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Men say ‘I love you’ first

Men are often the first to say ‘I love you’ in a relationship. Almost 65 per cent of people think it’s women who first say the words, a US study found.

What a man or woman thinks when they hear ‘I love you’ depends on when the words are said.

Men don’t just say the words ‘I love you’ first, they think them first. Six weeks before women do, in fact. It’s a finding that goes against most people’s intuition. When asked, almost 85 per cent of people predict that women are the first to think they’re in love.

In 70 per cent of current relationships, it’s the men who first put their words where their thoughts are when the time comes to declare their love, the study published in ‘The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology‘ found.

Researchers weighed up six US studies to work out whether it’s men or women who say those three little words first. The resounding answer was that it’s the men. So then the researchers wondered if the words ‘I love you’ mean something different to him and her.

Sex

Almost 89 per cent of people think women are happier than men to hear the words ‘I love you’. But how a man or woman feels about their partner’s love actually depends on whether they’ve had sex yet in the relationship, researchers found.

Men who hear ‘I love you’ in a pre-sex relationship feel a lot happier than women do. But that’s only true for men with short-term sex on the brain, not those looking for a committed long-term relationship. After a couple’s already had sex, women are a little happier than men to hear the words ‘I love you’.

What the words mean

‘I love you’ means different things to men and women, the studies showed.

Men are more likely to think that when a woman says she’s in love, it’s because she’s hoping for a committed relationship.

When a woman hears the words ‘I love you,’ there’s more of a chance she thinks her partner’s only looking for sex. So when it comes to early love confessions, women are less likely to be happy about them than men – a woman might think her partner’s just trying to get her into bed.

Related: Should Women Make the First Move?

How soon is too soon?

It’s okay to say ‘I love you’ about one month into a relationship, say men who haven’t had sex with their partners yet. That’s much sooner than for women, who feel that before two or three months of a pre-sex relationship have passed, it’s too early to say the words. But once the couple’s had sex, there’s no difference between what men and women think is too soon to say ‘I love you’.

Men may be happier to hear the words ‘I love you’ from their partners lips before they’ve had sex because it could mean they’ve got a good chance of sleeping with them, reasoned researchers, since only men with short-term sex on the brain are glad to hear ‘I love you’ before the couple’s had sex.

Men looking for short-term relationships might say they’re in love early on for the same reasons – to try to boost their chances of having sex. Women probably hold off longer to avoid the risk of choosing a partner who won’t stick around after sex, the researchers concluded.
 

Who says ‘I love you’ first in your experience? Him or her? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.

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Recent Comments (61)

  1. Him coz he z th 1 wh cm up
    Him coz he z th 1 wh cm up wth tht stry f being n lv wth m

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your experience!

  2. him,bse in most cases they
    him,bse in most cases they make the first move

    1. Would you ever say it first,
      Would you ever say it first, Sarah?

  3. i dont knw or am love with
    i dont knw or am love with this girl with a kid n is way older than me bt wenever am out of her i feel down…bad n miss the moments……i don wanna lose her bt her moods these days worries me…..bt shw tells me am nt the cause..wat should i do

    1. Hi Walter,

      Hi Walter,
      have you asked her what the reasons for her mood swings are? Start there!

    1. Why do you think so, Dee?
      Why do you think so, Dee?

  4. A hv been in love wid this
    A hv been in love wid this chic whu is a gud neighbour of mine,a hv told her svral times hw much a love her bt upto date am stll strglng to find out wts running in her head,recntly she told me over da fon dt she has a bf,a was realy dsspointd n ma hat was brkn,she is stll cmng to our haos n evry time a see her a jst evn cant manage luking her strait into her eyes da way a used to,a dnt wt to do coz avoidng her isnt gona b soo easy fa me,pls hlp

    1. Hi Nelson,

      Hi Nelson,
      have you ever talked to her about this? Just ask her outright what the deal is!

  5. She said ‘i love you’ first..
    She said ‘i love you’ first…am afraid of those words so i don’t say it easily.

    1. Thanks for sharing, Romeo!
      Thanks for sharing, Romeo!

  6. av neva said i love you
    av neva said i love you neither wil i eva.love is weaknes

    1. That’s a bit sad…
      That’s a bit sad…

  7. i agree with this this
    i agree with this this article

  8. Men say”l love you”first
    Men say”l love you”first

  9. I said it first because I was
    I said it first because I was the in need,and explained to convince her why we need to be in love…..

    1. Thanks for sharing your story
      Thanks for sharing your story!

  10. Men r the one fali in luv
    Men r the one fali in luv first<3>..

    1. You think that’s always the
      You think that’s always the case, George?

    1. Do you think there could be
      Do you think there could be reasons for women to say it first, Winy?

  11. i said it first bt then she
    i said it first bt then she doubted mi…bt later on i had her say it..it was so nyc

    1. Thanks for sharing your story
      Thanks for sharing your story, Davi.

  12. i’ve never heard that or to
    i’ve never heard that or to say it

    1. You will, Lenin, at some
      You will, Lenin, at some point!

  13. He has never uttered those
    He has never uttered those words…’i love u’…but practically his actions shows soo much love for me…i love him much and i have told him ….

    1. Hi Doris,

      Hi Doris,
      have you asked him about that?

  14. According to me, this is true
    According to me, this is true. What the words mean; Women think men are just trying to get her/them into bed.

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Erick.

  15. we as men, we say first…
    we as men, we say first…

    1. Why do you think that is,
      Why do you think that is, Anthony?

  16. Hi love matters, my
    Hi love matters, my colleague said that he is in love with me and he has a family with two handsome kids… he’s bigger than me in terms of age … during his first date, he wanted to spend a night with me but I refused and he was not happy with my reaction…according to way his fellow colleague he’s not a serious guy he has a habit of fucking a girl and dumbs her… Am confused I don’t kno wat to do.. please advise

    1. Hi Esther, it sounds as
      Hi Esther, it sounds as though you already know the type of guy he is. The question is do you want to be in that kind of situation?

  17. What if he says the words…
    What if he says the words during sex

    1. Hey Kish, that’s interesting…
      Hey Kish, that’s interesting. Maybe you should clarify after sex whether he meant it.

    1. Praxides why do you think is…
      Praxides why do you think is him?

  18. Men say it first,bcoz they r…
    Men say it first,bcoz they r the ones who starts tha move

    1. Hey Darline, we appreciate…

      Hey Darline, we appreciate your contribution. However, either of the partners can initiate the move.

  19. He said it first and i felt…
    He said it first and i felt good.

    1. Thank you for sharing…

      Thank you for sharing Darline.

  20. Does it count if he says it…
    Does it count if he says it when he is having an orgasm ???

    1. Hey, perhaps you could pick…

      Hey, perhaps you could pick up this conversation after he is calm to be certain it was just not the excited of the moment but that they actually meant it.

  21. men first to say i love you
    men first to say i love you

  22. I doiknow if my wife z…
    I doiknow if my wife z cheating on me please, signs of knowin it please

    1. Hello Abdullahi collins,…

      Hello Abdullahi collins, thank you for your question. There is no way to know for sure if someone is cheating on you. The best thing you can do is try to communicate with your partner. Be honest with them about your suspicions and your feelings along with your fears. I know this can be scary to bring it up but try to just tell them why you suspect something is wrong and not just accuse them a cheater. Generally if we hold on to our thoughts you might take things the wrong way believe something without knowing if it is real or not.

  23. How do i begin when talking…
    How do i begin when talking to a beautiful lady, whenever am attracted to a woman,am trembling when trying to sweet talk to any woman, help me please

    1. Hi Abdullahi, thank you for…

      Hi Abdullahi, thank you for reaching out to us. You just have a bad case of the nerves. The good news is that you are not alone, everyone gets nervous at one point or other. To get over your nervousness, you could ask yourself “what’s the worst that could happen?” You could also prepare yourself for the conversation. While talking to a woman you could try and breath through the situation. Don’t overthink the situations, if you find yourself overthinking, then talk yourself out of the situation. The more interractions you have, the better it will get 🙂

  24. Him because it’s so good him…
    Him because it’s so good him to love and her to accept

    1. Thank you for your…

      Thank you for your contribution Anonymous and we are always here for you! Have an awesome week ahead and stay safe! 

  25. thanks, it’s good to love…
    thanks, it’s good to love your bestfriend

  26. We are glad you feel this…

    We are glad you feel this way and agree with you Atelwhobel! Please feel free to go through more of our content and let us know what you think and if you have any questions, do not hesitate to reach out! Have a wonderful week ahead and stay safe!

  27. Should I tell my bf I love…
    Should I tell my bf I love him? When I don’t know If he’s ready to say it back. He’s hard to read but at times I feel his ready others times he pulls away bc he’s got other things on he’s head. I also don’t think he’s confident enough to say it first, he has ask me if I liked him a few times now.

    1. Hi Ruby, 

      There is no harm…

      Hi Ruby, 

      There is no harm in saying you love your partner first. Some people are not very good at expressing themselves and your partner could be one of them. It’s okay to express how you feel since this could also encourage him to do the same. 

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