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Coming too soon?

My girl always climaxes after about 20 minutes before I have climaxed. Is it normal for a girl to climax that quickly or is it fake?

That is an unusual question; usually, it’s guys who have premature ejaculation issues. However, there are cases where women also finish too quickly. However, many are able to go on and on as women are capable of multiple orgasms, unless, it’s a clitoral orgasm, in which case the clitoris would be hypersensitive making it difficult for the woman to continue.

Back to the question at hand, however, this could be either of two things: one, you are trying to show off your alleged sexual prowess; two, you are two very unique individuals, who take quite long to get to a sexual peak – longer than most average couple.

Let me start by responding to the former; during my many years as a sexpert, I have come across many people, especially men, who often tend to brag and exaggerate on their bedroom exploits. This, unfortunately, leads to misinformation about what normal and healthy sex is about. Some take dangerous, drastic, and desperate measures in attempts to measure up.

It’s not my intention to tell you off, but I feel strongly about these misconceptions, which must be corrected for the benefit of all. I know there are many young men with insecurities because guys out there keep bragging of superhuman abilities such as going seven or more rounds in a night, while their compatriots can only manage one or two at the most. In this case, when you talk about 20 minutes of lovemaking while many young people suffer from premature ejaculations, this might make them feel less manly.

According to a survey conducted on 50 full members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, sex, excluding foreplay, lasts between three and seven minutes on average. Given the intensity and the passion of the moment, most actually think it lasts between 10 and 20 minutes. Some people will argue that those are ‘Western’ statistics that are not applicable in Africa, but I will tell you we are probably the same if not worse.

Do you know how long 20 minutes are? The great Kenenisa Bekele of Ethiopia holds the world record for the 10,000 meters, at a time of 26 minutes and 17 seconds. That is going round a track of 400 meters a whopping 25 times! I rest my case.

Having said that, there are rare situations where individuals have mastered the art of delayed gratification and can last for up to 20 minutes of sexual intercourse. It’s rare, for a couple to take that long together. Usually, one partner requires a longer time while the other partner takes a shorter time to climax. In your case, since it’s your woman who takes a shorter time, maybe you two could spend more time on foreplay before penetration.

It would also help a great deal if you both understood the four stages of sex: namely, excitement, full arousal, orgasmic, and finally, refractory phases. Your case seems to be engaging in sex at the full arousal stage only. At the excitement phase, you are bound to take longer, which will delay gratification for both of you.


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Did you learn something new?


Hi Kolo, the anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men, it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation.

There are a few things you can do to improve control and last longer. In the short term, you can take short breaks during intercourse, you can also apply firm pressure underneath the penis during intercourse to push blood out of the penis hence decreasing sexual tension, distract yourself to think about other non-sexual things, or use penis desensitizers. Penis desensitizers come in the form of sprays and creams that can be applied on the penis minutes before intercourse and they help to delay ejaculation. Sometimes a condom can help reduce the sensitivity of the penis. 

In the long term, one can ensure they eat healthily and avoid lots of processed foods, begin to exercise which improves blood flow in the body, reduce or eliminate the use of alcohol including smoking and more importantly reduce stress during intercourse. Foreplay will also play a critical role in preparing your partner and getting them closer to an orgasm.

The following articles provide more information;-

Love Matters Team.

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