• Love & Relationships
• Relationship Problems

Why I’ll never call other women in my husband’s life

By Christine on

Often, relationships are between two people or an agreed number of people, but what happens if there’s an uninvited guest?

First things first, the uninvited guest or ‘cheetee’ (not sure this word exists in the English dictionary) may or may not know that the other partner(s) exists.

If you have ever been cheated on, chances are that you contemplated calling the ‘cheetee.’ This could be because you want to know if it is really true that your partner is having an affair, to get details of the affair, or to warn the ‘cheetee’ to leave your partner alone.

But should you call the other woman?

I say NO. Here’s why:

Denial isn’t good

Your partner is a cheater! Trying to shift the blame on another human being because you are in denial about the role that your partner played in the situation is bad. Sometimes, fully accepting that the person you love and trust has been disloyal is a great first step to healing even though it can take time and is often such a painful process. However, it is very important since this ensures that you hold them equally accountable.

He may be community penis!

Your partner may be a serial cheater. This means that if you are the type that likes to confront the person he or she is cheating with, you may need to either invest in a good airtime plan or pray that you get lots of free minutes.

It can be draining to keep track of who the next woman or man is. It is even more draining to keep calling different people every day. Isn’t it easier to just deal with the one person in your life?

It is such a delicate process

If you’re confronting someone you’ve never met, you will need to be very careful. Imagine having to choose your words carefully with someone who, in your mind, has wronged you, even if unknowingly?

First, if you approach them when you’re still too emotional, it may not end well.

It may end up as a very explosive event. Does anyone remember what happened at Syokimau a few months ago? A very explosive confrontation was recorded and shared online. Something about the first wife confronting the second wife or mistress. Most of these situations never end well.

Whether you want to confirm whether the affair happened or get the accurate details of the affair, it will likely not be worth it. Remember also that the memories of meeting her may haunt you for the rest of your life: you may constantly remember her face, her voice, what she wore, and/or keep wondering why your partner chose them. Meeting the other woman may leave you more devastated than before. It takes too much emotional muscle to confront the ‘cheetee,’ I am not doing it.

Let’s even for a moment assume that you meet someone who is willing to tell you the truth. She will paint your husband as the initiator of that relationship and her as the innocent victim. Human beings tend to minimize their role in bad or embarrassing situations because no one likes to look bad.

Your partner isn’t a wallet

Statements such as, ‘she stole my husband,’ or ‘she is a husband snatcher’ are often used to explain how a husband ‘innocently’ ended up in the arms of the other woman. If you think about it, the husband is made to appear like a helpless object that is at risk of being stolen by any passerby.

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for protecting your love but there are limits. Calling the other woman or man to confront them about the affair is just a waste of time.

The ‘cheatee’ did not steal your partner. Do you know why? Because your partner is not a wallet that is powerless thus can be grabbed by anyone. They can actually say no to any attempts to be disloyal to you. But they didn’t!

Plus, this person (‘cheatee’) may have been convinced that your marriage is on its deathbed.  She may have been told that you are crazy and nagging and your conversation with them may actually leave them to believe that you are actually a nuts job. She will likely see herself as a savior sent to save your partner from a miserable situation.

Assuming you confront them…

As I mentioned earlier, the reasons for confronting the other woman are varied. But mostly, it’s to tell her off or get accurate details of the affair. First, you may not get your desired truth since she may be covering her tracks.

Second, if she has feelings for your husband, she will definitely not tell you the truth and she may even be very protective of him. She may also be surprised that you even exist so how do you even begin to confront someone who’s just discovered that the love of their life is a liar. Shouldn’t you leave them to process the news?!

Also, while you may want her to feel guilty for her evil actions, she is unlikely to do so, at least not to your face. This is especially true if she already knew of your existence. You cannot control how others feel about anything. This may leave you feeling disappointed.

Finally, instead of confronting the other woman, I choose to deal with my partner. In the end, he is the one who’s being disloyal to me.

Over to you, would you call the other woman?