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My partner refuses oral sex

Whenever I ask my guy to go down on me, he says he has never done it and that he’s not ready yet. I do go down on him. It’s the one and only thing I desire so much! Please advise….

Girl, I feel you! That’s one of the most frustrating sexual things: lack of reciprocal giving. He probably enjoys you going down on him so much that I am tempted to advise you to go nil-by-mouth below the waist just to see his reaction. However, that is not a solution. You have asked several times and he hasn’t given you a reason as to why he can’t or won’t. If he has hang-ups related to hygiene, tastes etc, he should have communicated the same and both of you would have looked for a solution.

Having said that, this could be an indication of the state of your relationship as there are different perspectives based on the kind of relationship you are in. Unfortunately, you didn’t indicate if you are married, in a long-term relationship or a friend-with-benefits situation. In a relationship, most guys would love to have as much sex as possible before deciding if you are the ‘one’ or not. Unfortunately, sex or sexual prowess is rarely the qualifier of marriage. If he is not serious about the relationship, it might be one of the reasons he may not want to commit and go down on you.

If you are in a serious relationship or marriage, there are gaps in your relationship, especially in the communication department. He could be one of those old fashioned, traditional men who believe sexual bliss is exclusively for the man’s pleasure; the same attitudes that lead society to circumcise women. Some are simply just selfish. Nevertheless, if this man loves you, he will move mountains to make you happy. You, therefore, must talk to him and find out why he would not go down on you and this time, make it clear you have already given him enough time.

 

So as I mentioned above, if it is just an issue of hang-ups like hygiene concerns then you can take a bath together as a way of building confidence and intimacy. As for taste, you can incorporate tasty treats such as flavored lubricants, honey, whipped cream and even lust dust or maybe ice cream if you can take the cold.

 

For more tips on saving relationships and marriages, check Getrude Mungai’s blog. 

Do you or your partner have problems with oral sex? Talk to us on our discussion board, Facebook, or drop us a note below. 

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Recent Comments (63)

  1. I can’t do it coz of
    I can’t do it coz of tonsilitis, sore throat, oral thrush, or gastro intestinal infections

    1. Your partner needs medical
      Your partner needs medical attention! You also need to be screened for STI’s!

    2. Hi there, you need to visit a
      Hi there, you need to visit a doctor for check up as soon as possible.

  2. I can’t do it coz of throat
    I can’t do it coz of throat an intestinal ifections

    1. Hi Sewa , you need to go to
      Hi Sewa , you need to go to hospital for treatment as soon as possible.

  3. Well, for me it’s the
    Well, for me it’s the opposite. She wont go down on me but I eat ‘the humble pie’ everytime. It’s so unfair!

    1. What are her reasons for not
      What are her reasons for not doing so? please share with us.

  4. Stop misleading the world.
    Stop misleading the world. Reproductive organs have never mixed with functionalities of Digestive Organs, the Bacteria that exists in both environments are different. As a fact, even if even if one is married and there is no “Cheating” in relationship where you could say STDs can come in from outside, still Disease causing bacteria that can develop and diseases like throat cancer can be your guest. Personally I belief its love madness not indicators of one loving you truly.

    1. Most STI infections are
      Most STI infections are sexually transmitted. Some are also orally transmitted and if left untreated can cause a lot of damage.

  5. I can’t, to me ts weird,
    I can’t, to me ts weird, horrifying and yakish

    1. Thanks for sharing with us.
      Thanks for sharing with us.

  6. IF YO PENIS PRODUCE FLUID IF
    IF YO PENIS PRODUCE FLUID IF U SQUEEZE IT BUT IT DOES NOT COME OUT WAT Z DA PROB

    1. Kindly clarify your question.
      Kindly clarify your question. What do you mean by if you squeeze and fluid does not come out?

    1. Thanks for sharing Dip.
      Thanks for sharing Dip.

  7. If she goes down on me y shd
    If she goes down on me y shd I nt do the same to hr???

    1. That’s a good question and
      That’s a good question and attitude Muzamiru.

  8. Always take a bath together n
    Always take a bath together n watch porn together!

    1. Thanks for your input Joe.
      Thanks for your input Joe.

  9. The excuses I have seen why
    The excuses I have seen why not practice oral sex are just hilarious and people should improve on their adventure to spice up their love lives! Damn it

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts Joe.

  10. T meib disgusting to him not
    T meib disgusting to him not that he daent truly love u

  11. its unhealthy, no wonder
    its unhealthy, no wonder throat cancer is growing day to day

    1. As long as both partners are
      As long as both partners are healthy , then there is nothing to worry about Kim.

  12. Hygiene matters to me more
    Hygiene matters to me more that sex itself. The difference comes where men eat the inner while women eat the outer… Easy for them!

    1. Thanks for sharing that with
      Thanks for sharing that with us. Hygiene is always important.

  13. it is not good to do that
    it is not good to do that keeping in mind that nowaday there are alot of infections caused by opportunistic bacteria….just do the normal sex and with time you will be okey….mouth kiss will fulfill thesame

    1. Hi Edwin, what if both
      Hi Edwin, what if both partners are healthy, does it mean it is still bad or unhealthy for oral sex?

      1. How do you know they are
        How do you know they are healthy. They may look healthy at times but maybe that is not the case.

  14. I cant do it coz of oral and
    I cant do it coz of oral and intestinal infections

    1. Thanks Dolphene for sharing.
      Thanks Dolphene for sharing. Don’t you feel like you missing out when you don’t have oral sex?

    1. Thanks for agreeing with us.
      Thanks for agreeing with us.

  15. i would not encourage one to
    i would not encourage one to do oral sex, its not safe at al

    1. Hi Martini, what makes it
      Hi Martini, what makes it unsafe if the two people doing it are both healthy?

  16. I want to know, can oral sex
    I want to know, can oral sex cause throat cancer if da hygiene ov one or both partners z not good?

    1. Hi there, oral sex does not
      Hi there, oral sex does not cause throat cancer.

  17. My guy always goes down on me
    My guy always goes down on me and it sounds sweet,i love it

    1. Thank you for sharing that
      Thank you for sharing that with us Shiku.

  18. Guy’s I think we should leave
    Guy’s I think we should leave those experiences with our whight brothers.

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    1. What about sex do you want to
      What about sex do you want to know?

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  19. i think going down on him can
    i think going down on him can be fun but i cant allow to go down on me but av never done it since i dont knw if he likes it he has never even mentioned it to me

    1. Hi Jackline, have you tried
      Hi Jackline, have you tried talking to your partner bout it?

  20. hi there love matters I think
    hi there love matters I think nowdays sex is of more porn which isn’t real please give advices based on health and normal love making because this is how people end up gay or lesbian and we’re just straight people

    1. Thanks for your input paree.
      Thanks for your input paree.

    1. Why do you feel so Matts?
      Why do you feel so Matts?

  21. Oral sex is good for foreplay
    Oral sex is good for foreplay. My partner and i enjoy it most. At first it was hard, but with proper hygiene we picked up. Of coz u cnt jst go down on anybody…thts nasty! But with someone u cherish, and knw well health status…and share a common bond, the feeling is jst too gud, i lack adjectives and adverbs to describe it.

    1. Thanks for your input and for
      Thanks for your input and for sharing your experience.

  22. My man love tit so much bt i
    My man love tit so much bt i dont lyk it bt me i do lyk go down to him ilove it

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your experience.

  23. I concur with what frank said
    I concur with what frank said… That oral sex not right nd not healthy as where both partners are healthy or not, whether hygiene is observed or not…
    What the problem with using the reproductive organs?? Let every part of our bodies serve it’s purpose.

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us Chasty. Question is, who defines what one wants to do with their body?

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