• Making Love
• Sex Problems: how to overcome them

Premature ejaculation: what women really think

By Sarah Moses on

Women are far less concerned than men when it comes premature ejaculation. Here’s a hint: good sex is not all about how long it lasts. For women, at least.

A couple’s problem

When a man has an orgasm fast and can’t really control when it happens – and if that’s a problem for both him and his partner – it’s called premature ejaculation, or PE.

First and foremost: PE is not just the guy’s problem. Instead, it’s the couple’s issue. After all, the timing and control of ejaculation are never really a concern when a guy is masturbating.

It’s pretty clear that PE can have a major impact on a man’s sex life and relationship. But there’s not been a lot of research on how women feel when their guy climaxes too fast.   

Do women think it’s an issue?

That’s why an international team of researchers figured the time had come to ask women for their thoughts on this sexual problem. The team recruited almost 1500 participants from Mexico, Italy, and South Korea. All of the women had partners who suffered from PE. The researchers wanted to know if these women felt like their guy’s speedy climaxing was a problem, and if so, why.

They also asked them how long sex should last and what made it good.

23-minute sex

Forty per cent said it was really important for a guy to be able to control his orgasm, the researchers found. For one in five women, their guy’s PE made them unhappy.

But the reason for their unhappiness might come as good news for guys dealing with this problem. It wasn’t the length of intercourse or lack of control that was the most common cause of frustration. Instead, it was the fact that their partner was so focused on lasting longer, that he pretty much neglected her in bed! This turned out to be especially important for women who had trouble reaching orgasm.

How long did the women want intercourse to last? Twenty-three minutes, please. Well, nobody said 23 minutes in so many words, but that was the average length of time they considered ideal, not including foreplay. They said this was enough time to feel really close to their partner, and also to reach orgasm.

Variety and creativity

The women – who came from very different cultures – agreed that good sex was not just about intercourse.

Almost 70 per cent said variety and creativity in bed were what counted, compared to about 45 per cent who felt that the length of intercourse was important.

A partner who’s good in bed focuses on kissing, caressing, and other kinds of stimulation, the women said. So when a guy’s so wrapped up in just pumping away for as long as he can, he can end up not paying attention to his partner at all. And that can make for pretty lacklustre sex.

It seems that how long intercourse lasts is a bigger deal for men than for women, say the researchers.


Source: Burri, A., Giuliano, F., McMahon, C. & Porst, H. (2014). Female partner’s perception of premature ejaculation and its impact on relationship breakups, relationship quality, and sexual satisfaction. Journal of Sexual Medicine 11(9).

Does it matter how long intercourse lasts? Or is it more about the whole sex experience? Leave a comment here or on Facebook.