On-again off-again relationship: the dangers
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The dangers of on-again off-again relationships

By Sarah Moses July 23, 05:48 am
Physical violence and verbal abuse are more common in on-again off-again relationships, a recent US study found...

Think about your current sweetheart or your last relationship. If the going ever got tough, what did you do? Did you talk about the problems with your partner or did you call it quits only to decide that you couldn’t stand to be apart? 
Breaking up, getting back together, and doing it all over again might not be uncommon among young adults – almost 45 per cent have been in an on-again-off-again relationship, according to the results of the study.

Researchers asked 792 young adults aged 17 to 24 about their most recent or current relationship, including whether they’d experienced physical violence or verbal abuse.

Abuse

Half reported verbal abuse in the relationship – for example being criticised by their partner about their beliefs or appearance. For 40 per cent, physical violence, including being pushed or shoved, hit, or slapped had taken place during the relationship.

Relationship status – whether a couple was on-again-off-again, permanently broken up, or happily together – really affected patterns of abuse, the researchers found.

Being in an on-again off-again relationship had serious consequences – physical abuse was twice as likely and verbal abuse also more common compared to couples in both a stable relationship and to those that had ended their relationship for good.

The researchers also looked at what other characteristics besides relationships status were linked to abuse. Not trusting their partner was a major one, predicting both physical violence and verbal abuse in a relationship.

Dealing with conflict

Violent behaviour and verbal abuse might go hand in hand with on-again-off-again patterns if a young couple doesn’t have good communication and relationship skills. When conflict comes up, they may not know how to deal with it and small issues can blow up into something far worse, like abuse. This could also lead to a cycle of separating and getting back together.

And though young adulthood is a time of learning what works and what doesn’t with a partner, and it’s no surprise that on-again-off-again relationships are common, the abuse that seems to go along with them should be a warning sign, believe the study’s authors. Patterns of abuse and breaking up and making up, they say, might lead to problems with romantic relationships in the future.
 

Have you ever been in an on-again-off-again relationship? Tell us about your experiences. Leave a comment here or on Facebook.

Did you learn something new?

Comments
I am in relationship for an year ..my guy doesn't help at all infact I am the one who helps him a lot financially BT whenever I need help from him he always say he doesn't have... What shud I do
Hi Lucy, It sounds like you should talk about your expectations of each other. It would be important to talk it over if it disturbs you so that you are able to resolve the issue. All the best to both of you.
Hello have been in a relationship from April 2014. My girlfriend got pregnant and I took full responsibility to care for her and my child.. After 9 months she gave birth to a baby boy,of which some complications happened n the child died. I was the only person supporting her. Her parents neglected her so the whole Budden was mine.... I vowed to love her till death do us apart. She introduced me to her parents and I too introduced her to my parents. January 7th my Instincts told me something bad is happening.. So I traveled to the place she was working and found her having sex with her colleague teacher just to be organized for a Tsc job... Please advise
Hi David, Sorry that you lost your child and went through that. Being cheating on is very painful as well and it leaves on hurt and disappointed. Finding out that your partner’s been cheating on you can be a traumatic experience. It can seriously damange the trust between the two of you and could even lead to a break-up, separation or divorce. You might spend days, weeks or months wondering what you did wrong and why this happened. But don't blame yourself - take some time to calm down and think about your relationship. Whether you want to stay with your partner depends on a number of things. Is your partner willing to go on? If they are, what will it take for them to regain your trust? Will your trust in them ever be restored? How can you start rebuilding your relationship? The answers may not be simple, but give these questions some thought and it might help you decide on the right path to take. Read more here https://lovematters.co.ke/news/cheating-top-five-facts .
I've been in this relationship for now 4yrs and we even have a kid together,he falls in love with other women n I can always get them at home together,he never cares about me yet I always do care for him n even give him money as wishing to plan for the kid BT he gives the money to his women,my mind z sick because I love my son to grow up with the father but its not working out,am tired of crying every time I think of this,pliz help. Alia not real name
Finding out that your partner’s been cheating on you can be a traumatic experience. It can seriously damange the trust between the two of you and could even lead to a break-up, separation or divorce. You might spend days, weeks or months wondering what you did wrong and why this happened. But don't blame yourself - take some time to calm down and think about your relationship. Whether you want to stay with your partner depends on a number of things. Is your partner willing to go on? If they are, what will it take for them to regain your trust? Will your trust in them ever be restored? How can you start rebuilding your relationship? The answers may not be simple, but give these questions some thought and it might help you decide on the right path to take. Read more here https://lovematters.co.ke/news/cheating-top-five-facts .
Am seriously in love with dis guy bt we only have one problem.he has little tym for me bt gives me everything.Now it makes me doubt like his cheating on me
Pls there is dis guy i luv so much, though we have dated bfor bt at the process we miss each other. Bt last year(2016 january we meet again after 6month i told him my feelings. Pls is there anything bad in that? though he also text me & told me he love's me 2.bt since den dis guy has nt been calling me talkless of texing me pls what should i do? cos am madly in luv wit hiw pls any advice.
Hi Enny, Have you tried talking to him to find out why he has not been communicating? Because most of the time lack of communication indicates lack of interest.
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