• Making Love
• Sex Problems: how to overcome them

Desire fades quickly

By Valentine Njoroge on

I’ve been masturbating since I was 12. When I’m with my guy it’s only for minutes and the strong romance fades. I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep a man by my side if I can’t satisfy him in bed.

Aaaawww honey! You will be able to keep a man – in fact, several, if you so desire.

Endless variations…

Most people report that it is easier for them to get to orgasm while they are masturbating. It’s just you and your fantasies, after all. And only you know exactly how to touch yourself to have an orgasm. Every partner you have will need time to learn what works for you; just as you will need time to figure out what works for him. Some men love kissing, others prefer to touch, some love dirty talk… The variations might be as many as there are people.

Masturbation will not diminish your desire for sex. In fact, it may have quite the opposite effect. Some people masturbate more when they are having frequent sex, and they find it increases their desire; while others do it less because they prefer sex with a partner… As I said, there are countless variations.

Sexual chemistry

I don’t know if you have had sex with other people but you may simply not be attracted to this current boyfriend. You may like him and want to spend time with him but not want to rip his clothes off. The sexual chemistry between two people is unpredictable. The person who figures out how to create chemistry between two people will die a billionaire.

Just as instant understanding and connection are difficult to predict between friends, business partners and even family members, so it is with sexual chemistry.

Alternatively, you might simply be scared to be vulnerable and emotionally exposed which is how sex feels for many of us. If you orgasm with a partner they get to see you without that face you wear in the world and you might be resisting that feeling.

Take a break

I suggest that you give yourself a break. Each sexual encounter will not be mind-boggling and each partner will not knock your world sideways and upside down. Even when you are flying solo and giving yourself your best moves, each orgasm is different.
 

Have you experienced a lack of sexual chemistry? How did you deal with it? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Love Matters Naija and Love Matters Kenya.