Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

The art of complimenting your lady

My boyfriend doesn’t know how to compliment me. What do I do, because I really enjoy it? a reader wonders. Valentine responds: ‘You go, girl!’

Well, Madam, I love your question!
It does not seem like a big deal but you value this form of communication and I love that you know that about yourself and are willing to say it. The real issue is that you want to feel seen, acknowledged, and appreciated by your man. I completely get that.

Love languages

A few years ago, I read Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages. In it, Chapman argues that we each have an emotional language that we interpret as love. The languages are gifts, acts of service (such as preparing a meal or fixing a car), physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation. From your question I am guessing that your love language of choice is words of affirmation.

Understanding each others’ languages

Your particular language does not mean that you do not understand the other languages, or that you cannot express love through them. It just means that words of affirmation speak volumes to you, whereas physical touch or gifts may not. Or not as much. You will appreciate them, but it’s the compliments that make you feel particularly loved, acknowledged, and cared for.

Telling your man what you need

It’s great that you know what you want. Now, you just have to communicate it to your partner.

Try telling him how compliments make you feel and see how that works.

This will work better than telling him you want compliments or pointing out that he isn’t doing it right. When he says something you like, tell him that you feel good… that you feel loved… that you feel appreciated…

Our men love pleasing us and, most of the time, they just want to know how to do it and that they are doing the right thing. Your appreciation of his efforts will encourage him to continue with the compliments.

How do you react to compliments from your partner? If you need any help, let our discussion board moderators know.

did you find this useful?

Tell us what you think

Recent Comments (16)

  1. Ooooh yaah,its nyce to b
    Ooooh yaah,its nyce to b complimented bt if u respond openly to th
    em, they learn ua weakness nd starts breaking ua heart. even if u feel swit with thy compliments dnt show it all.

    1. Ouch, it seems like you have
      Ouch, it seems like you have really been hurt in the past, Nitty.

    2. You sounds only like nitty…
      You sounds only like nitty.
      Nothing more to it.

      1. We appreciate your…

        We appreciate your contribution.

  2. I Realy Fil Gud N Proud Wen
    I Realy Fil Gud N Proud Wen Ma Guy Tels Me Am Xmart N He Lyk Ma Hair Xtyl.I Fil Waow Aki

    1. Thanks for sharing, Nelly!
      Thanks for sharing, Nelly!

  3. How bout we guys? are ladies
    How bout we guys? are ladies not suppose to compliment us too?

    1. There is nothing wrong with a
      There is nothing wrong with a lady complimenting a man. Its all very welcome.

  4. I always feel proud when my…
    I always feel proud when my love complements on my daily appearance.. like babe U become beautiful every moment i set my eyes on you…. love u so Much my love

    1. We are happy for you Cyndy.
      We are happy for you Cyndy.

  5. Compliments from your man…
    Compliments from your man makes you feel soon confident even if the whole world thinks that you are ugly,, you wanna tell it to their face that ‘maan that’s your problem and not mine’

    1. I like the attitude. Keep…

      I like the attitude. Keep reading our articles. 

    1. Thank you for the feedback…

      Thank you for the feedback Holi.

  6. I have that sheyt of a…
    I have that sheyt of a problem,my girl wants me to make her happy,but I don’t know how and she just tells me nothing about how she feels no matter the effort I put,,I love her and she does but its like we are two different parties after all and it heartbreaks

    1. Hey Peter, i imagine this is…

      Hey Peter, i imagine this is frustrating for you. The truth however is that you are two different people, who like different things. To get to know what your partner like and for them to know what you like, takes spending quality time together and open and honest communication between yourselves. You need to share and your partner needs to share also. You may begin by finding out what your partners expectations in the relationship are, as you also share your own expectations. When you get to know what you are each looking for, you can then working on making the relationship good for you both. Check out the following article;-

LoveMatters Africa

Blush-free facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships