Is there such a thing as rape in marriage?
Can someone be raped by their spouse? And where do you draw the line between sexual privacy and rape within a marriage?
‘There’s no such thing as rape in marriage. A woman’s body is supposed to satisfy her husband whenever he wants; and if she’s not willing to, she can’t blame him for getting sex elsewhere.’
These were the words of my Chemistry teacher at an all-girls Catholic private school. At the time she threw a bunch of bible verses at us to support this claim.
I was confused and, even at that time, pretty sure this was a false notion. I didn’t have any backup bible texts or any other facts for that matter. Just a clear sense of what was right.
‘But what if, I, as the wife, am feeling unwell or tired and just not up to having sex?’ I asked.
‘Oh, you’re going to be one of those “I have a headache”-women aren’t you? Take a painkiller and perform your role as a wife!’ she shouted, and the whole class erupted in laughter.
‘Even if we’ve fought and are mad at each other? Am I not allowed to not want to have sex? Wow. That sounds terrible.’
‘Look class, like I said, if you are withholding your husband’s matrimonial rights, don’t be upset when another woman is keen to offer what you can’t.’
That’s how the first discussion I heard on marital rape was concluded.
Appallingly, nearly fifteen years later, I keep hearing my teacher’s words echoed in many other people’s voices. Especially women.
My stance on this hasn’t changed either; in fact, I feel more strongly about how wrong this is.
I find it difficult to articulate just how there is absolutely no difference between rape inside and outside of marriage.
Because I find it clear and straightforward.
You know, rape = bad. Consent = good. Very clear.
I will, however, try and give a few reasons of just why this form of violence, which is usually against women, is terrible.
- No means no.
No buts, no ifs. If a woman says she does not want to have sex, it should always be respected.
- Rape, any kind of rape, is wrong.
- A woman’s body belongs to herself.
She can choose whoever and whenever she would like to share it with. And no marital document or vow changes this. People should stop feeling entitled to our bodies.
- Blurring the lines of rape in a marriage inevitably brings questions to rape outside of marriage. And that sets back the question of consent a million years back.
- ‘But it’s almost impossible to prove a woman has been raped by her husband.’ That’s a reason I keep hearing. Well to that I say, the justice system should pull up its socks and find a solution to this. The victims of this violence should not be silenced because the solution is difficult.
Come on guys!
Finally, you should be very suspicious, and afraid, of any man who claims to love you but would sexually force themselves on you. That is the highest form of hate and disrespect.
If you face sexual violence and don’t know where to turn to, please get in touch with our moderators for help and support.
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Recent Comments (30)
Thanks for the good facts,I…
Thanks for the good facts,I’m proud of you
We appreciate Zachary.
We appreciate Zachary.
Thanks for the information…
Thanks for the information may my good God bless you
Thank you so much for your…
Thank you so much for your feedback Pst Orpheurse. Please feel free to browse our website to find other articles that you may find of help.
It’s wonderful
It’s wonderful
Thank you Faith.
Thank you Faith.
People should really…
People should really understand what love is before getting into marriages.There is nothing like rape in a marriage.The bible clearly states that you are not the master of your body,your husband is and vice versa.
Hi Evo, while we respect…
Hi Evo, while we respect your religious stand point, the truth a person will not always feel like having sex and it calls for understanding. However there has to be balance and partners can agree on what works for them. Thank you though for your contributions.
Which book and verse says…
Which book and verse says that the body of a woman is the master of men and vice vers
Hello Onesmus, 1st…
Hello Onesmus, 1st Corinthians chapter 7 contains verses that speak about sex and marriage.
And verse 4 to be precise
And verse 4 to be precise
Hi Jane,
Do you mean point…
Hi Jane,
Do you mean point 4? What about it?
Should a woman deny her…
Should a woman deny her husband sex, and blame him for infidelity if he gets it from other women?
A woman may do with her body…
A woman may do with her body as she pleases. When sex feels like an obligation or a chore, then there is a problem.
In your statements, you…
In your statements, you simply don’t know the role of a woman in marriage. Personally I can’t force her(my wife) to have sex with me. But if she can’t let her know that I am free to sleep to anyone.
In addition, stop misleading young girls. If you exchange vows , just know you are titled to your partner. You are not free to share your body with anyone, unless you are a mere prostitute
We stand by our statement. A…
We stand by our statement. A person has to have autonomy. You belong to you and you alone. A person is allowed to share their body with who they want but also deny access when they want. Connsent is important.
https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/consent-all-the-facts
We stand by our statements…
We stand by our statements. A person’s body belongs to that person and they may give people access to it every so often. However, it remains their body and they deny access whenever they want.
We stand by our statement. A…
We stand by our statement. A person has to have autonomy. You belong to you and you alone. A person is allowed to share their body with who they want but also deny access when they want. Connsent is important.
https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/consent-all-the-facts
Are you defending ladies??…
Are you defending ladies?? According to me that’s exactly what is coming out very clearly.
Hello Bryan, we are…
Hello Bryan, we are defending and speaking up for anyone who may have experienced sexual abuse whether in their marriage or otherwise.
What do you mean by saying…
What do you mean by saying that a woman can share her body with anybody she wants??
Hello Bryan, any person…
Hello Bryan, any person regardless of their gender identity has the right to do with their body as they see fit. This is what is called autonomy, which is basically the right to self-govern. You may be influenced by outside opinions and decide to take them into advisement but ultimately the choice is yours.
Thank for that conversation.
Thank for that conversation.
Hi Cleophas,
Glad you…
Hi Cleophas,
Glad you enjoyed reading it and that you learnt something new. Keep visiting Love Matters for more educative content.
According to biblical…
According to biblical principles about marriage in 1Cor 7,the body of ahusband belongs to a wife like wise a wife’s body belongs to a husaband. Let’s get thing. Something that is yours you value it with much respect. So when it comes to sex, the conditions are when both of you give your selves time to fast and pray and also when one of you is sick. Sex is an act of love not force. Therefore rape in marriage is not love it’s just force which is not needed
Hi Richard,
I love your…
Hi Richard,
I love your fresh perspective. Thank you for your contribution!
Whatever she’s saying isn’t…
Whatever she’s saying isn’t right especially when she says “A woman bodg belongs to her and she can choose who she wants to share it with and the audacity to say A marriage certificate is just a piece of paper
Hi Kosh,
People should…
Hi Kosh,
People should stop feeling entitled to others’ bodies. If your partner is not ready for sex, it is good to respect their wishes. Once you force him/her to have sex against their will is rape, even if you are married.
I disagree with point 3 yes…
I disagree with point 3 yes the …. in matrimony 2 shall become 1 and it therefore takes the right to share your body with whoever you feel like
Kindly don’t mislead our Godly wives
Dont get me wrong i stand against rape..
Therefore if you want that entailment kindly refrain from the institution of marriage ?
Hi Jackson,
Thank you for…
Hi Jackson,
Thank you for your contribution! The fact that a woman is married does not mean that she cannot say no to sex when she is not in the mood or when she feels uncomfortable, or not ready, to have sex. If a man forces a woman to have sex with him in such circumstances, this is marital rape. If they become one, that means that a man should be very empathetic to what the woman is going on physically, emotionally and psychologically. This way, he should understand and be okay with her not wanting to engage in sex sometimes. The same case should also apply when a man is not in the mood for sex.