• Sexual Diversity
• Sexual Orientation

Are you a demisexual?

By Love Matters Kenya on

Times have changed and so has our understanding of the wide spectrum of sexual orientation. We no longer confine ourselves to merely heterosexuals or homosexuals.

Demisexual is a type of sexual orientation. Our sexual orientation describes who we are attracted to.  

A demisexual person develops a sexual attraction towards someone after they make a strong emotional bond. These people have a limited number of people to whom they are attracted.

What this means is that demisexual people will not immediately develop a sexual attraction to someone they’ve just seen at the market or met on a bus. For most people, the immediate sexual attraction to people they’ve just met is solely based on physical attraction. For demisexuals, this is only experienced after forming an emotional bond with the person.

Once a demisexual develops sexual attraction toward someone they may choose to have sex with them or not.

To be clear, the emotional bond formed does not necessarily have to be romantic, it could be a friendship.  

First, this may start to feel like any type of sexual attraction. It is not. Many of us experience an emotional connection with people before having sex. This is true; however, the difference is that for demisexual people, it is not all about sex. It is about sexual attraction to specific people.

It is possible to be actually attracted to someone even if you’re not having sex with them. The opposite is true.

An important thing to note is that the fact that an emotional bond has developed does not mean that sexual attraction will develop as well.

You can be both gay, straight, bisexual, trans, and other sexual orientations and still be a demisexual.

The time it takes to develop the emotional bond is different for everyone. For some, it takes a few bonding sessions for the emotion to develop but for others, it can take a longer period of time.

There are other orientations that share similarities with demisexual. The major similarity is that these groups also have a limited number of people that they are attracted to. Here are two examples:

Asexuality: If you’re asexual you’re not interested in having sex. It could also mean that you’re not attracted to anyone. Or the attraction is not of a sexual nature.

Sapiosexual: Someone who is attracted to intelligence or the mind of someone else. These people are attracted to intelligent people.

Are you a demisexual? Talk to us in the comments section.