Orgasm: Top Five Facts
Lucho Molina under CC licence

Orgasms: top five facts

Orgasms – they can be absolutely earth-shattering, toe-curling experiences of pure pleasure! But what if you’re really tired – should you fake it? Are there differences between men and women when it comes to climaxing? Find out all the facts!

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  1. What is an orgasm?

    When you are very aroused during sex or masturbation, you can have an orgasm (it’s also called coming or climaxing). All your muscles tense, your heart rate speeds up and you might moan or groan with pleasure. Men (and some women) cum when they orgasm. An orgasm will give you a very intense sensation of pleasure, leaving you relaxed and usually feeling satisfied afterwards.

  2. Her orgasm

    For many women, intercourse by itself isn’t enough to have an orgasm. To climax they need to have their clit directly stimulated, perhaps by rubbing or licking, Compared to the vagina, the clitoris is much more sensitive – it’s like the end of the penis.

    While it seems to be harder for women to orgasm than for men, there are some pay-offs. Women can have multiple orgasms in a very short time. Their orgasms last much longer than men’s. On average, women orgasm for 15 to 20 seconds, men for just a few seconds. But it’s also normal not to orgasm every time you try. Just stay relaxed and have fun, trying too hard won’t help!

  3. His orgasm

    When a man comes while having intercourse, he usually stops moving back and forth. At this point it’s usually too sensitive to move. After an orgasm the head of the penis, the glans, is usually very sensitive. If you touch it, it can be very uncomfortable. This is why men need some time to recover from an orgasm.

    When he ejaculates during orgasm, sperm comes shooting out of his penis at 46 kilometres an hour!

  4. Faking it…

    … isn’t a good idea. A recent study found that one in three women fake orgasms on occasion. Men do it too, but only one in four has felt the need to fake it. People don’t do it because they want the sex to be over with, or to hurt their partner’s feelings – usually quite the opposite, they want to make their partner feel good.

    But faking it regularly may mean that you’ll lose interest in having sex. And, more importantly, your partner won’t have any reason to change his or her game and make an effort to satisfy you! So be true to yourself and your partner – don’t fake it! Sex is so much fun if you don’t.

  5. Orgasms and animals

    Human are not the only ones who have sex for fun – dolphins and some apes and monkeys have sex just for pure pleasure too. And while some people will no doubt be jealous of pigs for being able to orgasm for 30 minutes straight, men will not be glad not to have been born as bees. When a male bee gets lucky with the queen, the male’s genitals snap off and explode during orgasm. How glad are you not to be a bee right now?

     

    Do you have an orgasm story you want to share. Comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.

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Recent Comments (76)

  1. i had sex two times but i
    i had sex two times but i never got one. what could be the problem ?

    1. Hi Martin,

      Hi Martin,
      the first few times, sex can be rather exciting, and you might have been too tense to get an orgasm.
      Relax and don’t worry about it- it will come.
      Have you ever had one with masturbation?

  2. Why does my spouse take too
    Why does my spouse take too long to ejaculate?

    1. Hi Laticia,

      Hi Laticia,
      how long is too long?
      Many women complain about their partner coming too fast, so they would say you are lucky.
      But having a partner go on and on forever isn’t bliss either, we know.
      Is he circumcised? That makes the penis less sensitive and it can take longer to come.
      You can try a couple of things to see if he comes faster.
      Have lots of foreplay. The more excited he is, the faster he will come later.
      Use lubrication inside and outside the condom (if you are using one, but you can also use lube without one). That can increase the sensation, especially with warming lube. Using latex-free condoms also improves sensation. And lastly, train your pelvic floor muscles by doing kegel-exercises (check our experts Valentine’s post from last week). Having a strong pelvic floor and squeezing those muscles during penetration could send him over the edge much quicker!
      Good luck!

    1. We are glad you agree,
      We are glad you agree, Hillary!

  3. I rarely climax, what can do
    I rarely climax, what can do to improve this?

    1. Hi Lesley,

      Hi Lesley,
      women have the most chance of climaxing when their clitoris is stimulated. Reaching an orgasm during normal intercourse is hard for most women. So ask your partner to go for your clitoris. You can find some tips in our ‘making love’ section.
      Good luck!

  4. I easily come wat could be
    I easily come wat could be the problem?

    1. Hi Davis,

      Hi Davis,
      coming easily isn’t a problem at all!
      If it’s so easy that you ejaculated prematurely, it could be that you are not all that experienced, and sex is still very exciting for you.
      If that’s the case, cutting down on foreplay for you might be good (but make sure your partner is ready to go), using extra strong condoms (they are thicker and can decrease sensation), or masturbating before sex. Also, stopping all movement right before you come, waiting a bit and then starting again could prolong the time you can go.
      Masturbation in general is a great way to teach yourself to go longer.

  5. Hi thanx 4 da gud work. but i
    Hi thanx 4 da gud work. but i have a quiz 4 u,when am penetrating my partner when am fully erect while caming bak and forth like 5-10mins i alwayz find my penis flabby and cant be erect again what could be the cause?

    1. Hi Mutende,

      Hi Mutende,
      thanks for your question.
      Many men at some point in their lives have problems getting or keeping an erection.
      Most importantly, if you have diabetes or heart disease or other health problems with it, please go see a doctor and describe your problem.
      If you don’t, then other factors could cause it. Are you very stressed or anxious lately? Or is there something on your mind when you are having sex? Often, erection problems are caused by emotional issues, and sometimes by medical issues. It might help to see a healthcare provider, if the problem persists.
      Also, don’t forget that you can still have fun in bed, and make sure that both of you are satisfied, either way!
      Good luck!

  6. Teach me to how to have sweet
    Teach me to how to have sweet musterbation

  7. Good job there. Your site is
    Good job there. Your site is so educating… I have learnt a lot. Keep it up.

    1. Hi John, that’s great to hear
      Hi John, that’s great to hear! We’ll keep it up!

  8. Wen a lady has an orgasm
    Wen a lady has an orgasm there is always a drop of liquid kind of kwa sheets,is that a woman’s ejaculation?

    1. Hi Denoh, either that, or it
      Hi Denoh, either that, or it’s just the woman’s wetness, the natural lubrication that makes the bed a bit wet. You can read more about women’s orgasms under the Making Love section.

  9. Thanks u i hve learnt alot
    Thanks u i hve learnt alot frm u i realy appreciate it in full.

    1. Hi Ahmed, great, we love
      Hi Ahmed, great, we love hearing that!

  10. How many organsm should one
    How many organsm should one have.

    1. Hi Austin, there is no number
      Hi Austin, there is no number. Sometimes, people won’t have an orgasm. And then, when you have sex more than once, there is more than one orgasm. And some women can even have multiple orgasms. So there is no ‘should’ it can differ from person to person and time to time!

  11. How long does it take for a
    How long does it take for a normal person to cum?, I mean first shot!

    1. Hi Humble, that rally differs
      Hi Humble, that rally differs from person to person and time to time. There is no ‘normal’. Sometimes it takes longer than other times. It can depend on age, on sexual experience, how long it’s been since you had sex, and many other factors. Sorry, we can’t give you a time- there just isn’t an exact time.

  12. My wife climaxes so fast even
    My wife climaxes so fast even during foreplay leaving me hanging! What do I do to prolong her climax?

    1. Hi Nyamba, congratulations!
      Hi Nyamba, congratulations! Many men complain that their wives take too long to orgasm. You, first of all, can make a game of it. Don’t let her climax. Get her to the edge and then stop. Do that a few times, until you are ready, too. Also, what stops you from going aft she climaxes? Having an orgasm doesn’t mean that you should stop having sex. Does this help?

  13. My wife climaxes so fast even
    My wife climaxes so fast even during foreplay leaving me hanging! What do I do to prolong her climax?

  14. How can i knw wetha my woman
    How can i knw wetha my woman is having a clitory or not? Hw can i knw wen she is having an orgasm/climaxing? Btn a man n the woman wu shd cum first?

    1. Hi Nelly, there is no rule as
      Hi Nelly, there is no rule as to who should have an orgasm first. Whatever works for you and your partner. All women have a clitoris. Some have their external part of it removed, when they have been cut (for more on female genital cutting, check our Her Body section). You can have a look, and see if the external clitoris has been removed or not. And you will notice when a woman is having an orgasm. The vagina gets tighter, she will breath more heavily, and many women make noises, like moaning. Does this answer your questions?

  15. Hae love matters, you’re
    Hae love matters, you’re doing an awesome job….keep up

    1. Hi there, thanks so much! We
      Hi there, thanks so much! We love hearing that!

  16. is it true if ur partner
    is it true if ur partner tells u she’s feelin pain during intercourse she mean it or she’s feelin gud

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,
      Why wouldn’t it be true? If she tells you it hurts, why would you think she enjoys it? Please sit down with your partner and ask her about her pain. Pain can have many reasons, why don’t you read what our sex expert valentine has to say? Check the ‘sex hurts-help!’ Article in the Valentine section
      Good luck!

  17. hi admin, thnks so much 4yur
    hi admin, thnks so much 4yur lessons,, is it bad 2use the viagra once in a while((my erection is poor))?? +i have a problem in premature ejaculation. how can this b treatd?..am so stressd. plz hlp

    1. Hi Chrix, before you use
      Hi Chrix, before you use Viagra, you should see a doctor. It’s a medication that should only be taken if there is a real indication to take it, otherwise, it can have negative effects on your health. A doctor will also be able to tell you if something is really wrong with your erection. It’d difficult to judge if anything is wrong, as you just say it’s poor. As for the premature ejaculation, there is lots you can do. First, stop stressing about it. The more you think about it, the earlier you are going to ejaculate. And you can practice. Masturbate and try to delay ejaculation for as long as possible. You can also masturbate before sex, that should curb the excitement. And you can make a game of it with your partner. Get as close to ejaculation as possible and then stop all movement until you cool down again. Do that a few times until you can’t take it anymore. Also, you can make sure your partner is already satisfied before you come. Pay attention to her clitoris during foreplay, or try oral sex. Does this help?

  18. My first time to visit this
    My first time to visit this page and am really impressed,,keep up the valuable teachings!

  19. Let’s say you have early
    Let’s say you have early ejaculation when you with your partner , but when you with someone else you take about 45 to 75 minutes to realise , wht makes tht happen ? Coz it happened to me last

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,
      before I get to your question, let me just say that I hope you are using condoms when having sex with multiple people. Otherwise you are not only putting yourself at risk, but others as well.
      As for your questions, different things trigger ejaculation. It could be that your partner is very tight, or that you have a lot of foreplay, or that you are generally more excited. Or pressured. With the other person, you might have been feeling uncomfortable. Or you were wearing a condom when you are generally not used to it. Or you have been drinking, or taking drugs.
      You see, many different possibilities. Does one of them sound like it might be the reason?
      let us know!

  20. thanx for the advice,,,y dont
    thanx for the advice,,,y dont some women moan during sex?

    1. Hi Jonte,

      Hi Jonte,
      people are different. And some women express their pleasure through moaning, others don’t. Some people are more verbal than others, some women will be really loud, and others will be quite. This doesn’t mean they are not enjoying sex. To make sure that all is good, you should ask though. Be nice about it, and tell her you want to please her even better.
      Hope this helps!

  21. Trully educating n its my
    Trully educating n its my first tym t visit.

    1. Hi Erique,

      Hi Erique,
      that’s great to hear!
      Keep coming back, we always have new and exciting stories coming up!

  22. thanks so much, this is very
    thanks so much, this is very educative

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,
      we are very glad to hear that!

  23. Why is it that when am having
    Why is it that when am having sex with my wife we decide to change style mostly dog style her virgina starts producing sound like(kunyamba)even when i remove penis then she settle she will produce that sound for 2 to3 times

    1. Hi Nash,

      Hi Nash,
      that sound is air, that was pumped into the vagina. That happens a lot during doggie style. And then, the air has to leave the vagina again, making a sound like a fart. But, that is totally normal and nothing to worry about!
      Hope this helps!

  24. Why when i play with other
    Why when i play with other ladies i dont hear that

  25. wat du u mean by oral sex plz
    wat du u mean by oral sex plz???

    1. Hi Jos,

      Hi Jos,
      check out our Making Love section, under ‘Ways to make love’ you will find more information on oral sex. http://lovematters.co.ke/resource/ways-make-love
      Generally, oral sex means stimulating your partners genitals (Vagina, penis) with your mouth and tongue. This is also called ‘going down on someone’ or, for men specifically, a blow job.

  26. lm kim, i started taking
    lm kim, i started taking alcohol (spirits) 2003 til late 2011 and also used to masterbate alot, l met a girl 2008 n since that time when l get intimate l have an early ejaculalion n cant keep an erection, what could be a problem

    1. Hi Kimanilov,

      Hi Kimanilov,
      It sounds like you are coming earlier than you would like, this often happens to young men who don’t have a lot of sexual experience because they get very aroused very easily. With more sexually experienced men, it might be due to psychological problems, like fear, stress or depression.
      Generally though go slow, enjoy the buildup of touching and caressing each other. Make time for oral sex during your physical interactions. Take time focusing on your partner as well as yourself. Communicate together about what feels nice, what doesn’t and what you would like to try together. Experiment, explore and try new things!
      Make sure to use lots of lube and switch up the fun. Even if you do orgasm you can take some time to have oral sex with your partner until your body is ready to go again. Change positions and mix it up.
      Some people say condoms help them last longer, while others may use cock rings (just make sure it is the right size and not too tight!).
      Generally just remember that sex is more than just penetration and there are lots of ways to enjoy each other.
      If you are finding that you really cannot maintain an erection then it might be time to see a doctor. There are some medical conditions that can affect your performance but would need to be looked by a professional.
      You can also keep masturbating, however challenge yourself to last longer. Go slow, feel the way your body changes when you are getting closer to climax. Tease yourself, find tricks that help you delay the finish.

  27. hi luv matters..it’s my first
    hi luv matters..it’s my first time to visit u n ur rily doing gud educationing…my quiz is,,,does masturbation have any side effects???

  28. Love matters keep up the good
    Love matters keep up the good work.i just love reading from very informative you are.

    1. Thanks so much! We are
      Thanks so much! We are flattered!

  29. i ejaculate within 3min in
    i ejaculate within 3min in first round,but 2nd and 3rd round it takes around 10mins;is this normal or their is problem?

    1. Hi Kim,

      Hi Kim,
      that’s normal! But you can train yourself to last longer.
      Generally though go slow, enjoy the buildup of touching and caressing each other. Make time for oral sex during your physical interactions. Take time focusing on your partner as well as yourself. Communicate together about what feels nice, what doesn’t and what you would like to try together. Experiment, explore and try new things!
      Make sure to use lots of lube and switch up the fun. Even if you do orgasm you can take some time to have oral sex with your partner until your body is ready to go again. Change positions and mix it up.
      Some people say condoms help them last longer, while others may use cock rings (just make sure it is the right size and not too tight!).

  30. whenever i read,watch,talk
    whenever i read,watch,talk about sex or an opposite stays closed to me or body comes contact with me i just erect?

    1. Hey,

      Hey,
      that’s also not unusual, especially if you are not very experienced or you have little sex. Have you tried masturbating?

  31. ur doin a gret job. Ur saving
    ur doin a gret job. Ur saving many marriages dt cud fail due to lack of sex education. God help u

    1. Thank you so much, Aymar!
      Thank you so much, Aymar!

  32. she says she dnt need sex in
    she says she dnt need sex in her life and i hv discovered wat z de problem

  33. Hi when ever i think of my
    Hi when ever i think of my girl friend i start coming and it’s hard for me to stop and i don’t masturbate,what could be the problem

  34. i salute u guys 4 ur advice
    i salute u guys 4 ur advice

    1. Thank you for the feedback we
      Thank you for the feedback we appreciate.

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