‘This year tunamuok na ubaya bad energy stay far away yee, tunamuok na ubaya…huu mwaka ni wangu..ooh ni wangu..’ those are the lyrics to Kenyan singer, Arrowboy’s, song, ‘This Year’, which I confess is one of my top bangers for, well, this year.
For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of saying, 'This will be my year!' You may have also said:
- 'This will be the year I finally go back to school!'
- 'This will be the year I stop cheating in my relationship!'
- 'This will be the year I hit the gym and stay in the gym!'
- 'This will be my year to get married!'
- 'This will be my year to have good sex!'
- 'This will be my year to get engaged!'
- 'This will be my year to get a baby!'
We have all made promises we have no intention of keeping or have no control over. For a moment, it feels good, because it feels like we are living our life according to a plan, according to a purpose.
The new year, in a way, is the ultimate reset - a fresh page. So of course, one would be inclined to embark on reshaping their lives. Or fall in love. But you cannot plan everything. Setting a goal to improve who you are as a person is commendable, but if you are setting goals every year and not following through, then there is a problem.
Change is good
The main reason people put off change until the first and quit on them early into the year is that it’s difficult to constantly recondition yourself from a state you’ve been in the majority of your life. Even in relationships, people wait for the perfect partner to come like a magical being. The trick is to be the perfect partner. 'Sisi ndio tuko.'
- It takes intention and consistency and makes you face yourself and accept that there is something about yourself you may not like. That requires vulnerability.
- People make resolutions as a way of motivating themselves, but we are rarely ready to change our habits, particularly bad habits, and that accounts for the high failure rate.
- False Hope Syndrome: We set unrealistic goals out of view with how we view ourselves internally. This is like making positive affirmations. When you make positive affirmations about yourself that you don’t really believe, the positive affirmations not only don’t work, they can be damaging to your self-worth.
- Being better involves changing behaviors— To change a habit, you need to change the way you think, or ‘rewire’ your brain. Maybe it’s not that you do not get the right romantic partners, maybe it’s because you're not the right romantic partner.
- Do it for the right reasons: It’s important to plan for things that have deep importance to you rather than things that are expected of you or what someone else wants. What truly matters to you?
It is okay to be proactive about what you want. Recommended even. But you need to ask yourself what is important to you and why. I choose to approach it more like a year-end review of what’s gone very well and what has not, and what has exceeded my expectations, both in my business and my personal life.
From that I make key decisions on what I want to focus on, finding it more effective than the 'want it ALL and I want it NOW!' mentality. Small changes stick better because they aren’t intimidating and if you do it right, you’ll barely even notice them. Your partner will appreciate you more for it, and this year may finally, be your year.
How's your year so far? Has this been what you thought it would be?