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Asexuality: I am not interested in sex, at all!

If you’re asexual you’re not interested in having sex. It could also mean that you’re not attracted to anyone.

Asexuality is more about not having a desire to have sex, rather choosing not to have sex.

What is asexuality?

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone or low or lack of interest in sexual activity.

People who are asexual are born that way, and there is no way to ‘fix’ or ‘cure’ them. Asexuality is not a choice. Others know from an early age while some will know after the first few sexual encounters.

There are different categories of asexuality. Some people consider themselves as ‘gray asexual,’ which means that they occasionally experience sexual attraction. There are also ‘demisexuals’, who only feel sexually attracted to people with whom they have a close emotional bond.

What causes it?

There is no known cause for asexuality. It’s neither a mental nor a physical illness. It’s also untrue that asexual people have been sexually or otherwise abused, or that they are closeted homosexual people.

Most people who are asexual are perfectly happy with the way they are. Being asexual doesn’t change anything about a person’s behavior, other than their sexual behavior. And there’s no way of telling whether or not someone is asexual by looking at them.

Do asexual people enter relationships?

Some asexual individuals feel attracted to others and want to be in relationships; just without it getting sexual. Others don’t feel attraction or don’t want any type of relationship.

Asexuality is only the lack of sexual desire. That doesn’t mean they don’t fall in love. Two asexual people can definitely fall in love – or crave emotional, rather than physical, intimacy.

In fact, there are many asexual couples that live completely regular lives in terms of relationships – just like heterosexual or homosexual couples. They just prefer not to have sex and may treat their relationship as ‘love without sex’.

Do they get aroused?

Asexual people, like others, have fully functional genitalia. They are capable of achieving orgasm and being intimate.

Some asexual people get aroused regularly, without the arousal being directly related to wanting sex with somebody else. Others masturbate occasionally, while some feel no arousal at all.

Nevertheless, some asexual people do have occasional sex. The reasons for this are varied, but it could be for example that they want to have a child.

Others are sex-repulsed – that sex can make them very, very uncomfortable, and even the thought of sex can make them feel sick.

Are asexuals celibate?

If someone decides not to have sex for personal reasons, or due to religious and cultural beliefs, they are celibate.

Being celibate is different from being asexual because it’s a choice. People who are celibate do feel sexual desire and sexual attraction towards others, but decide not to act on them.

Not all asexual people are actually celibate. Some people who are asexual do have sex. Many asexual people have partners and relationships, and some have sex with their partners – they might do it just to please their partner, or because they want to have a child.

Dating someone who’s asexual

There are many types of relationships, and asexual people can absolutely be in relationships. There are romantic non-sexual relationships, which include cuddling and kissing but not intercourse. On the other hand, there are aromantic non-sexual relationships. While these relationships are built on commitments, they don’t have any romantic or intimate component.

Whatever the case, the most important thing in all relationships is communication. You should talk to your partner about personal boundaries and make sure you are both very open and honest. Try to get to know each other and figure out what you both want and need out of a relationship – only in this way can you find out if you are compatible.