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Alphonce Omondi

Into different positions. Wife is not.

By Valentine Njoroge August 31, 11:07 am
My wife seems to not be enjoying varieties of sex positions. What can I do? I am beginning to lose interest in sex. But I don't want to give up on her.

Well, this is challenging. Do I suggest that you push your wife past her comfort zone, just so you can be happy? Or should I suggest that you get used to boredom even though few things are worse than boring or lazy lovers?

Don't get used to boredom

A recent survey by Durex condoms shows that 67 per cent of people want to act out a fantasy or sex game, but only 40 per cent ever do it, and 28 per cent people said they were too shy to share their ideas. You are one of the courageously adventurous. And that is commendable. So no, I will not suggest that you get used to boredom.

Find out what the problem is

Well done for identifying and expressing your needs. Now to convince your wife…  

It seems to me that you don't know why she does not enjoy variety. Might she be in pain? Some positions such as rear-entry, allow for deeper penetration and, if you are well-endowed or she is not well-lubricated, sex can be painful. Perhaps she has gained weight recently and she is self-conscious about what she looks like naked in certain positions – such as with woman-on-top?

All I can do is guess, but you can speak to her.

Let her know what turns you on about various positions: is it the visual effect? Does her body respond differently to different positions?

Talk to her

Don't mention your growing lack of interest in sex. Instead, remind her of a particular time when you tried various positions and how that turned you on. Tell her you would like to revisit that and wonder out loud why it doesn’t happen more often. Then be quiet and let her jump in with her thoughts. Let her know what turns you on about various positions: is it the visual effect? Does her body respond differently to different positions? Do you feel more powerful in any position?

Sometimes we are shy or we allow ourselves to get a little lazy when it comes to sex, and we assume that everything will be okay.

Hearing that our partner desires us and variety can drag us out of that rut.
 

Have you talked to your partner about your desires? How did it work out? Share your experiences! Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook where you can find us at Love Matters Naija and Love Matters Kenya.

Did you learn something new?

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