Keyboard and the word cyberstalking

Cyberstalking: the lover who spied on me

One in three women and one in seven men admit to hacking into their partner’s e-mail or social media accounts.

Checking call histories and following Facebook accounts are the most common ways people spy on their lovers, a recent US study found.


While half of all college students say they’ve done it or been a victim of it, women are the bigger e-spying culprits, say the researchers from East Carolina University. One in five goes as far as using their partner’s passwords to check up on them. Women are also more likely than men to think they haven’t done anything wrong.

But men are not completely off the hook.

Though fewer males say they spy on their partners, more men than women use hidden cameras and GPS to track down the location of their lovers.


Technology also makes it easier to harass someone. At least 30 per cent of all student had some experiences with unwanted online interactions that had gotten out of hand. That included getting threatening, insulting, or harassing messages or excessive phone calls from someone.


Technology use is ‘rampant’ among young adults, the researchers say. And mobile phones, text messaging, e-mail and Facebook are making it easier than ever to meet people, get to know someone and to keep the spark going when you can’t see each other for a while. But it has also become a lot easier to spy on your lover. Because it’s now so easy, for some people snooping can get obsessive.

How can you tell if your behaviour is going too far? The line between appropriate communication and unwanted spying is not always clear. Things can also change over time.

While it may be completely normal to send someone a ton of WhatsApp messages when you have just met, asking them what they have eaten or who they are with may be considered obsessive at later stages of a relationship.

So where is the line? Chances are that if a behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable, say the researchers, it will have the same effect on your partner.

Would you e-spy on your lover? Leave a comment or join the discussion on our Facebook page.

did you find this useful?

Tell us what you think

Recent Comments (4)

  1. i can’t coz if he’s willing
    i can’t coz if he’s willing to love me then go ahead nd do it…y spy me if we love each other??

    1. Very good point Angie, thank
      Very good point Angie, thank you!

  2. I can spy on her if I see
    I can spy on her if I see changes on her behavior, when one is cheating on the other it’s easy to notice, and there why not spy?

    1. Hi David,

      Hi David,
      we think that spying is never a good idea. Relationships should be all about trust and conversation, not about spying and hiding things.

LoveMatters Africa

Blush-free facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships