Burning logs

Burning while having sex

By Tsedaniya Delnessa April 19, 06:00 am
How can sex with one partner be painless? Why does it become painful with another partner? Is it all in your head?

I was a college student when I had my first serious romantic relationship. He was a sweet and considerate guy and my first-time sex with him, while not memorable, was not full of pain. We broke up when I moved back to my hometown and he had to stay behind.

Sex started to hurt

Before I married my husband, we had lived together for three years. The sex was good, there was plenty of romance, and we spent a lot of time together. Soon, however, all that changed. I can’t say what the trigger was, or if there was one to start with. All I know is that sex was becoming a nightmare I anticipated every night.

My partner was a very sexual man. He wanted it as frequently as possible and at first, that was okay. When the unexplained pain started, I didn't give it much thought. I believed it might be an infection and would clear. I really never thought to go see a doctor because the rest of the time I was totally fine.

Not enjoyable

Foreplay was not painful. When the time came for penetration however, the burning sensation I experienced was unbearable. The longer the pain continued, the more stressed out I became.

Enjoying sex was out of the question, because, frankly, who would? I was almost always dry. I was tense because I knew what to anticipate. And worst of all, I came to hate the time when my partner wanted me to be in bed with him.

When I told my partner this at the time, he brushed it off as nothing. When the pain continued and lasted more than a year, he convinced me something was wrong with me.


He convinced me that I was lacking in sexual drive and I was making up excuses not to have sex. He also told me repeatedly that it was all in my head and I was somehow unstable. I thought that maybe he was right. I was having a reduced desire for sex and thought that was the reason my head was making excuses, translating to physical pain.

I couldn’t stand being with my partner.

Every time we were done having sex, I would rush to the bathroom to run cold water over my burning vagina. It would take hours for the pain to pass.

My partner thought I was trying to clean myself up. He thought that I was trying to wash off any residue left from sex. But all I wanted was to feel relief.

Very common

My partner and I broke up years later for unrelated reasons. It was through Love Matters that I found that pain during sex is not unheard of and not uncommon at all! I wish I had known this earlier. Maybe I would have been more prepared. Maybe I would have known how to talk to my partner. Maybe I would have known what to do and how to talk about it.

I’ve been single for a while now and I have yet to try to have sex. I keep thinking that the pain I felt all those years ago can still happen and I don’t want to put myself in that position ever again.

Have you ever experienced pain during sex that lasted a long time? What did you do about it? Tell us on Facebook (Naija and Kenya), or write us below.

Did you learn something new?

Sex can hurt for a lot of women at some point in their lives. But when pain during intercourse doesn’t go away, it’s time to get things checked out. Read this article to find out more https://lovematters.co.ke/news/when-sex-hurts .
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