Looking past the pain
Break ups are hard; especially if you did everything you could in the relationship. This is doubly difficult for guys, who don’t know what to do with the negative emotion welling up inside. Is there a way past the pain?
Rock Bottom
It sucks, bro. I know, it really does. You did everything you were supposed to: you treated her with respect, you were faithful, thoughtful, always there to help… And yet she left. What makes it worse is that she gave a shifty reason for leaving: ‘I’m not ready’, ‘You’re too good for me’… There’s a whole list of possible excuses. None of it makes sense, and it hurts inside. This is what dying must feel like, no? There really is no coming back from this, is there?
So you get angry. Very angry. Suddenly, Chris Brown lyrics concerning loyalty start to ring true. You let your anger consume you, so focused on how one person hurt you that you start to regress. One of two things happens here: option one is you start to sleep around. You make it your mission to get as many notches on your belt as possible. This could be to mask the pain that you feel inside, the sex acting like a drug that helps you forget for a time. Worse still, this could be to inflict pain on the unsuspecting women. She hurt you so it’s only fair that you make others feel like you do, right?
The second option could be you close yourself off to women completely. You swear never to make the same mistake again, never to trust a woman again, never to love a woman again. So you find a way out of any situation that shows promise, you self-sabotage to maintain the status quo. She can’t hurt you if you don’t let her in, right?
Rebuild
The truth is, it’s OK to be angry. You trusted this person, and she strung you along. She didn’t tell you the truth before you got emotionally invested, she could’ve saved you the trouble and just said no. It’s OK to be angry, but it’s never OK to be mean. It’s not OK to take what you’re feeling out on other women who have nothing to do with your ex. It’s not OK to jeopardize your future happiness because of someone’s past mistakes.
This is a sticky situation for guys to be in. You’re hurting, but you don’t feel like you can talk to anyone. After all, guys aren’t supposed to get hung up if a woman decides to leave them. Guys aren’t supposed to show weakness. On to the next, right? It’s not that simple. All human beings experience the same range of emotions, regardless of gender. So you’re not less of a man for feeling sad, betrayed or angry. Own up to what you’re feeling, let it build you into a better version of yourself.
The easiest way to do this is to talk to a friend. If you think that this person will laugh if you tell them, chances are you shouldn’t be calling that person your friend. You’d be surprised what could happen if you share: we’re all due at least one gut-wrenching heartbreak in life, so chances are your friend will empathise and help. The first step to fixing any problem is admitting that you have one, and voicing it is a major step. So guys, talk to someone. You owe it to yourself to deal with your anger in a positive way. Your future self and future partner will be glad that you did.
How have you gotten over heartbreak in a positive way? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.
Tell us what you think
Recent Comments (67)
It is so hard 2 love someone
It is so hard 2 love someone and it is so hard 2 4 get about someone you love but just accept the situation you are in learn 2 say thank you 2 him/her when she/he cut you off it will be irresistable pain but i promise you will get over it just learn 2 let it go and say i am better without him/her and i will find the right one when the time is right…..
Hi Trumpe,
Hi Trumpe,
so sorry you had to go through this! We hope it won’t happen in your next relationship!
In real u av to accept the
In real u av to accept the fall en pik urself up,with or without u gonner push ur wheel of life forward..by 4getting the past positevly makes u whole again…jus push…..them in the boxes of fake frogs u av ever kissd…
Thanks so much for your input
Thanks so much for your input, Kelvin! Keep up this positive attitude!
I wish it was as easy as you
I wish it was as easy as you make it sound.
I wish it was
I wish it was
We wish it was too Ann and…
We wish it was too Ann and Betty, but healing takes time. The good thing is that once healed, you come out stronger and more experienced as a person and you will have learned from your past experiences.
some women realy suck. there
some women realy suck. there is this woman who gave me all the positive signs tht she loved me only to realise that she was jst kiddin & only enjoyed my company. nothing more. it realy gave me a heartbreak.
Aww, so sorry to hear that,
Aww, so sorry to hear that, John! We hope the next one will be nicer and more honest!
if such, encourage yourself
if such, encourage yourself by saying we were not meant to be together to get urself over…There is always light at d end of the tunnel?
Well said, Grave, we agree!
Well said, Grave, we agree! It’s always better to have it end once and for all, then dragging on in a non-functional relationship.
Have gone through the same
Have gone through the same situation really hurting but life has to go on……………..
Hi Joseph,
Hi Joseph,
that’s the best attitude! Let’s hope you won’t have to go through it again!
never say die,wen you fall
never say die,wen you fall pik urself up ed
continue hoping
Hi Joram,
Hi Joram,
that’s a great approach! Keep it up!
Hi Joram,
Hi Joram,
that’s a great approach! Keep it up!
What av never understood is
What av never understood is why someone just does that, why?
Really good question, Kay!
Really good question, Kay! And extremely difficult to answer. In fact, we don’t have an answer!
So sad, it also happen to us.
So sad, it also happen to us. men men men!!. why can a man waste a lady? he said he is not ready without reasons. is their somethng he is hiding?
Ah, Lydiah, the good old ”I
Ah, Lydiah, the good old ”I’m not ready to be in a relationship” excuse. Most often, there is something else going on…
i got the’am not ready for a
i got the’am not ready for a rship’ today coz he is broke as if i ever complained…Wat could he be hidding??
love sucks, its just bullcrap
love sucks, its just bullcrap, stay away from it.
Awww, John, it looks like you
Awww, John, it looks like you recently got hurt. Pole sana! But thankfully, time heals (most) wounds, and you will be fine and ready to love again! Fingers crossed!
It realy hurts to break up
It realy hurts to break up with someone and it hurts the most when someone breaks up with u.it is so painful..but if you have to be avictim,take tym 2 mourn first b4 engaging yourself in another relationship.dont be in ahurry to revenge.you can be jumping from afrying pan 2 the fire.so my friend take time.
Lonicah,
Lonicah,
that’s great advise! Thanks for sharing!
Always have an answer
Always have an answer inadvance for any challange that might occur even before it occurs,that way youll be in good position to pick up and move on incase of breakup,you wont get depressed.Always be ready like a soldier.
Hi Ronny,
Hi Ronny,
that sounds like a great approach! Thanks for sharing it with us!
I left my ex for some reasons
I left my ex for some reasons, ad got into the wromg realationship nw I miss my ex coz av realised it was a true love . Its nt. Easy for me to forget my ex av tried nimeshidwa coz he also loves me up to date but has onther woman. what shld I do
Hi Cate,
Hi Cate,
I am so sorry that you have had your heart broken. It can be a really difficult thing when you loved someone and now it is no longer. People invest time, emotions and caring into others and make plans in the future but then suddenly it all disappears.
There is no way to cure a heartache, it really just takes time. Make sure to spend a little of time being sad, because it’s important to honor your feelings, but then there is a point where you need to start doing something else. You need to start spending some time working on you. Find a hobby, work harder at work, go to the gym, do that thing you have been talking about for months but haven’t. Spend time with family and friends go out.
The idea is that you need to fall in love with yourself a bit. Not only will this help you in other areas of life but when people are happy and confidant they are attractive to new partners. When you are happy people will be lining up around the block to be apart of it and join in with you. That way you can start to find a new partner that will be better suited for you and love you the way you deserve to be loved.
Breakups hurts.moreso if you
Breakups hurts.moreso if you have been in arelationship for so long and someone leaves you without agenuine reason.maybe you were never meant to be together.so dont over react by maybe cutting your life short,fighting,drinking,using drugs or start hooking up carelessly because with time you will go over it and you will get your patner whom you were meant 2 b together.so take your time.
Hi Gashu,
Hi Gashu,
that’s some good advice and insight! Thanks for sharing!
It really reminds of the pain
It really reminds of the pain have gone through somedyz back but I thank God am gud now.
Hi Oliver,
Hi Oliver,
good for you for getting through it, well done!
waah i dnt know wat 2 say but
waah i dnt know wat 2 say but anyway i jst broke up thou was nt given any reasons by him buh anatha thin is i cud nt be like his ex en friends(they appearance) it hurts me alot its been 2yrs buh ave planned 2 move on buh he asked if i cud still be his friend,,,,,,how now???
Hi Nicy,
Hi Nicy,
you need to figure out what you want. Don’t base your actions on anybody but yourself. Do what makes you happy and what you think is good for you.
waah i dnt know wat 2 say but
waah i dnt know wat 2 say but anyway i jst broke up thou was nt given any reasons by him buh anatha thin is i cud nt be like his ex en friends(they appearance) it hurts me alot its been 2yrs buh ave planned 2 move on buh he asked if i cud still be his friend,,,,,,how now???
Love Is like a poison man,i
Love Is like a poison man,i Will love again i know but Never to give it my all,i left all the ladies who came to me only to have her but she paid me badly,.never to trust again
Hi Tom,
Hi Tom,
aww, it sounds like you have been hurt too many times. But trust is really important for a relationship to function.
it hurts & 2 4get aint that
it hurts & 2 4get aint that easy
. try get busy coz thats the only way i’ll get her of ma mind
That’s a good point, Getuno.
That’s a good point, Getuno.
av passed through da sem 2
av passed through da sem 2 weeks ago a wz left buh ma gal wth no reason n am stil suffering bt lyf av tw go on
And two weeks is a very short
And two weeks is a very short time… You will be fine, Petero!
Sometimes you have to move on
Sometimes you have to move on
without certain people . If they
are meant be in your life… They
will CATCH UP. Insecurity is an ugly thing..it makes you hate innocent people. Know when to let go ! Don’t try to stretch a season into a lifetime.
Everybody doesn’t deserve a
response. Walking away from
nonsense does NOT mean you’re
weak! It means you are civilised
enough to hold your peace.
Every story has an end. ..but in
life every end is a new beginning.
Very well said, Beryl! Thanks
Very well said, Beryl! Thanks for sharing!
breakup hurts bt u should put
breakup hurts bt u should put God in ua relationship.sorry men
I got married 2yrs ago ma haz
I got married 2yrs ago ma haz has his ex who happens to hav his child I went to visit my parents for three wks en I came back I realised tht thy were together en she waz pregnant for him again,then decided to get rid of the pregnancy bt still were2gether to an extend of coming to my house while am not arnd.I dnt know wht went wrong b2n them en now thy r not in good terms my haz came to ask for forgiveness I did so bt am still hrt what shud I do ?
Ouch Julia, so sorry to hear
Ouch Julia, so sorry to hear this is what you are going through!
Forgiveness needs time. And you need to be ready to forgive. Take some time to find out if he is really going to be better from now on. He needs to make some commitments to you, and stick to them. Don’t hurry this- you can take all the time you need!
When my ex broke up with me,
When my ex broke up with me, I felt like my world was crumbling down. I cried for nights with so much pain in my heart. But then after all the crying, I realised I had to move on cuz I no longer ment anything to him. So I started spending more time with my friends & family & I also took a trip n it worked. am healing but am taking my time before letting a new person in. and when am finally ready, I wont give that person all of me. They say, the best revenge u can give that person, is letting them see u happy even after they caused u pain.
Hi Jenny,
Hi Jenny,
thanks for sharing your story and your insights with us! Very well said!
today this words were pushed
today this words were pushed to me in txt,am not ready coz am broke,esif i ever complained…wat could he be hidding??
Hi Dolly,
Hi Dolly,
we really don’t know what he could be hiding. You need to talk to him, and get the answers from him. You can do it! Good luck!
when you love someone deeply
when you love someone deeply in your heart it’s very painful when that person hurts, but you have to a accept and let it go
Thanks for your insights,
Thanks for your insights, Snaider, wlll put!
it’s better 2 say the truth
it’s better 2 say the truth,if u lv sombdy
Yep, we agree Mato!
Yep, we agree Mato!
Glad i read this,jst glad.
Glad i read this,jst glad.
Hi Evans, we are glad to hear
Hi Evans, we are glad to hear that!
Am also nursing wounds but
Am also nursing wounds but really cant forget abt th guy
Hi there,
Hi there,
I am so sorry that you have had your heart broken. It can be a really difficult thing when you loved someone and now it is no longer. People invest time, emotions and caring into others and make plans in the future but then suddenly it all disappears.
There is no way to cure a heartache, it really just takes time. Make sure to spend a little of time being sad, because it’s important to honor your feelings, but then there is a point where you need to start doing something else. You need to start spending some time working on you. Find a hobby, work harder at work, go to the gym, do that thing you have been talking about for months but haven’t. Spend time with family and friends go out.
The idea is that you need to fall in love with yourself a bit. Not only will this help you in other areas of life but when people are happy and confidant they are attractive to new partners. When you are happy people will be lining up around the block to be apart of it and join in with you. That way you can start to find a new partner that will be better suited for you and love you the way you deserve to be loved.
i loved her wth al ma hrt bt
i loved her wth al ma hrt bt later she left me,saying tht her parent was agaist th rshp.Later i realisd tht she has onthr guy.I alwys dream with her.. so hrting.Av tried 2 4gt hr bt nt wkng..Wat wil i do??..
Hi Titus,
Hi Titus,
I am so sorry that you have had your heart broken. It can be a really difficult thing when you loved someone and now it is no longer. People invest time, emotions and caring into others and make plans in the future but then suddenly it all disappears.
There is no way to cure a heartache, it really just takes time. Make sure to spend a little of time being sad, because it’s important to honor your feelings, but then there is a point where you need to start doing something else. You need to start spending some time working on you. Find a hobby, work harder at work, go to the gym, do that thing you have been talking about for months but haven’t. Spend time with family and friends go out.
The idea is that you need to fall in love with yourself a bit. Not only will this help you in other areas of life but when people are happy and confidant they are attractive to new partners. When you are happy people will be lining up around the block to be apart of it and join in with you. That way you can start to find a new partner that will be better suited for you and love you the way you deserve to be loved.
to me alikatia dame then dame
to me alikatia dame then dame akachukua phone no yangu akanitusi Bt he tells me he love me Bt most wkds that lady hunitusi Sana ati wamespend aye wkd bt when I ask anasema niuongo sijui nido nini nijue ukweli help
Hi there,
Hi there,
you need to talk to your partner. Unfortunately, we can’t tell you what’s going on. Communication is one of the most important aspects in every relationship. If you do it well, it will make your relationship stronger. Now it’s time to practice!
It’s very hard to believe…
It’s very hard to believe and forget coz at times she gave you everything you desired to have in any relationship but after a while she goes. The fact is life must continue without her, look for where it started raining on you correct the mistakes improve then look for another one #let them go
Hey Shem, thank you for your…
Hey Shem, thank you for your contribution.
quite sad bt in every…
quite sad bt in every situation concerning love matters its good u lern to accept nmove on wth life
Thank you Immaculate for…
Thank you Immaculate for your contribution. Indeed, life has to move on.