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My gf is talking to her ex: should I be worried?

We have been dating for the last one year and we are in love. But I have noticed that she is talking to her ex. She says they are just friends and nothing more.

They talk almost always through call, text and I am concerned. How do I get her to drop this relationship without hurting ours? Thank you.

You should be concerned

You’re right to be concerned – although their conversations may also mean nothing at all. Because when exes say they’re ‘friends’, it usually means one of two things.

Most often, it means that they were never really in love at all, no matter how intimate they might have been. But there could also be some unfinished business going on between them.

Find out what's going on

Obviously, you want to know which of the two applies to your girlfriend. But how to find out?

The best way is to do nothing at all! Because any interest you show in your girlfriend’s ex will actually make matters worse.

She’ll start to hide her conversations from you, so you’ll lose the ability to check what’s going on.
Instead, give her the impression that you’re now completely relaxed about her conversations, say absolutely nothing more about them, and just watch. Chances are they’ll just fade away – because he's her ex for a reason!

But, if she know’s you’re concerned about their conversations, they may even intensify. There’s something deeply unattractive about a man who shows any sort of insecurity about his partner.
So behave as if you’re completely calm and confident – even if you feel awful inside. Your confidence will make you a lot more attractive to your girlfriend, and she’ll find herself comparing you more favourably to her ex.

Discuss your concerns

But what if the conversations haven’t faded away in another month or so? Now it’s time to talk about your concerns. Because if there is some unfinished business going on, the sooner you know, the better.
So ask your girlfriend directly if she still has some feelings for her ex.

Be calm, and don’t let even a hint of judgment or anger appear on your face, so that she won’t be afraid to tell you the truth.

If she does admit to some feelings for the guy, say that you’re quite prepared to step into the background for a while to give her time to sorts out her priorities.

Just saying that will probably bring things to an end. But what if she really is thinking about going back to her ex? The best thing is to accept the situation and move on, calmly and with your dignity intact.

Dealing with a partner’s ex is always extremely difficult. You’ll probably feel angry and bitter for some time. But those feelings will soon go, once you find someone new. Someone with no baggage from the past.


Do you have questions about your relationship? Head to our forum to ask our moderators about anything.

Comments
Recently,incidently I read a certain conversation between my girlfriend and her Cousin brother. She was telling him that she is aware that I love so much but she doesn't love me 100%!!She went to say that she has many options and that she is just looking for a slight mistake so as end with me.Currently,we are living under one roof in a come we stay kind of arrangement.We have been dating for one year and am thinking of marrying her but the conversation demoralised me.What am I my supposed to do?

Hey Junior, so sorry about this. You may have to talk to your partner about this conversation you saw. It is important that you clarify what you saw so that you can make a decision on how to proceed. If she no longer wants to be with you, you will have to respect her choice. Find a good time to talk with her about this so you can agree on how to proceed. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/jealousy-and-other-problems

We have been dating 4almost 5years ed we have ababy boy end I arrrlized he is stil tolking to ex wife what should I do?end thr have a child with that gal

Hey Annliz, if they had a baby together then they are likely to keep talking since they could be co-parenting the child even though they are not together. It is important that you talk to your partner about this so that he can put your concerns to rest especially if the conversations with the ex are about the baby. 

My boyfriend and i have been dating for almost a year now and recently i saw chats of him and his ex...it was all lovey dovey so i asked him and he couldn't clarify anything directly...he was actually avoiding the issue...am worried since they had never officially broken up he says they just drifted and the girl is away.... what should i do

Hi Mary, It is important that you get to know from your boyfriend exactly what is going on and what he wants. If he wants to be with you, he needs to address the relationship that exists between him and his ex including officially ending things with her. When you get to know exactly what's going on, it will help address your worries. Have a look at the following article for additional information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/jealousy-and-other-problems

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