An illustration of sexpert Chris Hart
E. del Rosso

Scared of sex – help!

I’m 25, and I don’t have any girlfriend yet. I’m afraid to have sex. I usually masturbate, but that doesn’t reduce my fear. How can I do away with it?

It’s completely normal for a young man to want to have sex a lot! A huge, huge, lot.

And to be really anxious about it. That’s actually a good thing, or else the human race would have gone extinct years ago. After all, getting to know a girl well enough to have sex with her is really hard work. And if it wasn’t for that huge drive to have sex, I’m not sure a young man would bother!

It’s worth saying that it’s also completely normal for a young guy to masturbate a lot to relieve that anxiety. But as you’ve noticed, it only reduces the drive to have sex for a short while. After which it returns. And although that’s really uncomfortable, it’s actually also a good thing – because it will eventually encourage you to go out and get a girlfriend!

And that’s the cure for your anxiety. Because once you have a girlfriend to have sex with, it won’t feel like an anxiety any more. It’ll be a pleasure instead.

So how do you get a girlfriend?
Well, it helps that girls are actually just as interested in sex as young men are. It’s just that they’re often much more cautious about it all. And so they like to make sure that they’re with the right man before they think about it. So your goal is to become that right man!

And that all starts with being successful and leading an interesting life. Like working hard at your studies, or doing well in a good job. Having an interesting social life and interests. And obviously enjoying your life. Do that and you can be sure that the girls will start noticing you.

Learn the social skills that are needed to get on well with girls. That’s mostly about being genuinely interested in them, and their lives, and interests, and opinions. And being able to ask and respond to questions.
Polite, smartly dressed, and kind of course. And aware of the etiquette of asking a girl out.

Which is all about never asking a girl out before she’s made it clear she wants you to! Which means if you get that right, there’s never a fear of rejection. How does she let you know? It’s in her eyes! Learn what a girl’s eyes look like when she’s near a man she wants to ask her out, and you’ll never look back…

How have you overcome the fear of asking someone out? Share your experiences here or on Facebook.

did you find this useful?

Tell us what you think

Recent Comments (2)

LoveMatters Africa

Blush-free facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships