you even await the birth of your child.
Hello. My wife is two months…
Hello. My wife is two months pregnant and she started hating me,she keeps on telling me she is leaving me. She also tells me that the pregnancy is not even mine.She keeps on insulting like for example when I sweet talk her to eat.I totally don’t understand her,ever moody since we did the pregnancy test. Am always stressed about this,not at peace at all, it’s ruining my work to some extent. Please help.
Hi Ousmane,
So sorry for…
Hi Ousmane,
So sorry for what you are going through. I feel bad that even your work-life is being affected. This should not be the case. Also, note that some women’s mood is affected by pregnancy hormones, body changes, pregnancy discomfort, fatigue, and fear of becoming a parent. Some women become very moody or have no desire for sex. It is important to be supportive to your partner since her attitude may be affected by factors beyond her control. Also, if her anger is too frequent, it may affect the baby thus you can encourage her to see a counsellor – it would be advisable that you go together. All the best as you even await the birth of your child.
On the other hand, if she has said that the baby may not be yours, it is important to confirm this. A DNA test is the best way to determine this. It only fair that you know the truth so that you can decide what to do next.
In the meantime, take care of yourself. Ensure that your day to day life is not affected by what you are going through in your relationship.
Hi my partner is now 13…
Hi my partner is now 13 weeks pregnant, from 6 weeks she has slowly become very distant to the point where she wants space. I love her deeply but over the last 3 to 4 weeks she has not told me she loves me. Some days she can’t even say good morning or goodnight. Even when I question her she takes it wrongly and starts getting cranky. She brings up old things I have said that I know we’re not serious but all of a sudden it’s turned around. She is extremely sick with morning sickness, she doesn’t want me to even hold her hand, she looks beautiful and I try to do as much as I can to help. I am a fixer and all my life I’ve fixed other peoples problems so I find it gut wrenching when I can’t be close. I’ve tried to talk to her about it but she ends up getting mad and turns it on me. I know she wants space and I’m happy to give what I think that means but I’m torn in case she then thinks I have no interest in her and our baby. She never likes anyone doing anything for her, she’s worried because she has had to leave the workforce so she has no income. I’ve tried to assure her that I will look after her and the baby but she doesn’t want to be indebted to me. I find it really hard she had two previous miscarriages with a different partner and all seems fine with this one fingers crossed. She spoilt me in many ways and is a beautiful person and I love her very much but I am desperate to do the right thing but can’t seem to do anything right.
Please help I’m confused.
Hi Pete,
So sorry for what…
Hi Pete,
So sorry for what you are going through. It must be tough to understand all these changes and most of all not to know how to handle them. First, you partner has gone through 2 miscarriages thus she is traumatized and really scared it might happen again. She may also still be in mourning for the two pregnancies she lost. That may explain why she has changed. On the other hand, pregnancy hormones affect a woman’s mood swings and you may find that she reacts more strongly to things that she wouldn’t normally. Third, it could also be that she is an independent person and that is why she’s worried about being financially dependent on you. It may be something new to her and she may be scared about how it will turn out. The best thing is to be a supportive partner and be patient. She will come around. Finally, remember that extreme stress, anger, or sadness could affect the unborn child. Seek counselling services if you feel that this is the case with your partner.
I am so sorry for what you…
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Having your feelings hurt and being rejected by your spouse is not fun, even when you do know it’s not for long. Remember that, in most cases, it doesn’t last longer than two.
It must be tough to understand all these changes and most of all not to know how to handle them. Pregnancy hormones affect a woman’s mood swings and you may find that she reacts more strongly to things that she wouldn’t normally. Finally, remember that extreme stress, anger, or sadness could affect the unborn child. Seek counseling services if you feel that this is the case with your partner.
Hugs to you!
I noticed my wife seems to…
I noticed my wife seems to avoid me around end of April. I thought it was due to her having a fever, after it has subside away. She still avoid me. Around May, I try to have her concern to have sex with me by asking nicely. She cried and treat me as rapist, even before this, I never force her at all. After I apologize, she scolded me wildly. Then, around middle of May, we had some argument and I forced her to speak her heart. Then, she said SHE HATES ME when she sees my face and that feeling she could not control it. That is why she was avoiding me throughout this month.
Now, it is 13 of June 2021, she is still avoiding me. No chit-chat between husband and wife, only talk about few important matters. She will do her own business and I will do my own. It feel like roomates not husband and wife. I feel lonely. I can see that she still avoiding me, I hope it won’t last long. By the end of June, it will be two months since she started to hate me. I hope by that time, she will not hate me anymore.
I am so sorry for what you…
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Having your feelings hurt and being rejected by your spouse is not fun, even when you do know it’s not for long. Remember that, in most cases, it doesn’t last longer than two. This shall soon pass! Sending you well wishes!
My wife also behaves the…
My wife also behaves the same. She hates me, and the feeling she can’t control it. She directly told me when we had an argument through WhatsApp on 23 of May 2021. Since then, I felt that my wife had distanced herself from me. I feel lonely. Even though we are husband and wife, I felt it is on paper only. Now I felt that we just mind our own business, I felt the distance kept getting far and farer as time goes by. We only talk if there is important matter. No more laughter, no more smile from her face when she is with me (but when with her family or friends, she could smile and laugh).
I hope it is only temporary, she is now in 21st weeks, in second trimesters. I could not hold on my feeling, almost everyday I will cry and cry wondering why she treats me as if I am her enemy.
I hope it is only temporary. I could not bear this any longer.
So hello everyone my name is…
So hello everyone my name is Daniel and I’ am having my first baby boy I am with a woman that is 7 years younger than me and already has two of her own she resents me and says she hates me and wish she never met me how baby is a mistake she’s said it all ……. We’ve had issues along the way we’ve been together for 1. Going on two years since she’s been pregnant she hates me she sometimes answers all day and some days she ignores me leaves me on read or has short conversations and everything I do bothers her idk I say and hope it’s pregnancy but she says it isn’t she’s 23 weeks and sometimes it’s the opposite she loves me she says we’ll make it and all these good things then she says I only said that because I see you like a lost puppy and feel sorry for you your a loser and we’ll never amount that anything I admit I work two jobs and attend all kids events right now baseball etc idk she says I don’t deserve to be called dad won’t ever have a house it’s a lot I am down right now and have been for years but majority was life choices etc…. Now since I met here I had barely finished getting my little brothers through highs school and then bam I met her been with her ever since I am a jealous man sometimes and tend to think wrong when she gets like this so I’ve balanced myself and focused Solely on her emotions and take advantage of the times she’s loving idk what else to do nothing is good enough Evreyday I get humiliated or reminded how messed up I am or my life is everything that is wrong with me she brings up everyday and then when I snap she blames it On me and doesn’t see that she’s been poking and poking at me everyday I always try to solve how she feels or cheer her up but she overthinks idk thanks for your time people
Hi there,
I am so sorry for…
Hi there,
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Having your feelings hurt and being rejected by your spouse is not fun, even when you do know it’s not for long. Remember that, in most cases, it doesn’t last longer than two.
It must be tough to understand all these changes and most of all not to know how to handle them. Pregnancy hormones affect a woman’s mood swings and you may find that she reacts more strongly to things that she wouldn’t normally. Finally, remember that extreme stress, anger, or sadness could affect the unborn child.
On the other hand, it may be that there are other issues within your relationship that are causing you to fight and they may have been there even before she even got pregnant.
Seek counseling services if you feel that this is the case with your partner and if this situation is affecting your mental health.
Hugs to you!
Hi I my girlfriend she’s…
Hi I my girlfriend she’s been 3 months pregnant and we separated and she tells me she got a new boyfriend what should I do
Hi Kgomotso,
It seems that…
Hi Kgomotso,
It seems that she made the decision to breakup without involving you thus it is understandable why you would be upset and heartbroken. First, if she says she has a new boyfriend, the best thing to do is to move on. Here is an article that can give you tips on how to handle a breakup: How to cope with a breakup. Second, if you are the father of her unborn child, it is important that the two of you discuss how you will parent the child. If you are the father, you have a right to be with your child and it is only fair that you two discuss an arrangement that can ensure that you have access to your child. I hope this ends well for you and her and your unborn child (if this is the case).
My girlfriend hates me at…
My girlfriend hates me at first it was OK but always controlling,now things are bad we no longer living together decided to move out because we always fight we argue every time now she’s trying to keep away by telling me I’m not the father.this thing is to heavy for me I was even thinking of suicide because I love her and with the first child we were so inlove now I’m wondering what’s going can’t cope please help
Hi Kgomotso,
So sorry for…
Hi Kgomotso,
So sorry for what you’ve gone through. Kindly note that suicide is not the solution. The world is better with you in it. Kindly call 1190 and talk to someone who can help you with your situation.
Also, it is advisable that you know whether you are the father of your child or not. A DNA test can help prove this. Have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend about how her behavior affects you. On the other hand, be honest with yourself about whether your life is better with her or without her. It could be that you two are better parents or friends if you live apart and not living together. Take time to also think about what is best for your child (once you confirm he/she is yours). Sending you love and hugs. Don’t forget to call 1190 for free to get counselling services.
Me again I’m the father she…
Me again I’m the father she’s trying to make me feel how preg is she’s acting weird don’t know what to do
Hi Kgomotso,
I am glad you…
Hi Kgomotso,
I am glad you know that you are the father. First positive step!
on her behavior patterns, it is important for you to know that pregnancy hormones can affect a woman’s mood and you may find that she is more emotional than usual. Remember that she could be experiencing tiredness because of the pregnancy and may not be sleeping well. She may be feeling insecure because of the changes happening to her body. The best thing is to be supportive and treat this as a temporary issue that will soon end once she deliver your baby. Wishing you well!