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Can't orgasm during sex because I masturbated?

By Chris Hart January 24, 06:00 am
I've been masturbating since I was 14, I’m 25 now. Whenever I’ve had sex everything happens as expected, I get aroused and wet but don’t get an orgasm at the end of it all.

This only happens when I masturbate (I'm trying to stop). Is this a case of sexual dysfunction or am I just one among many women who can’t get an orgasm through penetrative sex?

Don't stop masturbating

First of all, there’s no need to stop masturbating. I know that society says we’re ‘not supposed to’.

But actually, everyone does, and it’s completely normal and harmless.

It’s also just about the only way to find out what arouses you to the point of orgasm. Because most women need more than simple penetration to reach a climax.

Masturbating means getting to know yourself

So start to masturbate again, and this time think of it as a form of research! Touch yourself all over your intimate areas. You’ll almost certainly discover that rhythmically touching your clitoris, or the area around it, is what really gets things going.

You do know exactly where your clitoris is, don’t you? If you don’t, there are lots of websites on the internet which will explain everything to you: Wikipedia, for example, has a tremendous article on the subject. As does Love Matters!

Don’t worry if your clitoris doesn’t look exactly like what you see online. Every woman’s body is different – but they all work just fine once you know what to do.

Experiment

So experiment to figure out exactly what works best for you. It may be that you need to touch your clitoris very directly, or you may find that that’s far too intense and it’s enough to touch the surrounding areas. Try different levels of pressure and figure out what sort of rhythm works best for you.

Once you’ve found all that out, talk to your partner and have a few sessions of mutual masturbation together. They may also have been brought up to think that masturbation is wrong or embarrassing so reassure them. Pretty soon they’ll be enjoying themselves as much as you.

Try different positions

After that, start exploring sex positions and movements that also produce the right stimulation. For example the ‘Coital Alignment Technique’ – if that’s something you’ve never heard of, Google it! It’s also often called ‘grinding the corn,’ and is a variation on the missionary position where your partner rides high and puts more pressure on your clitoris. It’s also worth exploring the woman on top positions. And the rear entry positions, especially because they allow either you or your partner to stimulate your clitoris manually while you’re having sex.

So experiment lots, and constantly talk together about what’s working and what’s not. And before long you’ll be able to get an orgasm during sex with your partner whenever you want one.


Do you have questions about masturbation and orgasms? Head to our discussion board – our moderators are eager to help you out.

Did you learn something new?

Comments

Hi there, 

The trick is to really gently and slowly stimulate the G-spot. As your G-spot gets stimulated and arousal increases, the erectile tissue will fill with blood. The G-spot and the labia will become larger. Stimulate gently.

Unfortunately, not all women can squirt. It has been found that some women can squirt (high volume ejaculation) as they have well a well-developed Skene gland (like the prostate gland in men) that allows for squirting. Not all women have a well-developed Skene gland. This does not mean that they cannot achieve orgasms and enjoy sex. Women’s bodies vary in many ways. High and low volume female ejaculation varies from person to person; body to body; experience to experience. This is an important consideration to take. Don’t compare yourself to another person who can squirt, because you may start to believe that you are missing out. The truth is, you really are not. 

The answer to this is also no. Not being able to squirt does not mean you cannot enjoy sex; in fact, you can have amazing sex and orgasms without squirting or ejaculating, so please do not put additional pressure on yourself.

Remember: you can still enjoy a fulfilling sexual experience without ejaculating; so be safe and enjoy!

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