Tips to recover from cheating in marriage
Has your partner cheated on you? Or are you the one who’s unfaithful and your partner knows? What next? Trust Love Matters to help you solve your dilemma.
When you find out that your partner has cheated, you could end up very angry and hurt, don’t jump to conclusions such as walking out and asking for a divorce right away. Instead give yourself some time and space to think things over. Reflect on your relationship and try to understand that besides cheating, what other issues are at play.
It’s the same if you’re the one who has cheated on your partner. Analyse why you cheated on them. Was it a serious relationship or a temporary fling? What were the reasons and feelings behind your actions? Don’t take any major decisions immediately. Think them over carefully and be very sure of whatever you decide. Don’t let pride rule your actions.
The unfaithful spouse in the marriage might feel that they were driven to cheating, while their partner feels it wasn’t their fault at all. It’s important to accept responsibility for your own actions. You may both feel that you have each put the extra effort into the relationship and have got nothing in return for it.
In such an event, the partner who has cheated should apologise and the spouse should also apologise for not meeting the emotional or physical needs of their partner. Accept that there have been failings on both sides and that marriage is something you need to work on together and put in equal efforts, especially if you want to save your marriage.
Accept your feelings
Cheating causes a lot of distress in a relationship. If you’re the one who’s been cheated on, it’s only natural that you feel angry, hurt, disappointed and depressed after hearing the news. These feelings are completely normal and are a part of the grieving process. So let them come to you and take your time with processing them.
If you were the unfaithful partner, you might feel a deep sense of shame and guilt. You might want to take your time thinking about what drove you to your actions. Once again, taking time can only help in the recovery process.
Keep a diary to write down how you feel. Don’t hold back on the tears either. If they aren’t coming to you naturally, watch a movie that always makes you cry or read a sad book. It’s also important to smile and laugh. For the cheated, develop a support system around you. Open up and talk to your closed ones. Remember that life goes on inspite of heartbreak and cheating partners.
For those who cheated, it will help opening up to your partner about your feelings. It won’t necessarily be easy, and it might make you feel worthless and drive up your sense of guilt. But if you want to repair the damage done to your relationship, honesty and transparency are key.
Ask and tell
Ask your disloyal spouse all the questions you want to ask them about their infidelity. It’s important though to accept that even your spouse may not understand why they acted this way or may feel uncomfortable and awkward revealing the details to you.
In case you cheated, understand your partner’s need to know more details. If you need some time to express your feelings, ask your partner to be a bit patient.
Give yourself and your partner time
There is no fixed time period for getting over infidelity. It will take time and you may often feel as hurt and angry as you did the first time you found out, even though you’ve decided to forgive them. It doesn’t mean that your marriage cannot be revived, it will just be different and you will need to believe in it.
If you were unfaithful, it might be unreasonable to expect your partner to trust you right away. Your relationship won’t go back to how it was with a bat of an eyelid. Have patience and give your partner time to recover.
Every time you fight, don’t bring up the cheating episode, so that your spouse feels guilty and you can win the argument. Dwelling on past mistakes will only cause resentment and bitterness and not help you to move forward with your relationship.
Go to a counsellor
Dealing with unfaithfulness is a major issue to handle by yourself. This doesn’t mean you tell everyone you know about it. If you would like to give your partner another chance, seek out a marriage counsellor, either individually and/or as a married couple, and go for regular sessions to resolve your feelings towards each other
Give up when it’s the right time
Sometimes relationships have to end. It could be that your partner ends up hurting you not just once but continually. If after several talks, your partner isn’t trying to be faithful to you, you might have to consider giving up on your marriage. This could be a very difficult decision and a marriage counsellor could help you through it.
Want to give your marriage another chance? Scared of your partner cheating on you again? Share your thoughts as comments below or on Facebook.
This has come to me just…
This has come to me just when am undergoing deep heart break duebto che at I… And my question is what if the cheating partner won’t accept to tell the truth..
Hey Collins, this also means…
Hey Collins, this also means they have not apologized for this. You have to think about whether this is something you are willing to let go or not, think about how important this is for you and with that make a decision. Is this something that has hurt your relationship permanently?
For sure it’s very painful…
For sure it’s very painful to be cheated in marriage by a partner whom you respect and cherish. Somebody may loose life on the process in name of love
Hi Davis, this is true!…
Hi Davis, this is true! Thank you for your input.
Your partner gets pregnant …
Your partner gets pregnant ‘first born’with another man, apologize and tells you to bare with it that she will never repeat…is there marriage again after this.
Yes, a marriage…
Yes, a marriage can survive cheating even when a child is involved but this requires a lot of work. This process will involve rebuilding broken trust and may involve giving re-assurance over and over again.
This is a hard situation for several reasons: First, an affair destroys trust so while you will forgive your partner, there is a child who will always remind you that your partner has a child by another man. You have to learn to live with that fact if you want to rebuild your relationship. Second, it is important to talk about what led your partner to have a child by another man. It could be that the problem is still there and this could mean that even if you forgive her, you have not solved the problem/reason that made her cheat. Unless both of you sit down and have an honest conversation, there may be a repeat or you may both live unhappy lives. This conversation should also include the question of the role of the biological father in the child’s life. If he is going to be present in your lives (this is the ideal situation for the child), then you and your partner need to decide what the boundaries are. If you feel that this conversation is too painful or hard to have, seek counselling services from a professional or someone you trust.
Remember! Getting over an affair takes time. But you CAN get past it and save your marriage.
You are right.Saving…
You are right.Saving marriage is an ideal thing especially when you have kids,
A very insightfull…
A very insightfull discussion,keep it up team.
Hi Mkate Full,
What a name!…
Hi Mkate Full,
What a name! I like it! I am glad you found the article insightful.