Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

My wife doesn’t like sex (but I’m perfect)

I’ve been married since 2012. My wife doesn’t like sex. Sometimes I go without for over a month. Is this normal in a marriage? When I recently went astray, I was told I was perfect in bed.

Should I consider ‘mpango wa kando‘? Because I miss what I should legally have.


Oooohhhh Mr Perfection, it must be a joy to be married to you and bask in all your perfect sexual glory.

In case you missed it, I am being sarcastic.

Perfect in bed doesn’t exist

First of all, there is no such thing as perfect in bed. What’s amazing for one woman is underwhelming for another. Secondly, if you were so great and your wife was experiencing amazing pleasure she would do what we all do when we feel good – she would revisit that feel good feeling every chance she got. In fact, she would schedule it on her calendar like a meeting and nothing – not even rain, traffic or a bad mood – would keep her away from it.

She doesn’t owe you

So, what are you doing as a husband that keeps your wife from enjoying sex? Is it perhaps your attitude in thinking that she owes you? That it’s what you should ‘legally have’? Or perhaps it is the belief that your skills are impeccable? Maybe she found out about the little excursion you took to confirm just how perfect you are in bed?

You are going to have to let go of these attitudes and beliefs because clearly, the sex life you have managed to create with this woman is underwhelming for both of you. The good news here is that, things can only get better.

Introduce romance

Forget the bedroom, you need to romance this woman. All women, every single one of us, want to feel cherished and adored. When you manage that, your wife’s panties will drop fast and with such frequency that you will be stunned. Shower this woman with attention, buy her things she likes, tell her how beautiful she is and how her laugh makes your day brighter.

When she does eventually get naked, forget how perfect you are and focus on her and her pleasure. Ask for instructions and follow them. Make sure that each sexual encounter leaves her satisfied.

If after all this she still does not want to have sex then write me again and we can talk more about her anatomy.

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