The art of complimenting your lady
My boyfriend doesn’t know how to compliment me. What do I do, because I really enjoy it? a reader wonders. Valentine responds: ‘You go, girl!’
Well, Madam, I love your question!
It does not seem like a big deal but you value this form of communication and I love that you know that about yourself and are willing to say it. The real issue is that you want to feel seen, acknowledged, and appreciated by your man. I completely get that.
A few years ago, I read Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages. In it, Chapman argues that we each have an emotional language that we interpret as love. The languages are gifts, acts of service (such as preparing a meal or fixing a car), physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation. From your question I am guessing that your love language of choice is words of affirmation.
Understanding each others’ languages
Your particular language does not mean that you do not understand the other languages, or that you cannot express love through them. It just means that words of affirmation speak volumes to you, whereas physical touch or gifts may not. Or not as much. You will appreciate them, but it’s the compliments that make you feel particularly loved, acknowledged, and cared for.
Telling your man what you need
It’s great that you know what you want. Now, you just have to communicate it to your partner.
Try telling him how compliments make you feel and see how that works.
This will work better than telling him you want compliments or pointing out that he isn’t doing it right. When he says something you like, tell him that you feel good… that you feel loved… that you feel appreciated…
Our men love pleasing us and, most of the time, they just want to know how to do it and that they are doing the right thing. Your appreciation of his efforts will encourage him to continue with the compliments.
How do you react to compliments from your partner? If you need any help, let our discussion board moderators know.