• Pregnancy
• Before Pregnancy

Getting pregnant: when you can’t seem to have a baby

By Kerubo Akello on

You’d think that getting pregnant was a quick thing. Most people remember the horror stories told by adults, and threats to not come home with babies.

But how about if you actually want a baby?

Moving on from the scare techniques

We all know stories that we are told by our friends that make us super scared of even going near the opposite sex – that couple who got pregnant because he was just around her vagina, for example. Sure, that can actually happen. In rare cases, when there is enough fluid surrounding the penis and vagina, sometimes couples get pregnant even without penetration. But it doesn’t happen often enough to be scared of sex, even though everyone seems to know a story like that.

My friend Sarah got married when we were both quite young, in our early 20s. She had been dating this guy for years, so when she finally finished university, they decided it was time to make it official. He was a little bit older than her but we all thought the babies would come soon after the marriage. They both wanted children, and they were both ready to try soon.

Waiting to get pregnant

But Sarah didn’t want children as soon as her husband did. The agreement was for her to finish her next degree, and then have children. So, without telling him, she got on the pill. At some point, though, she decided she was ready for kids and started to actively try. One year went by, then two years.

Her husband and his family were beginning to look at her like she was the problem in the relationship, and even she began to wonder what was going wrong – she wasn’t on the pill, and she didn’t think anything was wrong with her, so what could it be?

Of course, we discussed it with her, among friends, but we couldn’t figure out what wasn’t right. So Sarah went to the doctor.

Right timing

For some reason, her husband didn’t want to go to the doctor. Even though it only makes sense to go to the doctor and get tested as a couple, to try and figure out if the hindrance is slow sperm or one of those factors.

The doctor explained to her that there are actually very few days during which a woman can get pregnant, specifically, about one and a half weeks into her cycle, for about 2 – 3 days. He suggested that they should time their sexual activity during these days, the ovulation period so that there was a higher chance for her to get pregnant.

He also recommended that she try to relax a bit more because stress can be a factor that causes women not to get pregnant.

Patience and relaxation

After the doctor’s visit, and two years of waiting, Sarah finally got pregnant – with twins. She was relieved because they were really starting to worry! But she was glad that she eventually went to the doctor instead of waiting at home trying to guess about what wasn’t happening with her body.

A lot of factors can hinder pregnancy for women, and it’s important to seek medical guidelines if you think something is wrong with you or your partner.

These factors could be anything, ranging from chronic illnesses such as endometriosis and rheumatoid arthritis to infertility, or something as simple as bad planning. A year of trying to have a baby is not unusual at all, but after two years of trying and frequent, timed sex, it is probably time to see a professional. After all, all babies need a little help coming into the world.

Have you ever been concerned about being unable to get pregnant? Share your story below or on our Facebook pages, Naija and Kenya.