Couple upset over negative pregnancy test

What to do when you can’t get pregnant

You’ve been trying to get pregnant for a while, and now you are starting to panic. Something may be wrong. While this is very common, it can be really scary.

Ready for babies

You’ve met the love of your life. He’s the one, and you know it. He is everything you want him to be, and on top of that, it looks like he is going to be a great father, too. He wants to be a dad, he’s interested in providing for his kids. He wants to shape a little human into a bigger, better human – kind of leave a mark of legacy behind, a legacy of hope in this big bad world. Basically, what you want to do too, plus, your mother has been bugging you about grandchildren.

So you do the couple thing and start trying to get pregnant. It happens to everyone around you easily enough, and you think it’ll probably be the same for you. I mean, why not? Having a baby is one of the easiest things to do – in fact, it’s kind of one of the main things women don’t even have to try too hard to do. Right?

It takes time

Wrong. And for many women, having a baby takes much longer than you would think.

Having a baby isn’t always as easy as 1, 2, 3 – and many couples don’t realize that. Most people think that all you have to do is do the deed and get the baby – but statistics everywhere show that this is not true.
But why isn’t it true? Why is having a baby more difficult than it is originally portrayed? And, how long should you wait to start worrying that you’re not getting pregnant?

Doctors say that conception should be as simple as getting off contraceptive methods and having unprotected sex. The recommended time to wait is about one and a half to two years before it is time to go see a specialist. Actually, if you are 35 and above, six months of trying is enough of an alarm bell to ring. Especially if you have been trying and there are no pre-existing deterring factors, such as if you take medications for asthma or you have epilepsy, if you’re a smoker or if you have irregular periods, for example.

Guide to action

The point of seeing a professional is to give you hope. Not being able to conceive is not always a permanent thing – many couples conceive in the second year after trying all through the first.

Medical professionals are better able to guide you towards possible courses of action – such as stopping certain medications or treating conditions that could be responsible.

It could even just be the timing of your cycle and paying attention to ovulation days and frequency of sex (three times a week on different days for 12 consecutive months is a well-advised target). After all, women can only get pregnant on a few days of the month!

Other options

And what happens if you do find out that the problem is deeper than just counting days? Infertility is a condition that affects millions of men and women (7.3 million in America alone, according to the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention) for varied reasons.
For example, chlamydia, the STI, can sometimes result in infertility. In women, age is also a determinant for how easily a woman can bear a child, if at all.

You could consider other options, like adoption, and give a child that doesn’t have a family a chance to live with people who really care about them.
There is also surrogacy, in the event that it is one partner who is infertile, or IVF if the man has poor sperm quality/mobility or the woman has severely damaged fallopian tubes.

There is a lot that modern medicine can do today, for couples who want children. But the first step is, of course, to visit a doctor so you know exactly what you’re dealing with.

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Recent Comments (14)

  1. Thank you for this article…
    Thank you for this article really helpful. I will share with someone who has been struggling with this.

    1. We appreciate the feedback…

      We appreciate the feedback Joan, and thank you for sharing.

      1. You are most welcome…

        You are most welcome Tukamuhebwa Shaban, we are always pleased to help! Have a wonderful week ahead and stay safe!

  2. Dear LM, I am in Nairobi…
    Dear LM, I am in Nairobi please refer me to a specialist. We have been trying to get pregnant for about 18 months. Both me and my partner have each a child from previous relationships. Thank you.

    1. Hello Fridah, you could just…

      Hello Fridah, you could just go to your preferred health facility and ask to be referred to a specialist. We hope you can get the help you need soon. The following article provides options in Nairobi;- 

  3. We have been trying for very…
    We have been trying for very long now my partner blames me he says I am the problem because he has another child with another woman. Please help me my marriage is falling apart.

    1. You are welcome Esther.

      You are welcome Esther.

  4. This picture is a reflection…
    This picture is a reflection of my relationship right now. Not having a baby has put a strain on our marriage and relatives are not giving us a break. It’s very hard for me right now.

    1. Hey MegC, so sorry about…

      Hey MegC, so sorry about this. How long have you been trying to get pregnant? Have you tried to discuss with your partner about getting help from a specialist? It is important that you talk with your partner about seeking the services of a specialist especially if you have been trying for longer than twelve months. We wish you all the best, find a good time to have this conversation with your partner. Check out the following article for more information;-

  5. For me I have done abortion…
    For me I have done abortion 3 time’s now i don’t get can it be the pills affect me

    1. If you feel that something…

      If you feel that something out of the ordinary happened during these abortions, kindly see a medical practitioner for a comprehensive diagnosis and advice on the way forward.

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