Male rape: top five facts

What is rape?

Being raped means having your vagina, anus or mouth penetrated without giving your consent, either with a penis or anything else.

Giving consent means that you have agreed to what is happening. You need to make the decision without fear or threat: if someone threatens or hurts you to make you say ‘yes’, it’s not consent! Neither is silence. Rape can happen if someone is physically forcing you to have sex with them, but they could also blackmail you, or threaten you in other ways. It is also rape if someone takes advantage of you while you are asleep, unconscious or on drugs or alcohol.

It is not just for girls  

Many people believe that rape only happens to women. This is partly because in the media and the news you usually only see or hear of women being raped. However, men can be raped too. Penetration of the mouth or the anus without consent counts as rape. Many men get raped by other men, but also by women who can use dildos or other objects.

Men are less likely to report that they have been raped, which can lead to underreporting and a lack of statistics about male rape. No one should ever have their body violated, both men and women have the right to consent to sexual acts. In Kenya, people need to speak out to make sure that the law protects both women AND MEN against rape.

Most people know their rapist

When we see rape in movies and TV, we often see a stranger attacking a person on the street. However, most rapes occur between people who know each other. This may be a friend, family member, or even their date or partner. Sometimes rape can even occur in a marriage. Just because you know someone or sometimes let them touch you does not mean that they can have sex with you when you do not want it. Regardless of how you know the person, you always have the right to say ‘no’. Men, like women, may not want to have sex all the time. Choosing to have sex is a personal choice based on health, mood, desire and comfort.

Not man enough?

Many men feel they were not ‘strong enough’ to fight or resist the rape. They blame themselves and feel they deserved to be raped because they could not stop it happening. Though this is a normal thought process, it is incorrect. No one ever wants or is looking to be sexually assaulted. It can be very confusing and harmful when someone takes advantage of you and threatens your physical security. Many people often struggle with trusting new people or being physically intimate after being a survivor of rape or sexual assault. It is important to reach out and talk to someone, either a counsellor, support group, hotline, doctor, religious leader, family member or someone you trust to help you work through the emotional side of the attack.

It does not determine your sexual orientation

When a guy is raped by another guy he often fears this means he is now gay. Yet, the majority of male rapists are heterosexual. Being gay requires an emotional connection and desire for other men. Having unwanted sexual contact does not change your orientation. This is also true if you are gay and are raped by a woman, it should not change how you see yourself and understand your sexuality. Sometimes men cum during rape. It is important to understand that it this is just a physical response and does not mean that a person enjoyed what is happening. Men can have an erection or orgasm even when scared, frightened or attacked.
 

Have you ever heard of male rape? Share your thoughts with us by leaving a comment below or via Facebook.