• Making Love
• Sex Problems: how to overcome them

Sex makes me nervous

By Rose Odengo on

Karen is nervous about having sex. To ‘deliver’, she feels that she has to be some kind of Kama Sutra Queen. But then scared Karen becomes calm Karen.

‘I walked into a book store a few years back and came across a section of sex books. I saw the Kama Sutra and it fascinated me so I flipped through a few pages. But I walked away without buying it and didn’t really think much about it afterwards.’

The floodgates

‘Then the floodgate opened. My married and sexually-dissatisfied friends started to ramble on about their ‘one-minute men’. They told me how they had to take charge in the bedroom because their men ‘couldn’t get it up’.

‘Soon it seemed that every radio station I tuned into and every magazine I opened, there was something about being great at sex.’

Enter George

‘Then I met George. I was thrilled and over the moon. It had been two years since I last dated. But when we made out for the first time, I panicked.

‘It dawned on me that it was soon going to be sex. And I am human and my loins were yearning.

But the negative discussions I had had friends were now causing me sleepless nights. Sex stopped being something I looked forward to. It became something I dreaded.

Everyone has their rhythm

‘Four months in, I had begun to warm up to the idea of sex with George. But I wanted to get it right. I know everyone has their rhythm. I needed to find mine. I bought some sex toys and a book about the Kama Sutra.

‘By the fifth page, I was having another panic attack. It was too much for me to take in. I shut the book and threw away the sex toys. I laid in my bed, bug-eyed and fed up.

‘I didn’t call George for three days. He began to think he had done something wrong. I eventually called him back to apologise and we met the next day for coffee. He could clearly see I was nervous. I managed to avoid talking about my state of mind.’

Let it come naturally…

‘A few days later George called me and we had another date. For some reason I dressed up and, to my surprise, it was a fancy restaurant dinner. George made me feel really comfortable. After dessert, we drove to his place. I was so nervous. I remember tripping on my way into the house. He offered me a cup of tea. I obliged and sat down on the sofa nearest the door. I was ready to make a run for it at any time.

‘As we sat and had tea, George asked me what I was so nervous about. I managed to tell him. He gently held my trembling hand and kissed it softly and steadily moved to my lips. He whispered in my ear and told me, ‘Don’t worry about anything. Let it come naturally to you. Show me and I’ll show you. It will be fine.”‘

What sex is really about

‘That night, scared Karen became calm Karen. I still do get nervous at times, but I now realise that sex isn’t about what the world says. Sex is about you and the person you are with – and what you do to make sure you are both at ease and happy.’
 

Have you had to overcome self-created pressure? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Love Matters Naija and Kenya.