African kids and mother in a village
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6 kind of people you will meet in shagz

It’s that time of the year again. It’s December and my mind has shut off. I am thinking of nothing else but going back home to ushago, seeing my parents, and eating without any guilt.

I also know this is the time I am to meet my beloved village love (kienyeji) and tell her that I am still working hard in town to build a future together. 

While I am excited to see her, she’s not the only one I am looking towards meeting, though. There are many relatives and as a young person navigating through the age of sexual revolution, you are bound to come through all sorts of relatives.

If you have been living in town and have forgotten the village ways. This is a gently reminder of the interesting characters you will meet:

1. The cousin who never shuts up

Be careful what sex secrets you tell this cousin because they will promise you that it’s just between the two of you, but heaven knows it’s not. They have everyone else’s secret and fetishes and they tell you and your mouth slowly forms an ‘O’ shape. That is the same reaction other people will give when they hear yours.

2. Home pastor

The home pastor has decided their chief life mission is to get you converted from your sinful ways to meeting Christ. He does not care about your beliefs; he knows better and he knows you better get saved today otherwise you will see hell and brimstone fire.

3. ‘Unatuletea mtu lini?’

Ah. The classic aunty. The aunty here is fixated on getting you married or in a long-term relationship. Woe unto you if your noisy cousin just got married, you’ll never hear the end of it. She’ll bang on and on about how time is precious, how you are not getting any younger, and how her only wish in life is to carry her grandchildren. Yet she already has seven grandchildren from her children. Relationships are complicated, take your time to not only find the right partner with whom you share values but also to be the right partner.

4. High school ex

They’ve never moved on from the fact that high school romance was just puppy love. The next time you see them approaching, take a wide berth. There is no use living in the past.

5. The rich uncle

He is the man who makes the family stick together. He throws money at problems and hopes they go away. He must be consulted in all important decisions. Make him your best friend. If not for his business skills, then for his money. The problem is that he asks for your CV and says, 'let me see what I can do.' My friend, don't even bother waiting or following up!

6. Unanikumbuka?

There is a group of relatives who do not believe you have grown up. They do not believe that you hardly remember them. When was the last time you remembered everyone you met?

‘I used to change your nappies,’ they will say. Ah. You were barely two months old, but they’ll never forgive you for forgetting that huge sacrifice.

Take-home

Home is where the heart is. Fresh air, lazing around, zero pressures from the rat race and just being with family catching up as you partake in a lot of food, especially fresh vegetables. By the time you return to the rat race, you feel like you’ve shed kilos in thoughts and gained them in weight.

Enjoy spending time with family, there is none like it. Happy Holidays!

What other types of people do you usually meet?

Did you learn something new?

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