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Can’t provide for cheating girlfriend

By Valentine Njoroge on

My girlfriend and I have been going out since high school and are now on campus. But her family can no longer provide for her – and neither can I. Now she is cheating on me with a guy from a rich family who is helping her find a job. I don’t want to lose her but I also don’t want to share her…

Now she is cheating on me with a guy from a rich family who is helping her find a job. I don’t want to lose her but I also don’t want to share her…

This must be hell

I am so sorry. Your situation sounds like a version of hell. Men are taught to provide for their women and protect them. Through circumstances that are out of your control, your girlfriend is having sex with another man and you feel that you are at fault because she has led you to believe that if you had the money to care for her then she would not be doing this.

This sucks, but frankly it is not true. There are many couples who have found themselves in your situation and they have dealt with it in different ways. For example, your girlfriend could look for a job such as waitressing or selling clothes in a shop. In the meantime you could study, graduate and find work. You could then finance her education.

Levels of commitment

It seems to me that you have different levels of commitment to the relationship and each other. You also have different values. While you understand being nice to someone who can help her get a job, you are genuinely surprised that she would use her body and sex to get the job.

There are many women who have found themselves in a similar situation but have been clear that they will not prostitute themselves for money or jobs.

Alternative sources of money

What if she gets the job and is able to finance her education and then says she can be faithful? Will you be able to forgive her and be with her? What about years from now when she gets a promotion from a male boss? Will you believe that she earned it through merit or on her back?

Permission to be yourself

Studies show that we have a higher opinion of our lovers than they have of themselves. What your girlfriend’s actions have done is dissuade you of that high opinion. She has shown what lengths she will go to for success and in so doing has hurt you, cheated on you, and betrayed your love and trust.

I am very sorry for the pain you are in, but you are allowed to end this relationship. Eventually you will find someone who shares your values and who will commit to you as strongly as you will to her. Pole sana.


Would you put up with a cheating girlfriend if you are unable to provide for her? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on our social media pages for Love Matters Naija and Love Matters Kenya.