Looking past the pain
Break ups are hard; especially if you did everything you could in the relationship. This is doubly difficult for guys, who don’t know what to do with the negative emotion welling up inside. Is there a way past the pain?
It sucks, bro. I know, it really does. You did everything you were supposed to: you treated her with respect, you were faithful, thoughtful, always there to help… And yet she left. What makes it worse is that she gave a shifty reason for leaving: ‘I’m not ready’, ‘You’re too good for me’… There’s a whole list of possible excuses. None of it makes sense, and it hurts inside. This is what dying must feel like, no? There really is no coming back from this, is there?
So you get angry. Very angry. Suddenly, Chris Brown lyrics concerning loyalty start to ring true. You let your anger consume you, so focused on how one person hurt you that you start to regress. One of two things happens here: option one is you start to sleep around. You make it your mission to get as many notches on your belt as possible. This could be to mask the pain that you feel inside, the sex acting like a drug that helps you forget for a time. Worse still, this could be to inflict pain on the unsuspecting women. She hurt you so it’s only fair that you make others feel like you do, right?
The second option could be you close yourself off to women completely. You swear never to make the same mistake again, never to trust a woman again, never to love a woman again. So you find a way out of any situation that shows promise, you self-sabotage to maintain the status quo. She can’t hurt you if you don’t let her in, right?
The truth is, it’s OK to be angry. You trusted this person, and she strung you along. She didn’t tell you the truth before you got emotionally invested, she could’ve saved you the trouble and just said no. It’s OK to be angry, but it’s never OK to be mean. It’s not OK to take what you’re feeling out on other women who have nothing to do with your ex. It’s not OK to jeopardize your future happiness because of someone’s past mistakes.
This is a sticky situation for guys to be in. You’re hurting, but you don’t feel like you can talk to anyone. After all, guys aren’t supposed to get hung up if a woman decides to leave them. Guys aren’t supposed to show weakness. On to the next, right? It’s not that simple. All human beings experience the same range of emotions, regardless of gender. So you’re not less of a man for feeling sad, betrayed or angry. Own up to what you’re feeling, let it build you into a better version of yourself.
The easiest way to do this is to talk to a friend. If you think that this person will laugh if you tell them, chances are you shouldn’t be calling that person your friend. You’d be surprised what could happen if you share: we’re all due at least one gut-wrenching heartbreak in life, so chances are your friend will empathise and help. The first step to fixing any problem is admitting that you have one, and voicing it is a major step. So guys, talk to someone. You owe it to yourself to deal with your anger in a positive way. Your future self and future partner will be glad that you did.
How have you gotten over heartbreak in a positive way? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.